Tag Archives: Possible

Silent Saboteurs

Happy Sunday all

fears-701990_1280Today I’m going to comment on something that many of us experience, yet we are (consciously at least) unaware of it.

I’m talking about the fear of success

Who fears success? You holler. Well, you may be surprised to realise it, but many of us harbour unconscious Silent Saboteurs

They can manifest in the form of procrastination. You have a goal that you want to achieve or a level of comfort, stability, income that you know you are worth, yet you can’t seem to pick up the momentum you’d hoped with the actions you take to you reach your envisaged goal.

Why?

question-mark-460869_1280Sometimes we procrastinate not because we don’t want to take the necessary steps, (we’re often working like Trojans and can’t understand why we’re not making the headway we hope to), but become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and are not sure where to start, or we are unaware (and this is the key to the challenge here) that on a subconscious level we feel undeserving and have some form of guilt or feeling of undeserving attached to receiving the abundance we so desperately want and know we deserve.

Ping-Pong

stamp-114438_150I’ll give you an example from my own recent experience: Through this experience I REALLY understood the importance to your psyche of owning your successes and celebrating your achievements.

It was a great surprise to suddenly find myself in a bidding war between two agencies Last Friday. As they batted the fee and the contract benefits backward and forwards, like game of ping-pong, I had moments of guilt and moments of panic.

yes-238374_150Both consultants were of course pressing for me to make an immediate decision and of course wanted me to decide in favour of THEIR client. In the end I had to tell them both to give me half an hour to have a ‘cuppa,’ breathe and really check myself internally so I decided that was ‘right for me,’ not one that was a reaction to MY own silent saboteurs, emotions or pressure.

During the process it became clear that one of my major silent saboteurs are feelings of ‘obligation’ ‘should do,’ ‘loyalty’ and ‘guilt.’

Let me explain:

I could choose to stay with the current organisation; in their favour were established relationships, familiarity etc. However:

  1. They had not retained my services until two days before the holidays, so I was unaware of my situation as I headed into the season
  2. When they did offer to continue with my services they offered to extend me by one month only, so come the end of Jan 2016, I could again find myself looking for another situation
  3. They offered to pay an increased fee only after my skills and talents were in danger of going elsewhere. After someone else saw my potential immediately and offered to pay what they felt my skill and abilities are worth.

Yet…

A New EndingMy silent saboteurs were kicking in and I felt ‘guilty’ at the idea of leaving because of the relationships I’d developed; I felt an obligation to ‘see it through,’ even though if I did so they could easily let me go and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see it through anyway.

The new, brings with it feelings of exhilaration and excitement and I knew from experience that these are signs; my intuition was indicating that this is the door I should walk through for my personal development and expansion, so why the indecision?

Success means change

door-672999_1280Stepping up to the next level of success, however it manifests is something we’ve never before experienced and so it feels strange. We’ve all experienced that twinge of trepidation when we’ve had to deal with a new environment or situation, the doubt whether we are ‘up to the task’ do we have the skills, the intellect, the knowledge the confidence the style, the whatever…to make the grade and stay afloat in this new sea of experience?

Just keep swimming…

More often than not these fears are unfounded and we do more than rise to the occasion we may even find things are far easier at the ‘next level’ than we anticipated. We do more than float but swim deftly and easily. Before long it feels so familiar in this space we wonder why we ever had doubt in the first place.

The two faces of success

masks-833421_1280You see success has two faces: there’s the positive side, the side we focus on that keeps us ploughing on when we are in pursuit of the goal and are striving. We rarely see or think about the other side, which may have .

Yes there are potential negatives…

Fear of success is as I said and ‘UNCONSCIOUS’ saboteur and those fears are the ones that appear larger and more ominous because avoid evaluating them.

Anything we avoid, tends to grow stronger and more powerful. Anything you fear you tend to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) and when we focus on avoiding we reinforce the avoidance behaviour…hence procrastination, indecision, stop and start patterning etc.

If you wish losing a significant amount of weight you may:

  • Subconsciously fear the potential criticism or jealousy from others you know who say they need to lose weight too…you may be ‘ejected from the club.’
  • What about the extra attention and praise you may receive? You may fear how to deal with it
  • What of the new clothes you will undoubtedly have to buy. If you situation is less than flush, this could be a challenging investment to have to make.

They may seem trivial, but these subconscious saboteurs can completely halt your achieving your vision, thought you are actively ‘doing’ on conscious level.

The incredible Shrinking Saboteur

One way and the way I was able to shrink and get rid of my subconscious saboteur was to face it. Anything we put a spotlight on or examine tends to shrink and we see the issue for what it truly is. More often than not it is less scary that we imagined and we are able to find the confidence to deal with the feelings, situation, status, abundance that have manifest for us.

Spotlight

hands-423794_1280Turning the spotlight on my feelings made me realise that I didn’t have to ‘DO’ or ‘Be’ any more than I was already. I realised, that I was being fought for because I had been the very best I could be, I had consistently performed with passion and love over a 10-year plus period. I understood that this was just reward for that and that if I was to achieve even more and feel comfortable with the level of success I envisioned for myself this was the next logical step. I needed to put this new overcoat on and get used to wearing it.

Resolutions

girl-843076_1280By acknowledging the hidden side to success, but more importantly (and this is where the focus should be) by counting and acknowledging the positives, the minute by minute, day by day, month by month successes I had already achieved I was able to shift my feelings of undeserving or guilt and so feel completely worthy of the abundance being offered to me.

This January… as we consider the year that has just passed and look towards our ambitions for the year ahead I urge you to look at your success. Own and celebrate, what you have achieved and how far you have come. You will surprise yourself I assure you.

By feeling joy and self-appreciation you consciously programme yourself to accept and step up to even more success to come.

Blissings, Joy and peace for 2016

Insightful Angel

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Pissouri Pilgrimage No. 1

Happy Sunday all

greece-565926_1280Here’s the first instalment of my ‘Pissouri Pilgrimage’ posts. There was some learning and there was some insight, so for the next few weeks I’ll share them here with you.? My hope is that they help you in some way by shining a light on your thoughts about yourself or life, or give hope if you’re feeling less than confident. Maybe they will confirm for you how amazing life is!

