As a ‘Brit’ I exercised my Franchise on Friday, marked my little ‘X’ and made the choice that I felt was the best on for ALL the people who inhabit this Island Called the United Kingdom.
Yet, the result was one which left me reeling.
I have decided to add my opinion to the mix. It is not my intention to offend, upset or condemn anyone, we are all entitled to our opinions.
I apologise for not offering a longer missive today, but ‘life’ means I have things to attend to –
Yes I Do get up and write these on a Sunday Morning!
A humble and ordinary opinion – A heartfelt apology
My opinion, is that as an elder member of the society, I need to offer an apology. You see our young people are the ones who will inherit the Britain we just voted to disconnect from the wider collective that is The European Community. I, for one feel sightly ashamed, but also sad as I know many of those who voted to exit, did so from an emotional space, as a way of protesting for many other reasons and forgot that the outcome doesn’t affect those who so vehemently call for your support anywhere near as much as it does YOU.
Change…’whoah’ it was scary.
Change always is isn’t it?
But this rocking of the ship could be a great opportunity if we see it as one.
It is an opportunity to really look into the divisions in our society, the rifts, the ‘disgruntlements’ and the disappointments and use that knowledge to create an even more just, more equal, more satisfied community.
Perhaps Britain will be great again… this time known across the globe as a country whose citizens picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and created a country in which the good of the collective seeped into every decision and every exchange.
Today I’m going to comment on something that many of us experience, yet we are (consciously at least) unaware of it.
I’m talking about the fear of success
Who fears success? You holler. Well, you may be surprised to realise it, but many of us harbour unconscious Silent Saboteurs
They can manifest in the form of procrastination. You have a goal that you want to achieve or a level of comfort, stability, income that you know you are worth, yet you can’t seem to pick up the momentum you’d hoped with the actions you take to you reach your envisaged goal.
Sometimes we procrastinate not because we don’t want to take the necessary steps, (we’re often working like Trojans and can’t understand why we’re not making the headway we hope to), but become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and are not sure where to start, or we are unaware (and this is the key to the challenge here) that on a subconscious level we feel undeserving and have some form of guilt or feeling of undeserving attached to receiving the abundance we so desperately want and know we deserve.
I’ll give you an example from my own recent experience: Through this experience I REALLY understood the importance to your psyche of owning your successes and celebrating your achievements.
It was a great surprise to suddenly find myself in a bidding war between two agencies Last Friday. As they batted the fee and the contract benefits backward and forwards, like game of ping-pong, I had moments of guilt and moments of panic.
Both consultants were of course pressing for me to make an immediate decision and of course wanted me to decide in favour of THEIR client. In the end I had to tell them both to give me half an hour to have a ‘cuppa,’ breathe and really check myself internally so I decided that was ‘right for me,’ not one that was a reaction to MY own silent saboteurs, emotions or pressure.
During the process it became clear that one of my major silent saboteurs are feelings of ‘obligation’ ‘should do,’ ‘loyalty’ and ‘guilt.’
Let me explain:
I could choose to stay with the current organisation; in their favour were established relationships, familiarity etc. However:
They had not retained my services until two days before the holidays, so I was unaware of my situation as I headed into the season
When they did offer to continue with my services they offered to extend me by one month only, so come the end of Jan 2016, I could again find myself looking for another situation
They offered to pay an increased fee only aftermy skills and talents were in danger of going elsewhere. After someone else saw my potential immediately and offered to pay what they felt my skill and abilities are worth.
My silent saboteurs were kicking in and I felt ‘guilty’ at the idea of leaving because of the relationships I’d developed; I felt an obligation to ‘see it through,’ even though if I did so they could easily let me go and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see it through anyway.
The new, brings with it feelings of exhilaration and excitement and I knew from experience that these are signs; my intuition was indicating that this is the door I should walk through for my personal development and expansion, so why the indecision?
