Tag Archives: Soul

Lovesick

Happy Sunday all,

Lovesick

2014-07-05 05.59.11One of my greatest moments of sadness is when I stand in front of a class of children and through the conversation I realise they do not love themselves. Like rest of us in society they are already ‘lovesick.’ I say ‘lovesick.’ because they have caught the bug and it’s  making them (and us) sick. It’s the thought that they’re not loveable, they’re not ‘good enough’ to be loved for who they/we truly are that is making us ill.

Our relationships and especially our love relationships are opportunities for us to decide who we are and choose who we want to be. If we assume (and I know this is true for me), we are here as creators, our relationships are a powerful vehicles which give us the chance to decide, as Neale Donald Walsche says:

“What part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.”

You did this…Oh yes you did!

you-151415_150In my experience of life and relationships I have learnt that our dealings with others are a space in which we have an opportunity to choose and to create ourselves in our own vision. However the reality for most of us is very different. The biggest challenge we face is accepting that ‘we,’ yes ‘we’ created our state of ‘lovesickness’ whatever situation we may mind ourselves in.

It’s not deliberate you understand and I for one am not exempt. Most of us look to find that ‘perfect one.’ The one that ‘completes’ us the ‘special one’ who makes us feel whole. This is the ideology that we feed into and which is re-inforced by the messages we receive every day.

Oh My gosh!

They just changed… they’re not the same anymore

How much pressure is that for our significant other? In not wanting to disappoint they/we try to be and do he things we know our partner says they ‘want’ and ‘need’ (both words which come from a place of ‘lack’ by the way!). We see our relationship as a place where we should be what we think the ‘other’ needs. We then spend so much time bending and shaping ourselves like a pretzel into our idea of what we think they want that we end up not knowing which way is up, who we are, or what we think we want to be.

mask-178262_150Finally, we get to a point where we can no longer keep up the pretence. It wasn’t deliberate, you understand, but eventually there’s the realisation that who we’re being in this relationship is not the ‘me’ we choose to project, the ‘authentic’ being that is expressing in a way that is acceptable to our soul and so we have no choice but to show our ‘real’ selves.

Our significant ‘other’ then says ‘we’ve changed.’ and I guess what? We have because we are now reclaiming our true selves and acting authentically, finally listening to the whisperings of our soul.

Giving up…giving in

It can take a few of these experiences before we realise that we’re going about it all wrong. When this happens most of us either settle for our lowest expectation or nurse the idea that we are fine with nothing at all. We choose companionship, give up on our highest and grandest vision of ourselves, we settle. The energy and vibrancy of youthful expectation has now diminished, (in most cases disappeared) and our passion, sexual enthusiasm and expression are now merely dying embers. We’re somewhere between our late 30s and our 60s and we’re tired!

 Relationships never really fail

walk-932965_1280This state of  being lovesick causes the relationship to end and one or other, or both’s feelings turn to resentment and then comes the anger!

Relationships ‘fail’ only because we stepped into them for the wrong reasons, not because (as is commonly thought), that they didn’t produce what we thought we wanted. In the main, most of us are looking for what we can get out of a relationship when we enter into it, instead of thinking what can we ‘add to’ it.

The only reason to have relationships is to decide who you really are and to choose to express that self through your reactions, thoughts and deeds.

The paradox

There is no need for A.N. Other to express who you are, however without that ‘other’ we are nothing as we have nothing against whose speech, actions  and reactions we can choose to express.

Therein lies the paradox.

What most of us do however is create our dream according to the needs, thoughts and desires (or so we think) of or beloved other instead of the needs, thoughts and desires of our selves. And so we are not a state of love and loving, but of being ‘lovesick.’

We spend our time measuring how well the other lives up to our expectations and how well we live up to theirs, when really we should test our relationships according to how well we live up to our own ideas of ourselves!

Worry only about yourself and how much you can give.

It’s of no consequence what the other is doing, being, having, thinking, planning, saying…what matters is what you are being in relation to that

Radical thinking…

The most loving person is the most Self-centred.