4th October 2015

Pissouri – Cyprus 23.55 (local time)

Trepidation

I’m away as you can see.

cute-18833_1280For some strange reason I had a real feeling of trepidation about travelling and was almost in tears as I left this morning at 8am for my flight to Larnaca from Leeds & Bradford Airport. I had no idea why, I just felt so fearful; a complete feeling of dread was nestling in my chest and I nearly didn’t come. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would regret wasting the money spent and that I’ve had hassle changing bookings and etc. I think I may have ‘chickened’ out.

But, I’m here now.

10 days…alone with myself abroad.

It’s quite daunting and I think this is what made the fear rise up in me, even though I have travelled alone before, but that was some time ago.

I managed to re-assure and calm myself on the plane by playing with my angel cards, (I have brought them with me). Whether they provide comfort or not I believe they do and so that’s all that matters.

aircraft-479772_1280On the flight I sat next to Carol and her friend Margaret. Both phenomenal in their 70s (looking decades younger) and travelling to meet a friend who is very familiar with the island as she used to live here. They’ve both been before, but never alone and called me ‘brave.’ Hmmm… not sure I was feeling too brave at the time, but hey! I was still gripped by this in explainable fear, but you can’t exactly tell the pilot to turn around or stop the vehicle now can you?

Through someone else’s eyes

Airport terminal and they were aghast that I had not sorted my onward journey and had no idea how I was going to get from Larnaca to Pissouri. It turned out to be quite simple. A bus from Larnaca to Limassol and then a taxi to Pissouri. The bus was only €9, a bit better than the £74 round trip it was going to cost for transfers when I tried sorting it from sunny Leeds!

So there I am, pleased with myself that I’ve sorted the bus and I won’t have to spend a fortune and dip into an already sparse pocket. I’m still panicky, so I remember to be grateful and tell myself I’m lucky to be where I am and to be having this experience. I focus on reminding myself that the universe will support me and that things will turn out OK…

I believe it (kind of), but I say it to myself none-the-less.

woman-41891_1280It’s funny how we see ourselves differently to others. They saw a brave woman, going it alone, but because I was on the inside of me I focused on the nervousness I was feeling. Yet they would never have done what I did and would rather have lost the money they spent.

Sometimes it does you good to listen and see yourself through other’s eyes. You may just be surprised by what you discover.

Taxi ride

Well, just as this girl thought she’d done ‘good,’ the bus driver says I have to get off at the first stop and get a taxi. Now when I bought the bus ticket the woman made it quite clear (she even circled it on the bus timetable she gave me), that I should get off at the second stop; St. George (a church – I get the impression there are a few churches here, to say the least!)

baby-216876_1280Something tells me this is bit of a ‘swizz’ and the bus driver and taxi man are in cahoots, but I have no choice, my driver is going no further.

Pah!

€40…YES €40 later I am at the apartment.

Don’t get me wrong, me and Mr. Taxi man had a lovely chat. It turns out his daughter is studying ‘Biomedical Science’ at Leeds University, Yes, my hoe City – Clever girl!

What a very small world indeed…

He has three children like me and like me has two girls and a boy. His son is just finishing school and will have to do National Service and daughter no. two they are trying to get a position within the navy or something as she tried studying in the UK as a make-up artist, but gave it up. I don’t think he was too impressed.

i-105490_150The conversation sounded all too familiar and you realise that no matter where you go, people are all the sam. The same wants and dreams, the same concerns and issues. The language and the customs and the faiths and the cultures are wonderful manifestations of our uniqueness, yet below the surface there’s the universal experience of life that connects us to each other.

Underneath it all we are ONE…

I’m reassured.

Fleeced?!

But, I’m at this point smarting from the realisation I may have been ‘HAD!’ and I’m seriously worried about how I’m going to survive here.

pound-414418_1280This, I think was what my panic was about. I know how to penny pinch at home, but abroad?

And who wants to feel restricted in such beauty? But then I tell myself I am as confined and restricted as I think I am.

After orienting myself around the apartment, which is lovely by the way. Modern and very, very cleeeen! My kinda place. The lovely Theodora came up and introduced herself and gave me a bit of a run down. She’s from Eastern Europe, but says she likes the weather here.

A quick shower…

The panic rises again…

That first night out and dinner alone.

I talk myself down and take another couple of angel cards. Pretty Stupendous they are too: ‘Blessings,’ and ‘Archangel Michael.’

So off I pop, telling myself blessings are all around me, that Michael is with me and will take away my fear…

Dinner

I’ve just returned from dinner (yes alone).

greek-salad-689674_1280Halloumi, olives, pitta and hummus…delish! I DO love that cheese, and proper goat’s milk too, so no bilious belly and cramping later, but so very rich; I’m going to have to abstain and not indulge every day methinks.

At dinner I people watched and gave thanks for the lovely food and the very handsome cats that hovered like vultures wanting anything that might fall from your table. I had visions of the god almighty bloody scrap that would ensue if all five (or was it six?) of them descended on some morsel I might drop and I’m to put it to the test, but declined.

Being open to connection

psychology-789612_1280After eating and feeling very satisfied and just whilst I was just taking in my surroundings, a gentleman started to eat the grapes that hung from the roof of the restaurant. I did for a moment think they were real, but there were so many and they seems so perfectly round and plum and juicy, I’d deduced they’re fake.

Xenios offered me some (at least he wasn’t called Costas – That was the taxi driver!) and I have to say they were delicious, though a tad dusty, but what’s a little dust between new acquaintances? We chatted and he seemed to know quite a few people…he is also, it seems rather accomplished as a businessman as he seems to run a lot of different enterprises. Anyway, no doubt I’ll bump into him again as he has a water-sports business on the beach.

Reaching out

girl-843076_1280Conversation over, I walked back to the apartment in that profound darkness that there always seems to be when you’re on holiday and marvelled at the fact that I could clearly see the constellations and I was so grateful for the lack of light pollution. I mused how we can only connect if we are open to it. If I’d been fearful or resistant Xenios would not have approached me. Sure he probably does it with everyone, but for me alone, it was a welcome distraction from my nervousness and fear.

In what way could you connect? you could be the person who relieves a moment of anxiety for someone else. so consider the next time you pull back from reaching out due to your own nervousness or fears.

A decision

I decided to write-up my day in a diary, but then realised that perhaps this trip will contain significant learning & insights that I can share, so here goes.

