Happy Sunday All,
When I started writing this blog over a year ago now, my reasons were simple ones to help someone, anyone, even just ONE person who may be at that moment in their life facing a challenge that MY experiences could shed some light on and to write.
I simply wanted my learning from life to support others if it could.
A fortnight ago a friend and I were talking and she said that I needed a ‘core’ idea or message. I hadn’t though about that before and it got me considering what that might be. It took a few days, but I realised that my message is, at its core is one of
My mission, I now realise is to help as many people as possible o find their way to loving themselves.
My message is always:
The theme ‘Love YOU’ then showed up in three distinct ways (you know they say everything comes in threes, well it did) over the last week or so:
- The question from my friend
- A conversation with a filmmaker
- A christening
Conversation with a filmmaker:
The message Love YOU continued into last week when I had an online chat with a filmmaker who had produced a film about love. Rather than it being about romantic love and the external expression of love towards someone else, his message is to love YOU as the path to your salvation, redemption and potential. It seemed as he said to me ‘We were on the same page.’
Whilst talking with him I realised that one of the major factors that made me decide to commit my message to paper was because it broke my heart as an educator to see so many young people; people who should be carefree, vibrant and fearless, so consumed with ‘getting things wrong’ afraid to even try, convinced they were no good.
The result of such thinking is of course to compensate for the feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence with bravado and boastfulness with ‘overdoing.’ These shallow and often angry expressions of a fake confidence, this overdoing, mask a deep-seated insecurity and I believe a deep-seated cry for love, attention and affection.
But they won’t find it fighting the world outside!
We’ve all seen them: Young people (and many adults) calling each other names speaking aggressively, putting others down and ridiculing others in a vain attempt to find some feelings of worth, becoming caricatures of wo/manhood.
These caricatures bully and shout or are hyper-sexual or over-made-up. They make vain attempts to feel ‘excitement’ to mask and push down the lack of love for themselves that rears up if they are still for too long. This ‘excitement’ takes the form of violence, drug use, sexual activity and living vicariously in fantasy worlds through the use of technology, anything but face themselves in THIS word.
In their attempts to leave childhood and the unworthiness attached to it, in their desire to ‘grow up,’ Their behaviour causes them to turn against each other as they lack the maturity and self-worth to communicate their needs, wants & feelings in a responsible & respectful way. These outbursts are in my mind, clear indications of Feeling unworthy…
Not able to Love (who they are).
A christening & balloon chasing
Little Ava is a powerhouse. She’s lively, intelligent, articulate, vibrant & self-assured and last Sunday it was clear she had a ball. Last Sunday little Ava was christened. As I watched her and the other ‘little children’ (0-6ish) I saw how beautiful it is when you love YOU.
These children don’t care what others think.
They are quite clear what they want and need and are happy to express it. They understand on some cellular level that they are worthy, as worthy as the next and have every right to:
- Dance when they want to dance, no matter who’s watching,
- Eat when they’re hungry,
- Chase balloons when they feel inspired and
- Sit in the dirt if that’s what they feel like doing no matter if any one cares or is looking.
They need no-ones approval; their self-worth and value is not decided by others, it comes from within…
Self-love is a given, so automatic it’s not even thought about. It simply is…
As I watched and smiled at how free they are and actually how loving to themselves and others, It confirmed to me:
We are all born in love…
We are born loving ourselves…
You were born to Love YOU
Arrogance & Humility
I know what you’re going to say. I know someone who loves him/herself and they’re pretty arrogant, but arrogance is simply another display of a lack of self-love.
A display of arrogance is always trying to feel superior. In so doing you show that you’re really insecure, as true self-assurance doesn’t need another to push against to feel valued or worthy.
For example, the next time you do create or achieve or do something you’re proud of, instead of playing it down and adopting the false modesty that we’ve been trained to else we come across as arrogant of boastful, congratulate yourself.
By being ‘humble’ and dismissing our achievements are we not unconsciously asking for more recognition as others, then say ’Oh and s/he’s so humble too?’ The focus is still on us. Instead we should have confidence in and love for ourselves enough to graciously say ‘thank you,’ should praise come but still in LOVE with who we are and what we do not needing it regardless.
Be proud of what you’ve achieved after all you put the work in. give yourself and internal pat on the back and allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of achievement As long as your thoughts or celebrations are in no way causing upset or harm to anyone else then why should you be denied them?
At the end of the week, I congratulated a friend on something he’d visualised and had worked hard to achieve and which now it seemed to be coming to fruition. I was so proud of him and the work he’s tirelessly put in to reach his goal. I heard the hesitation in his voice as he said: “Yeah I’m quite proud of myself” and why shouldn’t he be? I was truly happy for him, but my feelings should not matter to him if he is in love with himself.
After years of self-criticism and doubt it is a daunting prospect for so many of us to think we can get back to (I say ‘back to’ because remember the children, we all started in love) a place where inside there is no doubt that you love YOU, but you can.
Baby steps lovelies…
It starts with your thinking, as does anything…
You see love…
- Cannot harm
- Does not belittle
- Does not exist if another is made to feel inferior
- Does not criticise
- Is not painful
- Does not need others to be/do/like us to feel worthy
- Cannot thrive where there is anger
- Cannot survive is there is fear
- Is always INCLUSIVE
- Always feels good
- Uplifts and supports
- Starts with the SELF
Journey back to love
It occurred to me then, that we CAN journey back to self-love simply, through one thought at a time. Simply recognising and celebrating our successes, even if out of shyness you just think it for now.
One thought, then another, then another and slowly you begin to change your attitude to yourself. You begin to commit to yourself unconditionally.
You go from:
- Criticism to consideration
- Being Needy to self-belief
- From denial to acceptance of your needs, allowing yourself to feel then and allow them to be satisfied.
- Manipulation to motivation
- Bullying to bravery enough to say ‘sorry’ or ‘I love you’ or ‘well done.’ Even when someone is attempting to get where you want to go and you’re not quite there yet.
When we celebrate and love ourselves, it doesn’t matter to us what others think or feel about where we want to go or what we want to make, do or be and we automatically understand and accept the right for others to love and respect themselves too.
In Yoga we end each session by bowing and saying ‘Namaste.’ It means:
“The god in me honours the god in You”
You see it tells us that we are all one, from the same core and as such should recognise that love/god is in each of us.
It is only when you begin to recognise the Love in you and love YOU that you can then truly ‘see’ and recognise the Love/god in others and then accept or allow love FROM others.
If you do not love YOU, then you will always (sooner or later) reject and doubt the love, praise, support others want to give you. In your mind’s eye you will decide there is something very wrong with them if they love you because after all aren’t you un-loveable/unworthy?
When you reject your achievements, when you play down your acts of kindness, when you reject support or love, if you can’t look yourself in the mirror and truly love what you see then you are rejecting your essence. Rejecting the GOD in you.
How then can you hope to find peace or love or true happiness?
I doesn’t matter if you call it ‘being independent,’ ‘being modest’ or if you are ‘not wanting/needing charity’ or think you’ll be seen as ‘arrogant or ‘full of yourself’ or you find some other excuse like ‘your aged parents’ or ‘your children’ or ‘distance’ or whatever other excuse you can come up with to reject love or attention or success or praise. If this is what you’re doing it’s because you’re in fear and need to work on loving YOU.
The City of ‘Self-Love’ is the destination for the journey we are all making, and every journey starts with a single step.
Start today so you get there in the shortest time possible.
Take your example from our babies and just enjoy being you.
Think well of YOU allow the goodness and joy and love that comes to you, so it can flow through you and enjoy all that being you involves.
Be kind to YOU,
Speak gently and softly to YOU,