Success means change
Stepping up to the next level of success, however it manifests is something we’ve never before experienced and so it feels strange. We’ve all experienced that twinge of trepidation when we’ve had to deal with a new environment or situation, the doubt whether we are ‘up to the task’ do we have the skills, the intellect, the knowledge the confidence the style, the whatever…to make the grade and stay afloat in this new sea of experience?
Just keep swimming…
More often than not these fears are unfounded and we do more than rise to the occasion we may even find things are far easier at the ‘next level’ than we anticipated. We do more than float but swim deftly and easily. Before long it feels so familiar in this space we wonder why we ever had doubt in the first place.
The two faces of success
You see success has two faces: there’s the positive side, the side we focus on that keeps us ploughing on when we are in pursuit of the goal and are striving. We rarely see or think about the other side, which may have .
Yes there are potential negatives…
Fear of success is as I said and ‘UNCONSCIOUS’ saboteur and those fears are the ones that appear larger and more ominous because avoid evaluating them.
Anything we avoid, tends to grow stronger and more powerful. Anything you fear you tend to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) and when we focus on avoiding we reinforce the avoidance behaviour…hence procrastination, indecision, stop and start patterning etc.
If you wish losing a significant amount of weight you may:
Subconsciously fear the potential criticism or jealousy from others you know who say they need to lose weight too…you may be ‘ejected from the club.’
What about the extra attention and praise you may receive? You may fear how to deal with it
What of the new clothes you will undoubtedly have to buy. If you situation is less than flush, this could be a challenging investment to have to make.
They may seem trivial, but these subconscious saboteurs can completely halt your achieving your vision, thought you are actively ‘doing’ on conscious level.
The incredible Shrinking Saboteur
One way and the way I was able to shrink and get rid of my subconscious saboteur was to face it. Anything we put a spotlight on or examine tends to shrink and we see the issue for what it truly is. More often than not it is less scary that we imagined and we are able to find the confidence to deal with the feelings, situation, status, abundance that have manifest for us.
Turning the spotlight on my feelings made me realise that I didn’t have to ‘DO’ or ‘Be’ any more than I was already. I realised, that I was being fought for because I had been the very best I could be, I had consistently performed with passion and love over a 10-year plus period. I understood that this was just reward for that and that if I was to achieve even more and feel comfortable with the level of success I envisioned for myself this was the next logical step. I needed to put this new overcoat on and get used to wearing it.
By acknowledging the hidden side to success, but more importantly (and this is where the focus should be) by counting and acknowledging the positives, the minute by minute, day by day, month by month successes I had already achieved I was able to shift my feelings of undeserving or guilt and so feel completely worthy of the abundance being offered to me.
This January… as we consider the year that has just passed and look towards our ambitions for the year ahead I urge you to look at your success. Own and celebrate, what you have achieved and how far you have come. You will surprise yourself I assure you.
By feeling joy and self-appreciation you consciously programme yourself to accept and step up to even more success to come.
(Posted 6th October – but hey, better late than never eh?)
The Polar Express
Last night (3rd October) I watched the ‘Polar Express.’ I love that film, but you know when you watch something and get a different message every time you watch it. Well, last night I got a very different message, a message, which seemed to speak to me right where I am living in this moment.
You see, I am about to travel and for some reason, though I need the break I am experiencing some trepidation. I don’t know why, but I feel unprepared and nervous about the prospect of spending time in a foreign county alone. It’s not the aloneness you understand, I’m very used to that, but I’m not quite sure what It is.
The Polar Express is about belief.
A boy begins to doubt Christmas and the existence of Father Christmas and so ends up on a train to the North Pole and experience a series of challenges that test him until he ends up believing.
It’s about belief…believing in something even though it may be something you cannot see, or touch. At one point the boy is walking long the roof of the train and there’s a snowstorm. He can’t see clearly. There’s snow in his eyes and wind trying to blow him of course, but he’s searching for his friend and he knows that’s the direction she went in, so despite not being able to see anything, half blind and with no surety that he will find his friend he keeps going.