Today has been about trust:

  • Trusting that the ‘other’ source is there to support me and to support all of us.
  • Trusting myself and my instincts to get it right
  • I was tested and thrown into strange and unfamiliar situations and with people I did not know…
  • This frightened me.
  • I was tired and not wanting the challenge of having to do this all alone.
  • I had to rely on myself and more importantly, to trust that the universe would create the best outcomes for all concerned.sueaking-482701_1280

She did…but the outcome would have been very different I suspect if I’d gotten into panic and continued to have negative thoughts when my fear arose.

Like the boy in the Polar express I kept feeling my way when all I wanted to do was give up or turn around and go back.

I stayed in gratitude, trusting that I’d be OK…

I now believe I will be just that…OK.

I swallowed my fear and ventured out, when I wanted to stay in and hide and give myself the excuse that I’d just arrived and I could go out tomorrow.

Instead, I pushed through my panic and fear and…

I ate well

I made a connection

And the crème de la crème… I found a vegan raw food restaurant on the walk home…

Guess where I’ll be eating from now on?

Kale chips a plenty!

23.24 UK time: 1.24 Pissouri time. Time to sign off

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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Belief

Happy Sunday All,

(Posted 6th October – but hey, better late than never eh?)

The Polar Express

Last night (3rd October) I watched the ‘Polar Express.’ I love that film, but you know when you watch something and get a different message every time you watch it. Well, last night I got a very different message, a message, which seemed to speak to me right where I am living in this moment.

baby-216876_1280You see, I am about to travel and for some reason, though I need the break I am experiencing some trepidation. I don’t know why, but I feel unprepared and nervous about the prospect of spending time in a foreign county alone. It’s not the aloneness you understand, I’m very used to that, but I’m not quite sure what It is.

The Polar Express is about belief.

A boy begins to doubt Christmas and the existence of Father Christmas and so ends up on a train to the North Pole and experience a series of challenges that test him until he ends up believing.

Believing

face-636095_1280 It’s about belief…believing in something even though it may be something you cannot see, or touch. At one point the boy is walking long the roof of the train and there’s a snowstorm. He can’t see clearly. There’s snow in his eyes and wind trying to blow him of course, but he’s searching for his friend and he knows that’s the direction she went in, so despite not being able to see anything, half blind and with no surety that he will find his friend he keeps going.

You probably do not know, but I made a significant change to my life just a year ago and I have created a new life and a new way of serving that seems like the right path for me. It is not without it challenges and at a time when thinks seems particularly ‘sticky,’ this lesson seemed very timely.

So, as I am wont to do, I had to share the insight:

What I took from that is that even though you may have decided on a path, a course of action a desire or a wish to keep going, keep believing, keep moving forward.

You may not be able to see the result, just blurry light in the distance and a vague belief that there is something out there for you then, you need to keep feeling your way. Keep your hands stretched out front, keep moving in the direction that feels right for you.

Forward motion

forest-249029_150Though the movement beneath you is rocky and unstable and you have no true idea where you’ll end up, keep pressing forward.

Fog

Despite being blinded by the fog and blown off course by the biting North wind, he kept moving forward. His belief held firm and he KNEW he would win through, though there was no evidence in front of him.

Just one step at a time.

Once he comes through and reaches his goal the train guard (played by Tom Hanks), says to the boy, ‘Sometimes the only things worth believing in are the things you can’t see.’

japan-808989_1280The goals we create for ourselves are often blanketed in fog, a shadowy ‘something out there,’ that we sense, but can’t quite make see clearly.

I guess that sense is the intuition, the inner ‘knower.’ Our little boy trusted his inner know and kept moving towards his goal, he kept believing in what he couldn’t see and was rewarded with reaching his goal

So albeit a brief post this week as I prepare to travel, I hope you get the message to keep going.

Your future or vision may be foggy now and perhaps you can’t articulate it as eloquently as you’d like to, but TRUST and keep moving in the direction of your dreams.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

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Last tie

Happy Sunday All,

This week I came across a blog post from a young 24-year-old.

Called ‘My last tie.’

neckties-210347_1280They were trying to make the last moments of  their life matter, so they posted some advice for the rest of us. Much of what he said resonated quite powerfully as much of ‘My last tie,’ were thoughts and musings I have tried to express here when I share the learning I have acquired on my journey.

However, they can never be stated too often.

So for today, I am going to reference the powerful words of the author of ‘My last tie’ and add my own insights:

“Don’t waste your time on work that you don’t enjoy.”

  • Why do we do it to ourselves? If we are to succeed in life at whatever it is we DO, surely there is a need for us to love whatever it is we are doing? When we do things out of obligation or duty we cannot possible DO our best nor be our best selves. We owe it to ourselves to be ‘in love’ with what we do, for when we do what we love we are passionate and dedicated. When someone has passion for what they do, the dedication to see it through no matter what and the focus to not be distracted by the naysayers and detractors, success naturally follows.

encourage-866765_1280“It’s stupid to be afraid of others’ opinions.”

  • When we pay attention to the opinions of others we lose ourselves.You see… the one thing I know, is that we cannot control others and that everyone has opinions. It stands to reason then that if you allow yourself to be caught in the trap of listening to and paying attention to others’ opinions of you, you will very quickly become bent out of shape. Eventually you will have with no real idea who YOU truly are, as you veer this way to that opinion and then that way because of someone else’s.
  • The only way to stay centred and sure is to follow the unmistakable beat and calling of your own intuition regarding what is right for you. Yes… you risk seeming ‘odd’ to everyone else, so what if it’s not ‘conventional,’ (who want’s to be that anyway?) In time, you will feel the joy of walking to your own beat and singing to the rhythm that’s within your own soul.
  • Soon, you’ll be so in love with your own life you won’t even hear the voices of the detractors and who knows… Maybe in doing so, you may well become someone else’s HERO/INE?

“Take control of your life Take full responsibility for the things that happen to you.”

  • The life you’re living today, in this very moment, is as a result of the decisions you made and actions you took in the past. OWN IT!
  • You cannot move securely and positively into the future of a life you want if you’re making excuses and blaming others for where you find yourself today. Of course the decisions others make, you can only react to, but there again, your reaction, physical or emotional, is your CHOICE to make.
  • You see when you take responsibility for where you are and accept ‘YOU‘ got yourself here, you are fully empowered because along with that thought, comes the realisation that you can simply ‘choose’ and ‘act’ differently to produce a different outcome in the future.