If you cannot love yourself then you cannot love others. So let’s get well, stop falling into ‘lovesick’-ness, stop seeing ourselves through the love of another. These may sound like familiar thoughts:

‘If I can love them then they will love me;

If I can please others then they will like me;

If I am loving towards others they will think I am loveable.’

We feel there is no-one that loves us. As a result we experience the reverse; Our thoughts become ones of self-hate (lovesick) because:

 The truth is you will never truly accept the love of another until you love yourself.

balloon-104609_640So, for this week (and the weeks to come) make your focus one of loving yourself. Speak gently to yourself, forgive yourself, accept who you are remember we’re simply learning lessons and being given opportunities to decide who and what we choose to be.

We’re her to experience who and what we really are. Who you are is who you choose to show yourself as according to the influence of everything that you experience.

So choose wisely…

Choose Authenticity

Choose YOU!

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel x

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Purpose III – Soul whispers

Happy Sunday All,

Today we come to the last instalment of what (unintentionally, but happily) has turned out to be a ‘series of posts’ on your PURPOSE and how to find it. In this post I’ll give you an illustration, through my experience of how your soul will keep seeking and reaching for you until you listen. You see, your purpose is always trying to find you because it’s mission is to find it’s expression no matter how long it takes.

All you need to do is listen.

water-256195_150Like water, which always finds a way to seep through and finds its own level, find its way through even the most fortified of defences, through the tiniest of cracks, your soul will find a way for you find your purpose no matter what.

So, if I you’re meant to positively communicate and uplift as your purpose, but are not communicating your purpose positively due to choices that make you unhappy, If you’re not expressing in the way your soul knows you should, you WILL communicate, you WILL express, but may well communicate negatively through criticism and griping and passive aggressive behaviour. All signs of your frustration and unhappiness.

The under side of the coin

Perhaps your purpose is to express love through caring and support, but you’ve made choices that make you feel constrained or trapped, you may still find yourself in a caring role, but resenting it. Perhaps a ‘too young parent,’ whose children are a source of frustration or forced to care for an aged parent or ill partner before you’re ready to. You care for them, but grudgingly so, you care for them but resent it, you care for them and feel trapped. You’re impatient and frustrated and blame them for the loss of your ‘life.’

 

coins-163517_1280Perhaps your purpose is to learn how to positively balance wealth and power with love and open communication. You may find yourself, striving and achieving greatly. Amassing great wealth and place within you community & society & your chosen field of work, but your relationships suffer from a lack of authenticity. You’re unable to open up and confide in others due to a fear of being surpassed or being seen as vulnerable. Your colleagues and the people you manage work for you out of sufferance and due only to your title & position, but not out of respect for you as a manager and human being. You are admired for your success yet feel isolated and alone.

You’re still expressing your nature, but not consciously in the form and manner it should take and that’s where your misery lies.

The message in the misery

mourning-360500_150Your misery is a persistent prod. Like a little devil with a trident, it’s prodding and poking you in the backside and saying ‘Hey you…this isn’t who/what/how you should be. This isn’t how/what you should be doing.’ S/he’s nudging you to pay attention and make the changes necessary to find your bliss. You see when you are expressing in the positive and standing in your purpose its the best feeling in the world. It is bliss!

In my case the universe conspired with my soul which is a persistent little thing and had kept fighting to bring out my authenticity.

One day, I got the message. One day, I finally listened…

I finally decided I was worthy…

Don’t stop believing…hold on to that feeling!