You probably do not know, but I made a significant change to my life just a year ago and I have created a new life and a new way of serving that seems like the right path for me. It is not without it challenges and at a time when thinks seems particularly ‘sticky,’ this lesson seemed very timely.
So, as I am wont to do, I had to share the insight:
What I took from that is that even though you may have decided on a path, a course of action a desire or a wish to keep going, keep believing, keep moving forward.
You may not be able to see the result, just blurry light in the distance and a vague belief that there is something out there for you then, you need to keep feeling your way. Keep your hands stretched out front, keep moving in the direction that feels right for you.
Though the movement beneath you is rocky and unstable and you have no true idea where you’ll end up, keep pressing forward.
Despite being blinded by the fog and blown off course by the biting North wind, he kept moving forward. His belief held firm and he KNEW he would win through, though there was no evidence in front of him.
Just one step at a time.
Once he comes through and reaches his goal the train guard (played by Tom Hanks), says to the boy, ‘Sometimes the only things worth believing in are the things you can’t see.’
The goals we create for ourselves are often blanketed in fog, a shadowy ‘something out there,’ that we sense, but can’t quite make see clearly.
I guess that sense is the intuition, the inner ‘knower.’ Our little boy trusted his inner know and kept moving towards his goal, he kept believing in what he couldn’t see and was rewarded with reaching his goal
So albeit a brief post this week as I prepare to travel, I hope you get the message to keep going.
Your future or vision may be foggy now and perhaps you can’t articulate it as eloquently as you’d like to, but TRUST and keep moving in the direction of your dreams.
This post does ‘what it says on the tin!’ it’s a message my children a letter if you will, to let them know the main lesson I have learnt in life.
It’s every parent’s duty to at least try to make sure their children don’t make the same mistakes they did. Different ones, yes, but the same ones? That’s darn foolishness!Continue reading Message to my children→
Happy Sunday everyone, For the next five weeks I’ll be examining the 5 biggest regrets people make on their deathbed.
The big five
These five regrets are namely:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not one others EXPECTED of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked SO hard
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
I wish I’d been happier
Oh my!…How distressing
Today I will examine number one which is the regret of not having the courage to live a life true to yourself
The good news is, the palliative care nurse that shared this information has given us a magnificent gift. How amazing to know NOW, in THIS VERY MOMENT how to avoid the potential feelings of regret as our souls transition. How amazing it is to have been given the OPPORTUNITY to change the course of our lives and know that we are ready to leave this world happy and fulfilled having:
Given of our best,
Been our best selves
Served humanity and as a result
Received the best that life has to offer.
Today’s the day
If we heed the warning TODAY, and I mean TODAY! Let’s not procrastinate any longer, the result will be that ALL who take up the challenge will live lives that are abundant, lives in which you feel completely realised as whole and complete. You will step into your greatness.
You will finally enjoy living a fulfilled life, one which is joyous, balanced and fearless; a Life which on reflection will make you to shout a resounding ‘NO REGRETS.’
You will have lived, A Life true to yourself
But, what exactly is that?
Many of us spend our whole life, struggling to find who we are, what it is we want and name what that is. Many of us, reach well in to middle age and still don’t know ‘What it is we want to do and be when we grow up.’
Or else ~
Like me and you may resonate with this one: We knew, deep, deep down, many eons ago, perhaps as far back as 2 or 3 years of age or 6 or 7, exactly what we wanted to do, who we wanted to be…but when we put it out there we had our dreams ridiculed, and laughed at or else scolded for even daring to think such nonsense.
Whatever the reaction was, as we grew older, as we met the world at large and more messages of ‘just do; the right thing,’ be ‘like everyone else,’ average, grey.
The message that told us to ‘fit in.’
‘Not shine too brightly,
‘Not show up the inadequacies of others by being as shiny as our own bright star was capable.