A New EndingSo choose today…Choose now… Take action…

Create a different outcome!

Move your body

  •  A lazy body leads to a lazy mind. Your body is the container for your wonderful essence. It stands to reason, that if you put food into a stale container, then no matter how fresh it was before, the food will go off. You cannot hope to put positivity in, if what you’re putting it into is already caked with negativity. Find an activity, no matter how unusual that makes you feel expanded and joyous and get up and GO!

    Most of all, don’t procrastinate!

    Let your life be shaped by decisions you made, not by the ones you didn’t. – Speaks for itself!

    divergence-899506_1280Life is NOW, not when everything is perfect, there is no such thing as the perfect time and if there was how would YOU know when in waiting for things to be ‘perfect,’ as you see them, you’re passing up on doors that have opened for you because you didn’t like the colour they were painted.

“Appreciate the people around you your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love.” That is why you shouldn’t take them for granted.

  • Again, self-explanatory, but remember who was there for you. My hope is that you have relatives who are loving and supportive, but if the family you were born into are not there for you then focus your attention on the family that is…
  • Give them your time,
  • Give them your effort,
  • Give them your energy
  • Give them your love.

Don’t leave it till you’re close to choosing your last tie to decide your life is worth living!

I truly hope these words resonate…

I will repeat them time and time again until everyone or can influence in my own small way, is choosing the life they want and deserve and not one they accept by default. You see even just in the choosing and the creating you will experience energy and joy because you’re the creator. You’ll finally be the one in the ‘driving seat’ of your life.

Blissings & much love

Insightful Angel

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The Question

Happy Sunday all,

leave-364178_1280It was Friday morning 8.50am; the first teaching period of the day. Another one of those sessions where I basically talk about life with the small group of pupils I have recently been assigned. We are fast approaching the end of the summer term. These 15/16 year olds will be on study leave in a week. They’re perched on the edge of a ledge called ‘life’ about to step off into their futures…

College, sixth form studies, work, apprenticeships and I felt, rightly so that there would be among them, some confusion and much trepidation.

For eleven years they have had the surety and comfort that the rules and systems of schooling bring. They’re institutionalised and now were being released into the world expected to know how to navigate life’s seas and steer their own ship. So, I asked told them I would not decide the topic of discussion that day, they would and that they could ask me ANYTHING…If I could answer it I would.

Well, I set myself up didn’t I?

One boy looked at me dolefully and came out with a whopper!

smiley-150663_1280The Question of all Questions

He said: ‘What are we supposed to do?

I could see the confusion and underlying fear in his eyes and knew my response to the question needed to assuage his fear, but create enthusiasm at the same time. But most of all I knew I needed honesty in response to the question because they he/ were trusting me to  prepare them for what lay beyond those school gates.

How does one respond to: THE QUESTION?

I responded adequately enough I thought.

There is so much more I could have said, but at the time with the need for spontaneity, this was the best I could do:

I told him we are here to learn…

We are here to use our feelings to show us what is right for us in this life; that their life is THEIRS and theirs alone and they know what’s best for them and who they choose to be.

The plea

blue-lotus-215460_150I pleaded with them to respect their own life, their own choices and in so doing understand that as they have the right to choose, so do others. I made it clear that regardless of the desires of those, who honestly DO think they have our best interests at heart, that they are here to decide for themselves. I told him that life is…in every moment a choice. And it is through the choices we make; it is in the way we respond to others, to situations, and events that we decide and discover, define and refine who we are in life.

I told him that they should go out and ‘Grasp Life,’ rush in full on; that there would be times of fear, but fear often meant they are being expanded and to not shy away from the new.

The Diamond – An analogy

I often use this to illustrate what life is when talking to young people. I find messages have more impact if they are

  1. Relateable and
  2. Create a vision

My diamond analogy goes like this:

Have you ever seen a diamond when it has just been extracted from the earth?

Well, it’s cloudy and of course dirty. There’s a lack of uniformity to its shape.

Something like this.

DiamondI explained that our expectations of the bright, shiny, faceted stones we have come to expect are as a result of ABRASION… the outcome of being chipped & chiselled, buffed & polished; that this abrasion takes time, but in the end we see the treasure.

I explained that in life, they would experience abrasion, they would be buffed and polished, chipped and chiselled, but that this would be necessary if they are to show the glistening, priceless gem of who they are which lies underneath. They got it! I hope you do too.

The great wrestle

lady-36446_150It is those situations which invoke fear, the ones they will have to wrestle with, the ones, which will make them feel they ‘Can’t’ which are the very ones which will ‘smooth them out.’ And they should always remember that they absolutely ‘CAN!’ if they believe it.

I made it quite clear that your ‘soul mate’ is one who challenges you and forces you to grow, to expand in the choices and decisions you are (sometimes forced) to make because they cause you to touch your ‘soul’ and decide who and what you are from a deep, albeit sometimes painful place.

It’s all worth it in the endfitness-332278_150

I clarified that life wouldn’t necessarily be easy, but if they remembered what I said and applied it, I guaranteed it would be worth it!

Life is a schoolroom.

We came to learn…

We come to make choices and

We come to create both ourselves as beings and the lives we choose.

Challenges, apologies and gifts…oh and a little fun!

I challenged them to take chances and as long as they did not cause pain, injury or upset to others, as long as they could ‘check in’ with themselves and know that what they were doing, in answer to the question and who they were being, was adding something positive to the world they would be doing just fine.

heart-63974_150I told them all they need be is themselves, make no apology for who they are and what they need and…

I told them they/we ALL have a gift, a gift to contribute to the world and their duty was to go out and discover what it was, that it may not bring fame or recognition, but it would undoubtedly bring happiness and to…

Bloody well have fun doing it!

I reminded them, that It’s fun and the joy it brings which is the compass that tells us we’re on exactly the right road…heading in exactly the right direction

Was it good for you too?

I could have said much more perhaps…but for now I hope today’s post creates many ‘Ah-ha’ moments.

margarite-74886_640If this resonates, then could you do me a favour.  Why not share it with a young person you know. They are excellent pretenders at age 15-20, but be assured many of them are unsure of their next step. It is our duty to prepare them, to be honest with them, to encourage them and to love them.

If this post articulates what you would like to say to your child, niece, nephew, grandchild, god-child, cousin, friend or neighbour then share it with them. Give them the gift of their own life…

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

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The ties that bind

Happy Sunday all,

Do you get the feeling that there’s a change afoot?

A polarisation?

Doom & Gloom

eyes-34781_150Our destruction of our planet, the near extinction of many of the world’s species, Polar Ice-Caps melting, GMO crops & foods, pesticides, annihilating our Bee population, Fracking and all the other heartless, big-business practises; taxation, taxation, taxation, our increasing lack of freedom and civil liberty, can make it seem as though we are completely enmeshed in the ‘Big Brother’ era and the ‘Matrix’ seems inescapable.

We are suspicious of and hateful towards anything and anyone that isn’t a member of our ‘tribe,’ the ones that do not wear the same markings we do, ‘The other,’ or ‘Them,’ ‘Them’ who are taking our homes, our jobs, dating our children and lowering our moral standards. ‘They’ who are ‘strange’ and ‘different’ and just ‘not like us.’

Paranoia and fear are high. In such times…we tend to forget ‘the ties that bind’ and focus on factors that divide.

The Awakening

christmas-221393_150Yet, at the same time can’t you feel it? There’s a spiritual awakening taking place. More and more of us are waking up, searching for and finding the truth beyond the veil of mis-representations and omissions that have kept us pretty blind to what is really important on this journey.

In just twenty years I have seen a greater acceptance of a more spiritual language and it’s seeping into the language of the everyday. When my spiritual journey started and I mentioned the word ‘soul.’ I would be looked on quizzically, sometimes called a ‘weirdo.

A new Language

street-sign-141396_150Yoga, Meditation, Vegetarianism, Vegan lifestyles, Conservation and the growth membership of organisations calling for Unity, (some of which have been working hard so for several decades, to only NOW be heard) caring for our planet and the idea that perhaps it IS possible to live in harmony with the other creatures that inhabit this earth. Were all ideas that we sneered at a decade or so ago, but happily the awakening is picking up pace and more and more of us are getting it – allowing the thought that “There’s gotta be more than this!” and it is a thought that        is gathering pace.

Divide and conquer

Let’s face it, there are two main ideals we experience which keep us passive and ‘running’ around the hamster wheel of life.

arm-wrestling-176645_150We are assaulted by a perpetual and unrelenting media diet of unachievable goals to meet with regard to our bodies, ambitions, ideals and our material wealth else we’re deemed failures and secondly, we are told to compete with one another is the norm and this in turn feeds the notion that everyone outside of our ‘tribe’ is somehow a threat…if we let them get a ‘bigger slice of the pie.’ there’ll be less for ‘US’ to go around!

FOOLISHNESS!

The only thing that thoughts like that create is a situation that keeps us separated from the very thing(s) we’re trying to draw into our lives… slackening the ties that bind.

‘If you’re not with us you’re ‘against us’

Race, culture, religion, gender, orientation, height, the sports team you support, neighbourhood you live in , car you drive, size of home, clothes you wear, size of TV screen, title at work are all labels we use. We’re sent a message which says that these titles and roles define who we are. We are then handed a set of ideals and rules that ‘our tribe’ says are necessary for survival, for inclusion, for acceptance and so then cloak ourselves in these rules and titles feeling superior and more entitled than the next person because of them.

More alike than not

smartphone-1445489_1280I know I’m not speaking here about anything you’re not already aware of, however the influence is so subtle, so persistent that at times it is barely noticeable. It runs deep, taking on a myriad of forms, so at times we forget that it is exactly these energies that are influencing us and shaping our minds, particularly those of our children. They become consumed with consuming, infatuated by popularity and seduced by Social Media.

The purpose?

To keep us distracted…to keep us sedated, so we disregard our natural capacity for love, so we continue to feel ‘less than,’ so we continue to ‘buy’ our self-approval, self-love and the love and approval of everyone else.

To no avail.

Bake your own piepumpkin-pie-520655_1280

Let’s say one day I wake up in a great mood and decide to bake a blueberry pie. I have a whole range of ingredients in my cupboards and in my fruit bowls, but I know I’m going to need blueberries; butter and flour to create the perfect pastry base; I have the salt and splash of milk needed to give it just a hint of richness; I know exactly what ingredients I need and exactly how to put it together.  So these are the ingredients I choose and combine to make the perfect blueberry pie.

The ingredients that are in harmony with and required for my recipe.

…It’s your kitchen, your pie, right here…now!

Those other ingredients in the cupboard are not right for my pie, but I don’t spend my time worrying about how they taste, or what they’re doing on the larder shelf, nor do I choose to exclude these ingredients from the cupboard and the kitchen altogether.ladles-419248_1280

I do not focus on them as they languish on the larder shelves, I don’t worry that I must throw the lot out because I don’t need them for the pie I’m baking now. I focus on baking my pie, in my kitchen, right here, right now. It doesn’t matter that these ingredients exist.

They’ll only end up in my pie if I put them in!

If I focus on them instead of concentrating on the pie I’m baking, then the likelihood is that I’ll end up burning my pie…all that effort wasted, no enjoyment, no delicious pie and as an end result I won’t get the satisfaction of eating something wonderful that I created.

“‘Tis the season to be jolly”balls-19885_150

When I recall the harrowing scenes of ‘Black Friday,’ and as this festive season gathers pace, I’d like for us to consider what it is that this season is really about?

It’s said it’s the “season of good will to all (wo)men.”

So this Festive Fortnight focus on the ‘ties that bind.’ Remember we are:

One human family

In my life I have learnt that our differences are wonderful and we really should celebrate them; that at the core we are more alike than different and that’s where our beauty resides. Instead of making this festive season one of competition and ‘feeling hard done to’ because you didn’t get the latest whatever…

Instead of rushing into yet another frenzied commercial scrum headlong into ‘sales’ to buy yet more things you do not need coz ‘that’s the thing to do isn’t it?’ why not take a moment.we-566326_1280

  1. Share a thought for someone who’s alone this holiday season and say ‘hello,’ even better spend half an hour or so. What could it hurt?
  2. Instead of rushing to buy yet more NEW, what do you have that you could generously give to others less fortunate, or recycle so others can get some joy from items that you no longer want or use?
  3. Th next time you meet or hear of someone who is making choices that are in contrast to yours try instead of criticising remember to focus on baking your own pie and accept that they are baking their own! It doesn’t have to have the same flavour as yours.

When we accept that we are millions of bakers, in our own kitchens, baking pies at the same time, choosing our own flavours and creating THE most wonderful aromas, when we get that we’re all perfectly imperfect cooks those realisations are the ones that will finally create ‘The ties that bind.’

Bliss-ings & Much love

Insightful Angel 

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When things fall apart

Happy Sunday,

Yesterday I broke.

self-doubt-424968_1280I literally fell apart. I was in bits…I crashed to the floor into a million shiny pieces and had no idea how to glue myself back together.

“Things fall apart” is a book by Chinua Achebe and concerns the issues face by a controlling, dominant man who has a strict idea of what it means to be a man. The reality is he has no control over anything save his own words and actions. The lesson I took from that is that in life one has to yield…When we are rigid and insist we know it all life more than often throws you a curve ball just as a reminder.  The only thing you can do in that instance is decide:

‘WHO’ do I choose to be in response to this event/situation, who am I going to be right now?’

I am undone…

mourning-360500_150I had been given some devastating news, news which sent me into a tailspin, news which changed what I knew as truth and turned it upside down. It kicked me HARD in the gut. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t DO anything. I knew this could be the undoing of me and I had no idea how to hold myself together.

I was numb…

I felt if I moved or thought, or anything I would never be able to recover myself and after all the things I’ve had to pick myself up from this was the one that would be the undoing of me.

I did nothing…Literally nothing.

Then the stillness came

bank-340779_150So I was just still…No blinking, I don’t recall any breathing (though there must have been some as I’m still here) I clenched and held on tight. There were no tears, no noise, no emotion, no thought whatsoever and I was terrified. I have never been in a space of absolutely no reaction whatsoever before, but I knew there was nothing else.

My mind and body took over.

For nearly three hours I was like this…fortunately I had received the devastating news at precisely 3.25am (funny how you recall minute detail in a crisis) It’s as if everything becomes heightened and you’re sharper in a weird, floaty, other-worldy kind of way.

At 6.15am my mind kicked in and reminded me from somewhere in my subconscious that I have day two of a fantastic Coaching Training course to attend and I needed to DO SOMETHING!

Autopilot

portrait-317041_640I don’t really recall getting ready, I must have drifted in and out of…not consciousness, but more an awareness of reality as my next memory was walking into the city centre to the hotel where the event was being held. As I walked I heard a voice inside, a voice which obviously had some fight in her… a determined self-preservation saying…

‘Come on! don’t break, Step towards your life…you have a life to live!’

It was like a mantra and propelled me towards the hotel. I was still holding on all the way, the tension was there. Before I knew it I was at the entrance and jolted back into reality. When I saw my new-found friends from the programme a part of me felt as if it had come back to itself. I did the usual exchanging of pleasantries and began to feel a little better.

But I was still holding…

The pressure was building, but if there’s one thing I am good at it’s pushing those feelings down and not letting them control me…I’ve had a lot of practise when it comes to picking myself up and getting on with it! It’s a challenging path…It’s a lonely one, there have been times when I really didn’t think I could make it one more day, times when I  have been spent and had no idea how or where to find the courage and strength to do what I had to…

I have been deep, but usually there’s no-one there and so I learnt to ‘get on with it,’ and break down in private. Little did I know the universe would take me even deeper and expose me. My worst night mare come true.

There was a huge knot in my gut…and a constriction of my throat. I knew It would be impossible for me to eat.

Vesuvius! – Explode…Expose…Exhalevolcanic-eruption-67668_1280

The room was warm.

It got warmer and warmer, the facilitator was explaining the first task. My mind was grateful. Good I get to practise my coaching and get some feedback. And then it happened. The dam broke!

Overwhelm followed. The feelings I had repressed all morning, the control I’d wrestled to keep a hold of weakened…I weakened and the flood commenced.

I held my nose, I gritted my teeth, I clenched my fists and nothing was able to get me back to my equilibrium. I had not choice but to just let it out. I had to leave the room. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I’d let myself down. I’m supposed to be able to deal with anything. I’m the ‘strong one! for god’s sake!’

The wonderful Claire, who was sitting opposite me and who was my partner in the exercise followed me outside and did…

NOTHING!

It was just what I needed her to do…

Surrendersad-girl-236769_150

In that moment I gave in…

I surrendered.

I surrendered to the agony and the pain and the loss and when all I could do was sob and mourn and wail and sob some more and shake and cry, I learnt several lessons in that moment:

  1. My/our feelings are nothing I need to feel ashamed of.
  2. They’re mine/ours and they’re OK
  3. They are there to guide us and they are there to support our spiritual and emotional health. It’s OK to feel… It’s OK to let the flow happen.
  4. When I dive into my feelings…really let myself be immersed in them I come through the other side lighter and wiser and freer. There’s less tension and a greater acceptance.
  5. When things fall apart…wail, cry, scream and then just breathe
  6. I’m not perfect and I don’t have to be…the only person that expects that of me…IS ME!

(What the hell would perfection look like anyway?…We’re always learning always expanding). When has there been a day when we did not learn something new about ourselves or the world in general or about another?

Most importantly, I learnt that we are LOVE. 

In what way can you be love today? Be it…Show it…You may just save someone’s life.

Love is…

beach-193786_150Our instinct is to reach out, to support and to love. I’ve always believed that, yet it can seem today, with all the horrible things occurring in our modern world and how often the needs of others are ignored, that that’s not the case. I have often doubted it myself, chastising myself for being believing this and being so naïve and telling myself to ‘Get real,’ or ‘Grow up.’  

The only time we reject and hurt and decry and break down and slander and try to own others or keep them with us, is when we are afraid within ourselves, it’s out of a desire to maintain OUR comfort. Afraid of how we’ll be seen in comparison or afraid of the unknown because we’ve never navigate this emotional or physical territory before or else afraid we’re getting close to revealing our insecurity or our hidden thoughts about ourselves and we’ll be rejected.

Many of us are prepared to fight to the death to keep up a situation that is miserable because it’s familiar. Even if others who we profess to love, get hurt in the process. If love is showing up in this way, that’s not love.

That’s fear, possession, greed, selfishness, it’s insecurity it’s NEEDINESS

That’s most definitely NOT love.

Love is and will always be a ‘Giving’ emotion. It can take no other form. If it feels any different, then some other desire or need is driving its expression

My newfound friends created a loving space for me to just be.

They did not judge me, they did not question me or quiz me. They simply let me express whatever It was I needed to in that moment. They exhibited pure acceptance and love and in so doing allowed me to love and accept myself that bit more.

The timing was uncanny: And so I had another confirmation of a long-held belief of mine:

Divinity…

  • The universe is divine wisdom.
  • We are a part of that wisdom
  • It works through and for ALL of us

thank-you-140227_640Without the support I received yesterday I truly think I could honestly have been a ‘bit of a basket case!’

The universe knew that when I received my news I would need support and as I live alone it’s rather uncanny isn’t it, that I was on a training programme with exactly the kinds of people I would need to get me through the emotions I experienced.

Synchronicity…Kismet… Co-incidence. Call it what you will. We have all had such incidents in our lives. They’re evidence of the support the universe puts in place when we need it and YES that includes you!

Perhaps it’s a fleeting introduction to or meeting with someone who is doing, being, having a career or lifestyle you have dreams of, perhaps it’s someone who through your interaction creates a feeling of the support, accomplishment, love and happiness you are aching for?

‘When the student is ready the master appears!’

2014-06-22 11.18.54We are given samples, given brief glimpses of what our soul knows is right for us, so that we allow go after it and muster enough courage and self-love to step into what we know in our hearts we truly deserve.

Every moment of our lives we should feel grateful, blessed and In love.

With ourselves, our lives and (if you have a significant other) with our partners and children. If you don’t.

Make the change…

Be vulnerable and brave

Follow your feelings…

Therein lies the source of your happiness.

Blessings and much love

Insightful Angel 

 

 

 

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Overcome The Fear; Step into GREATNESS

 

Happy Sunday everyone,

pinwheel-9228_150Last week I discussed love & fear and today I’m going to delve a little deeper into how we overcome the fear and stepping into our greatness.

Since Tuesday I’ve been in the wonderful Somerset countryside at a place called Nettlecombe Court on the edge of the Exmoor National park, on a writing retreat with some of my students.

It’s ben a wonderful few days filled with writing and sunshine.

I wasn’t going to come

2014-07-05 07.58.05Tonight was our last night and as I climbed the steep hill this evening towards the top for our last get together, a ‘fire circle.’ I got talking to  young man who told me what a great time he’d had, yet at the start of the trip at the last-minute he’d decided he wasn’t going to come.

Now he was so pleased with himself that he did because he’d been challenged to write different styles, challenged to be self-sufficient and challenged to make new friends, all of which he had achieved admirably and so he was, rightfully so, proud of himself.

More importantly I could see he’d grown as a person. He was expanded. He’d learnt new things, met new people and was enriched by it. He was confident in his own abilities and as a result had conviction; a knowledge of who he was and the knowledge that he can go out into the world and grab hold of whatever he want from it!

Fearlessness

He bless him, had demonstrated ‘Fearlessness’

Fearlessness isn’t some abstract act or emotion demonstrated by Knights a and prince’s in fairy tales and curtly acts and gestures of love.

Fearlessness is knowing that this thing holds fear for you, but being determined not to let that fear paralyse you and to push through regardless. Push through to your greatness.

Feeding the babybaby-105063_150

The result of allowing fear into our lives is that we become smaller and smaller until all memory of the expansive feeling, that should be our norm, is lost and we accept instead a pale, shrunken substitute in the form of fear.

We nestle it in bosom and cradle it in our arms and tell fear ‘it’s Okay…nothing will harm or threaten you.’

We allow the negative voices of the ego, the voices of trepidation, the voices of ‘I couldn’t do it so why should you?’ we indulge the persistent and endless ‘What about’ voices that echo and echo in your head.

What about your pension, what about paying your rent, what about getting a career with prospects… ‘what about’…’what about’…’what about.’

We amplify them… megaphone-150254_150

They take up root theses voices, grow claws and fangs and gnaw away at us…

The more we listen the less able we are to act. We become dry not fluid and free-flowing and like anything that’s dry and shrivelled, we become brittle. Our brittle nature, our resentment (primarily of ourself for not allowing our innate brilliance to shine), we then project on others.

It’s in this way that we perpetuate the cycle of insignificance, of being afraid to step out and re-draw again the cycle of frustration…

But we know it’s not enough don’t we? We FEEL it in our core that there’s more than we are currently experiencing, but what? How do we access it?

Don’t just take my word for it, I’m not the first to have said so, so here’s a reminder:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne WilliamsonA Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

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In my experience, I have found, that the way to end your fear is to find your centre. Finding your centre means you develop an inner strength and self belief and develop a deeper connection with your higher power. In developing this connection you are more able to hear the messages that are guiding you to your best self; to the activities, roles, people and situations that accelerate you souls’ learning and to finding your purpose.flower-22656_150

When you do find your centre, you become completely clear in the knowledge that you are a part of everything and that everything is a part of you. You no longer feel there is anything to fear.

How do I access my centre you may ask?

For me that has been beautifully found through the practise of meditation.

But there are other ways:

One lovely way is to have something in your life that allows you to connect to your creativity, just as we have done at Nettlecombe.

It may not be something conventionally creative like painting or flower arranging and it definitely doesn’t have to be for anyone else’s approval other than that of your own. In fact make sure it’s just for you…

This is designed to feed you, to lift your soul and not anyone else’s, so do something that makes you smile

Building momentum

lady-307315_150Dance around the room once or twice a week to uplifting music, or roll around in the leaves in the park,  Take up a new class of some kind, Write, Join a choir and sing your heart out, Go for a run (or if you’re like me a geriatric stroll), but hey, at least you’re getting some fresh air! Help someone and then…

KEEP DOING IT! Build a ‘feel good factor momentum,’ lift your mood, feel good, for when you feel good, what do you have to worry about let alone fear?

The more often you do this, the more your fear lessens.

You begin to feel invincible and to be honest,

Invincible is exactly how we are meant to feel! ; )

Blessings

Insightful Angel

 

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Change – Overcoming fear, embracing the new

Happy Sunday all

swallowtail-butterfly-329086_150Everything Changes

Today, I’ve thought a lot about change and why it is a state that often causes such fear to rise within us. Everything changes… That’s a given…

Change happens automatically; events, people and situations are in a constant state of flux, yet to so many of us ‘Change’ is a word that often provokes the onset of irrational fear(s) and can be the catalyst for a many of our most deep-seated insecurities to erupt.

But why? Life has taught me that change is, more often than not, the Universe’s way of bringing you into a closer alignment with your truth and ultimately with your Soul’s purpose? Isn’t that what we are ultimately all striving to know? So why resist?

fear-299679_640Please…anything but change!

The idea of changing anything, is for many of us such a powerful fear that we will to induce accident, illness or breakdown to avoid it. Some of us isolate ourselves to the point of paranoia to avoid it, while others are just angry all the time, using our anger as a way of deflecting new ideas or people, opportunities or affections. In this way we cut ourselves off from creating real and powerful connections. At the same time we deepen our ‘Story.’ You know; that one about how no-one appreciates or helps us, or the one about being alone, or the one about how no-one can be trusted; then there’s the other one that says all men/women/teenagers/ lawyers/mothers/…blah blah are all…whatever it is we feel we are justified in bemoaning. Well, hell yeah! If you reject everything, (resist change), and live in fear; sooner or later everything and everyone will get the message and guess what they will… LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE!. Ergo…you get exactly what you wished for. NO CHANGE.

cat-245750_640 Fear kills.

The fear of change is powerful, so much so that, for many of us, it kills our natural spirit of adventure and curiosity. It freezes out the wonder and petrifies the hope. I have always wondered why this is… I have, since childhood, been a naturally curious person. I’ve desired and often welcomed change. You could say I was easily bored and so was always investigating and probing. This trait for a child in a rather strict household is not necessarily a good thing! As a young child I was often told that I was ‘nosey,’ ‘knew too much,’ ‘was showing people up,’ (usually from the adults who were unable to answer my questions), or I was, in no uncertain terms, told to simply ‘SHUT UP!’

Impossible? or I’m Possible? street-sign-141396_150

But change has been something I have naturally embraced; some would say to the point of stupidity and that it is this frivolous part of my nature which lead to me never realising my true potential. “Ah ha!!”, but I know better. I have, as I said before, found the prospect of change exciting and still continue to seek new direction if I find myself in a place where I am not developing, not learning and/or not contributing. I constantly try new enterprises and experiences and have found my life being enriched by these experiences, not diminished. For change, to me, offers POSSIBILITY. The idea of change means you get to start again; a ‘DO OVER’ the Americans call it, I think? So why not embrace it? Think about it.

Want, want, want.balloon-104610_640

So many of us simply WANT. We want to:

        • Improve the way we live
        • Have a better body
        • Gain greater financial freedom
        • Improve our health
        • Find the ideal relationship/perfect partner.

The list goes on… balloon-104612_640

Yet so many of us find it hard to take action and instead we simply talk about it. How many people do you know who are constantly desiring a change in some aspect of their lives AND actually get up and DO something about it? balloon-104608_640

Talk is cheap

Talk is easy…Too easy.  eyes-35616_640 As the old adage goes ‘Talk is cheap.’ If you’re a person who knows there’s more to life, more to you and you WILL NOT settle for being less than you know you can be or have the ability to achieve; if you’re a person who, like me, despite errors of judgement, mistakes, trips and slip-ups, feels you have no choice but to keep on trying, ‘keep on keeping on’ because there is nothing else and you WILL NOT stop until you make the life you see so clearly in your mind’s eye a reality: then you, my friend, are a person who has no other option than to embrace change. Nothing was ever conceived of or created without some form of change taking place.

The power to choose, the power to change    direction-255294_150

Change is beautiful. Through change some of our most wonderful insights are received. Through change some of our most memorable moments are created. Through change we learn and in learning we move forward. Let’s take an everyday example; the birth of my children… for each of my amazing children to be born, my body had to change. My stomach swelled, my hormone balance shifted, my hair and nails grew, my weight increased. Oh the wonder of those changes! With every change I experienced a deeper appreciation for my body, a greater understanding of my physiology and a more profound love for the life that I was creating and the body I had been gifted! For any of us to finally have that dream job, life, perfect partner we have to open up to accepting… Accepting the abundance that is waiting to deliver itself to us and CHANGE our thoughts around feelings of unworthiness.

butterfly-108616_150The wonder of change

To have wealth we need to applaud the successes of others. CHANGE our feelings of resentment and congratulate them on their ambition, drive, passion and perseverance. Value their persistence and know that in so doing the same energy which fell into alignment for them is waiting for you to CHANGE your thoughts so it can serve you too. For the perfect relationship we need to CHANGE or feelings of jealousy, be happy for them and smile knowing that their ‘feel good feelings’ and abundant love are proof that such abundance exists. If they can manifest those feelings and affections then so can you. So, the next time you are presented with an opportunity; perhaps a friend introduces you to a life-changing business idea; perhaps you are given the chance to start something noble but small; perhaps they would like you to meet a new person or check out a new group; perhaps you are given the opportunity to serve your community in some way… Rather than reject, consider CHANGE. If you shift your immediate reaction from one of disdain and thoughts of ‘impossible?’ – what could you create; what could happen; how could your life change for the better? Remember “impossible” can also can be written:

“I’m Possible” yes-238378_150

Make your attitude one of openness and give any new idea some thought before you dismiss it. Catch it, look at it. Have you reacted from a place of fear or from a place of considered thought and careful soul-searching? Does this feel exciting? Are you filled with tremors of nervousness? If so, it’s a sure bet you should go right ahead and do the damned thing and that the universe will bring you what you need when you need it. It may just be THE very thing that shifts your life in the direction you want it to go. That very openness is the green light, a signal to the universe that you are ready to receive all the wealth, health and abundance that it has reserved for you. So, for today… CHANGE one (negative) thought, build momentum, CHANGE one habit, CHANGE your life!

Insightful Angel

 

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