As I grew, my childish belief in my innate gifts stayed on the inside of me and I never stopped dreaming. Though on the outside, in daily my interactions I allowed myself to express only the thoughts and feelings that were ‘allowed’ and acceptable to others for fear of the criticism and ridicule I’d experienced as a child

human-329851_150Serendipity intervened. One day when waiting for a friend to get ready to go out I was singing as usual. here was safe, I wouldn’t be told to ‘shut up,’ or laughed at as I had been so many times when trying out for the school choir or leading roles in the plays, plus she was in the shower down the hall, so probably couldn’t hear me. Or so I thought. She heard me alright and was so impressed by my voice she pressed me to audition for the band she had just joined who needed another singer.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Because of the many time this the many time I have felt this in my life, I am convinced that when you feel a great fear, it’s often because you are on the verge of greatness, on the verge of stepping into the ‘you’ you are supposed to be. Like the understudy who finally gets to go on stage after the leading lady has broken her leg, you know that this is your time to shine and it’d better be good. All the expectation and hoping and dreaming has converged at this very moment and it is terrifying as you now have to ‘PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!’2014-07-05 07.58.05

My friend persisted and would not take my excuses or protestations for any kind of answer. My soul shoved me out from behind the curtain and I found myself singing. Singing in front of groups large and small. Finally I was expressing vocally, expressing positively… My purpose is: To uplift others and connect them to the divine within themselves through the use of my voice. It was one small way my soul could touch and taste what it was I am here to do and it was the most delicious flavour!

Choices…Choices!

But I was still scared…The more I sang, the more I knew this was what I wanted to do and be, but the voices of my childhood, the lack of confidence in myself meant I allowed myself to take the ‘road most travelled.’ and I did the acceptable, the conventional.

Once the husband and family came along…then the singing disappeared too! though not without a serious fight to keep it a part of my life.

2014-09-20 08.09.48I had abandoned my dream… and instead adopted a more acceptable one. To go to university to become a professional to have the husband and the big house and the children. I was the clever one wasn’t I? so I should do the ‘right’ thing, the thing that will give me a better life, elevate me from the poverty, make me someone everyone is proud of… I achieved it all.

There was joy in it all, a sense of accomplishment, but there was always a feeling that something was missing. Always a restlessness, that was almost impossible to tame at times. Every so often there was that ‘nip’ the pinch of conscience that feeling that ‘there’s got to be more!’ I am more!

Divine timing…

Divine wisdom and divine timing are just that…Divine

watch-279813_150In hindsight (always ‘perfect’ vision) I can see the strategy my soul used to get me where I needed to be.

I had forgotten who I was. I had allowed myself to slowly disappear: I had given up my dreams to realism and common sense, my needs to family and my soul was dying…

When the yearning and the questions became so strong they could no longer be suppressed my soul conspired to make me redundant; TWICE!  at the same time my marriage fell apart and I was in a tailspin of divorce, emotional recriminations and upset and for some years was reeling from the impact of it all. Desperately trying to regain my equilibrium, but the universe knows what it’s doing.

It placed me in an position where I finally had to decide what I wanted, what I needed and who I needed to be. I decided to work in a way that would fit with the timetable of my children instead of the corporate, fast-paced environment I had been in and so it manoeuvred me into an educational environment. Then it persisted in sending me a message to teach. Over and over and over again, trust me, that was the last thing I would ever have thought of doing! Until I listened and took action.

Becoming a teacher was the easiest thing in the world. Everything happened like a well oiled clock. Another sign that you are on the right path is the lack of resistance and effort.

The search for the rainbow

rainbow-61783_640In this space I have found my voice and a joy I never thought I would experience. Six shows a day in front of the most critical audience ever…Secondary School Pupils! A Tough audience believe me, who have absolutely no qualms when it comes to telling you just how (insert another expletive!) you are!

So you see I was shown my audience after all, but the story doesn’t stop there. Firstly, Eight years on, the restlessness began again and I knew, though I loved teaching it as time to expand once more. I’d  served my apprenticeship with the toughest audience in the world, it was time to grow even more. The universe/my soul was sending me subtle messages that my journey was to continue.

I hadn’t reached the end of my rainbow… just yet!

The message is in the repetitions

Then, several of my students, on separate occasions stated that I’d be a good ‘Motivational Speaker’ or ‘Life Coach,’ as I had a habit of telling them of the infinite talent and beauty I see in them, I had them meditating, which they loved and would ask for, I had a habit too of giving them ‘life’ teachings in class and guidance on to how to live their best lives.

Then again… I was supporting a friend who had experienced  a relationship break-up. Their comments to me were how helpful I’d been that I should be…you guessed it, a Life Coach.’ They marvelled that I was  so supportive, so insightful and said that he would have happily paid for the advice I had given.

And then finally to September 2013 when my attendance at Success 2013 at the Excel arena (London), produced an epiphany…

2014-06-01 20.09.36My destiny is to be a Coach & Speaker…to motivate not just the handful of children in my English classes, but a whole plethora of people…locally… globally. To put the learning that my life experience had taught me out into the world so that others could learn from it. So they could improve their lives, find their purpose.

And yes…to — USE MY VOICE to spread the learning and connect others to the divine within themselves.

It ain’t over till it’s over, if you’re still here…it ain’t over!

When God, the divine, the universe speaks it will repeat the message. LISTEN and TAKE ACTION.

So I listened and now I’m talking to you and you know what, my soul and heart have never been so alive nor have I felt so completely happy. There’s a quiet knowing and I am aware that I have found my calling, my purpose.

Your presence here, reading this post is me sending my voice out to you, so you can learn to appreciate and trust that you have a purpose and that it WILL be revealed to you.

I guess the point I’m making is that you will continue to get the message, whether it be a lesson for your soul’s development or a path for you to follow, you will continue to get the message. It comes via your intuition, through the words of others, the lyrics in a song, a passage in a book and is always accompanied by a feeling… a knowing that somehow that is a message just for YOU. If you’re feeling miserable, stuck, frustrated, ask yourself what messages have I ignored? what has my inner voice been trying to tell me?

Silence is goldengold-163519_1280

One way to hear the messages of the divine is to practise being silent. It is in silence that GOD speaks to us.

Practise meditation or any other spiritual practise that brings your focus back to yourself.

The voice will become louder the messages stronger. They will strike a chord and resonate with your inner guidance system.

You will hear if you are OPEN…you have to LISTEN!

Through listening you will realise exactly WHY YOU ARE HERE

And that’s when the magic begins!

Blessings all

Insightful Angel 

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Purpose

Happy Sunday to you all,

Feeling Stuck?

2014-09-09 09.50.29

Are you feeling stuck?

Unsure of where you’re going or how to move forward, but sure in the knowledge that you can’t go back?

Are you caught in limbo? You know there is more, but can’t seem to grasp what it is you’re here for.

Are you dissatisfied with what you’re doing, how you’re living but have no idea what it is you want or how to change it You just know this isn’t right…there’s something?

Why am I here?

2014-09-08 11.48.35Today I’ve been musing over the subject of my purpose.

You have too haven’t you? Had that nagging voice say to you

“Surely there’s more to life than this… What the hell are you doing? Where’s your life going?”

If there’s one question we have all asked ourselves, at some point in our lives, it’s the question: ‘WHY AM I HERE?’

When we are unable to answer this, life can seem pointless. We lack direction, a sense of certainty and feel rootless and insecure. Without a purpose in life we drift like flotsam and jetsam and before long find ourselves participating in behaviours that do not serve our highest good to feel something… Anything!

I have long-held the personal belief that the proliferation of drug use, more and more extreme sexual encounters and gratification, overindulgence in food, the overuse and overstimulation of the senses via technology is and attempt to connect with the divine.  To have something make us feel complete, connected to ourselves and to something greater.

To feel at peace and that we matter. To truly know ourselves and our divine purpose.

i-105490_150Not for the likes of me!

The first thing you need to know is that each one of us HAS a purpose. A purpose is not reserved for the privileged few, for special people or the high-profile athletes, the movies stars and the wealthy entrepreneurs. YOU are here to discover this and live your AUTHENTIC life regardless of your start, upbringing, education or social status.

Though you do need to place focus on the material world in some way, after all this is the space we live in, but you need to get this.  Experiences in my life have taught me that this world is the training ground. The place where our soul is trained  and where it comes to do its work. The work of self-discovery and self-realisation, self-mastery.

What I have learnt from my time  here and through life’s trials, is that our soul’s lessons are designed to test us. As we break through each of our tests we become stronger, our belief in ourself and faith in our innate gifts grow more convincing and we begin to walk with surer steps in the direction of our dreams and our life’s purpose.

Deep down inside you know…

If you ignore the message of your soul it will continue to remind you.

I’ll give you an example from my experience:

As a child all I ever did was talk and sing. I was inquisitive, a dreamer, I loved people and would happily chatter away asking questions, being curious.

All I ever dreamt of was being another Judy Garland or Lena Horne (I loved the old movies full of glamour), but you get the picture. I saw myself on the Musical Theatre stage dancing like Cyd Charisse (I know…I’ve given the game away re my age, but hey, it can take being on the planet this long to finally ‘get it.’)

Anyway, as I was saying, all I did was sing and dream.sand-332500_150

Our path to our purpose is often the rockiest and most difficult to walk along. If you are to be an artist in some way you may find yourself born into  family of Philistines. If you are musical or sporting you may find yourself unsupported or your efforts trivialised, If your purpose is to share love with the world then you may find you have a start in life that is acutely devoid of love and safety.

This is so you to truly understand what it is and make your sharing all that more powerful because you DO understand what it is.

I realise now that is the universe’s way of ‘sharpening you up.’ making you strong and focused and determined, providing you with the ‘grit’ required to share the very best expression of your gift. Shaping you, so that when the time comes, nothing will shake you and you will ‘express.’ what you came here for in its fullest glory and power.

hand-307728_150And so I was constantly told to ‘shut up,’ as I talked too much. I was told that I couldn’t sing and reminded through our lack of means that that kind of a world was a world for ‘other’ people. People like us got jobs and hoped for a lifetime of security, to become ‘middle class’ rise out of the poverty and ‘working class ‘status we had in life.

And slowly, through the criticisms, taunts and ridicule of significant carers, teachers, careers advisers, who all knew more than I did, better than I did and who’s judgment and wisdom couldn’t be questioned, through them my innate knowledge of who I am and why I’m here was denied and ultimately I suppressed it.

Post-it notes and reminders

Despite my soul having an instinctive knowledge of its purpose, which was to use my voice to uplift the world. I learnt to be quiet.

Most people who know me would say ‘You quiet!’ I still talked, I was actually overly verbose, but it was empty talk. Acceptable talk. The deep-seated issues I wanted to discuss I couldn’t and didn’t, the dreams I had I swallowed and pushed down. As a result. Every year I suffered with Tonsillitis or ‘Strep throat.’ I was resisting my purpose and my soul was making me ill to wake me up to that fact.

Every year a post-it note: ‘This is not who you are meant to be!postit-169631_1280

Those of you in the know, will have guessed what it took me to my mid-thirties to begin to get the message. I suffered from tonsillitis because my communication centre was blocked. It felt awful, because for my soul, not being who I was supposed to be and doing what I was supposed to do, not fulfilling my purpose here was awful!

Our feelings are our barometer. You KNOW when something’s not right for you and your authentic purpose here. When you tell that ‘little’ lie and you get that brief tweak of conscience, when you take a bigger share, when you say something mean. Or perhaps you’re the person who’s on the receiving end. You’re allowing another to persecute or bully you; to control you life and your actions, to criticise or chastise you and it hurts.

Those pangs and twinges of guilt or shame, those feelings of hurt or upset are all

‘Post-it’ notes from your soul

and they’re shouting at you to make a change because whatever you’re doing or however you’re living or working are damaging you irrevocably.

So if you’re feeling stuck…feeling dissatisfied be thankful. Thankful because your soul is nudging you. Urging you to take a step closer to your purpose.When you do that dissatisfaction will disappear and the feeling of contentment and worth you get will be worth all the frustration, all the anguish and all the soul-searching.

Next week I will show you how my experience taught me to step into my purpose and how my soul never gave up on me. Yours isn’t either…so start listening.

Until next week.

Blessings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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