Our dreams shrank and so did we…
Dream stealers and energy vampires
“Well, son there’s not much call for cowboys these days…”
“Magic doesn’t pay that well…”
“How can you be successful as a baker? and it’s really warm with all those ovens…”
Or Maybe, like me…you were simply laughed at…
Or received an angry response: ‘Who do you think you are?’
Many of us received the following responses:
“You’re good at English/Maths/Science, why not become a Teacher/Accountant/Doctor. It’s a good profession and you’ll have a good income and a better life than we had.”
“You need to go to work…we cant afford to send you to Drama/Circus/Dance school.”
I have no doubt they discouraged us because they had the best of intentions, however, they are invariably the phrases passed down from Aunts, Uncles, Elder sisters & brothers. Many of our care givers repeat these warnings because of their own fear or simply for something to say.
Whatever the message was, we believed it.
We echoed it and increased it’s power, OR we stuffed it down into the already bulging sack of ‘rubbish’ which holds similar messages from other caregivers, mentors, teachers and significant adults who influenced our formative years and convinced ourselves we didn’t deserve to EVER take that out and look at it again!
We accepted, what they said was true and that ‘LIFE’S JUST NOT LIKE THAT!’ instead we resigned ourselves to being ‘sensible’ and ‘realistic.’
Once the three-year-old you met resistance from a significant adult it’s game over! It’s far too great a challenge to expect a 3, 4, 5 year-old to stand firm, take the bit between their teeth and insist that they are able to assert their right to be their authentic self.
So, we made a decision…an unconscious one.
We decided that the feeling of perfection, of being so expanded and happy, so exhilarated, the feeling that you CAN do anything; the feeling that
Being on horseback,
Creating yummy smelling rolls,
Acting the clown
Performing created within you, was a fleeting, transitory emotion that we could only expect to experience on a couple of occasions in a lifetime!
We decided, unconsciously you understand, that life was more passive & unimaginative, that no-one feels like that ALL the time, that you were not special enough to feel that way all the time.
After all no-one we know does these things,
To feel happy, content and fulfilled … is the exception. Isn’t it?
In the depths of your soul, you know don’t you?
You know you’ve been sold a massive lie.
That somehow…you betrayed yourself.
You’re an adult now. The biggest thing stopping you, is not the people around you it is…
You guessed it!
F E A R
What we fail to recognise is that they’re not RIGHT they’re just AFRAID;
Afraid to follow your passion.
Afraid you’ll fail,
Afraid you’ll look silly,
Afraid of what others might say,
Afraid you’ll be unable to survive,
Afraid to be different,
Afraid, Afraid, Afraid!
My hope is that today, this blog will get you thinking and I will help you realise one thing.
You have a choice…
Right here, NOW.
You have the right, the option, to choose differently, to not be the next person who at the point of leaving this world says:
‘I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself.’
So if you give yourself one gift this year, let it be the gift of YOURSELFtoYOURSELF…
Revisit your passions:
What were the things you’ve experienced, achieved, completed that gave you that feeling of expansion, a feeling that everything is/was perfect, of exhilaration.
A simple feeling of joy?
Is there room to re-introduce it/them into your life?
As you’ve evolved, have you discovered a new passion and how can you make that your life’s work?
‘Success’ only comes before ‘work’ in the dictionary
My experience of changing my life, living with my joy every day and being a more successful ‘me,’ has taught me that,
Yes it will be work,
Yes there will be challenges,
But guess what?
When you step into your passion you connect with your greatness EVERY SINGLE DAY.
You’re in joy EVERY SINGLE DAY,
you look forward to the work you do.
You WANT to do it, not HAVE to do it.
Aren’t we all familiar with the phrase ‘I havetogo to work?’
Even your challenges become joyous because you know that like a diamond, these challenges are simply polishing you up.
Polishing you up, so you become your, shining, brilliant, best self; sparkling on every facet and reflecting the glory of the universe back to yourself and to us all.
The saddest and most painful words ever uttered are: