Tag Archives: Letting go

Valentine

Happy Sunday All,

Valentine’s Day…

valentines-day-1182246_1280This year, Valentine’s day falls on the same day as the Chinese New Year, It’s the anniversary of the George Ferris’s 157th birthday, it’s also the day a famous massacre took place in 1929. In 1945, just after midnight the German city of Dresden was bombed and finally the saint after which the festival is named, ST. Valentine, was executed on this day some time around 270 AD according to historical records.

It’s a day when we express our affection with cards, excesses of chocolate, roses, wine and all manner of tokens.

Valentine’s day is a day of romance, declarations of love and gift giving

Love…

love-1153972_1280 What is it really?

For many of us, love (romantic love, that is); the affection the care; the companionship, the respect; the support, the shared laughter and the faithfulness that we want in our love relationship seem rather elusive.

As you have come to learn, I am a bit of a ruminator. I think deeply about things and as this day of romance approached I got to thinking…

Thoughts on Love & Romance

Don’t get me wrong I’m a great romantic. I luuurve the idea of us loving one another and I love nothing more than the ‘frisson’ and thrill of meeting someone new and getting to know them. The hope and the expectation that maybe this time we have found someone a person we can hope share our life and experiences with, someone we can laugh with and cuddle up with and ‘be ourselves’ with.

But as I contemplated Valentine’s day and the nature of ‘love.’ I realised that in my life and experience I have learnt that the ‘Valentine’ and Romance movie version of love will remain an elusive and distant dream until we recognise what love and loving really means…

5 benefits of learning to love yourself

red-hearts-1182249_1280

No. 1

We cannot give what we don’t yet have ourselves…

Yet so many of us have so little love for who we are, but at the same time we are desperate to have another love us

To truly find love and a love that lives up to our idea of romantic love, we first need to know how to love ourselves…

  • Loving yourself heals every problem you have in life
  • Loving yourself makes you happy
  • Loving yourself improves your health and well-being
  • Loving yourself generates positive energy and that positive energy creates positive experiences.

No. 2

footsteps-390516_1280I have learnt that loving yourself is the pathway to your PEACE & your HAPPINESSWhen you love yourself you feel pretty good most of the time and feeling good all the time means you’re pretty happy.

Even when you have challenges, if you love yourself you respect and honour your strengths, you understand that you can overcome because you know how amazing you’ve been and the wonderful qualities you possessed that helped you deal with your previous challenges.

No. 3

You are enthralled

person-723561_1280As you voyage deeper into self-discovery. You gain a deep-seated appreciation for the YOU that you are. You accept the different parts that make you YOU; The foibles and idiosyncrasies, the embarrassments and peculiarities. You celebrate all parts of you and find yourself walking taller, feeling more peaceful and smiling without having a reason to…

No.4

You let go

Of the need to control or define others. Having a deeper love of yourself makes you to realise that your only purpose is to do just that and that your happiness is YOUR responsibility. You therefore begin to accept that you cannot ‘save’ or create happiness in others, that’s THEIR job. Once we ‘get’ this we begin to let go trying controlling circumstances or the emotions of others and more importantly we let go of…buddha-709861_1280

No. 5

You learn to stop blaming yourself.

Yeah OK, we all have our quirks and habits, our fears and ‘weirdnesses,’ but once you learn to truly love yourself and I mean develop that complete acceptance for who you are in your core; develop the ability to forgive yourself, talk softly and lovingly to yourself as if you would a young child, then you understand that those less than perfect actions you are simply opportunities for you to ‘choose’ again, a lesson in the school of life. You understand that you too are no better or worse than anyone else and that it’s OK to falter or make a mistake, you’re simply learning how to create the ‘you’ you choose to be.

You see once you understand how to LOVE YOU…

Then you are filled up with it.

Full to the brim with it…

Overflowing…

water-984476_1280It is then, when you know how to love you, when you are so full, that you have more than enough to share and still be full, it is then that you know how to replenish any that you do share and you make it your mission to always replenish your reserves first, that you will you truly understand love’s nature.

In this space you will be able to truly honour and respect and love cherish another enough to share the best of YOU

So from today…

Make it your mission to truly learn how to understand, honour, accept and deeply appreciate all of yourself; without condition.

Learn to do this and you’ll know instinctively how to do so with the one you choose to share your life with and between you you’ll create magic!

vintage-1171961_1280Happy Valentine’s Day!

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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Trust the Process – “Let it go…”

Happy Sunday All,

“Let it go…the cold never bothered me anyway!”

Is The Greatest Disney song ever!

It’s official.

winter-343565_1280Now usually I’m very sceptical of Disney and the thinly disguised misogyny and sexism that ooze like a caramel centre through many of their fairy-tale offerings; missives that entice & mesmerise children and adults alike.

And who can blame us?

They are pretty irresistible.

I haven’t been infected by “Frozenmania” yet. Perhaps because my children are now grown up, maybe I’ve just become more cynical in my middle years? However, as I caught the tail end of ‘Disney’s greatest songs ever’ It occurred to me that the film is a powerful metaphor.

A metaphor for finding our personal truth and accepting ourselves;

Exactly as we are

Fearlessly…

Unapologetically…

Authentically.

baby-71614_1280Into hiding…

After she accidentally hurts her sister, Elsa is made to believe (by fearful parents and advisors), that she should fear herself:

“Conceal it don’t feel it…don’t let it show.” Is what they say to her.

How many of us have been the recipients of such advice and all too often when we are very young. Told overtly and subtly that we are not OK. Often the very thing that is our essence and our passion is the one thing we are good-naturedly advised to contain or ‘not let show’

  • It could be we are kind-hearted – we’re told we’re too soft, the world is ‘just not like that!
  • It could be we are communicators – we are told to be quiet… we talk too much!
  • It could be that we’re great visionaries – we’re told to be sensible… how can YOU do that…people like us…

I think you get the picture.

The very qualities that make Elsa who she is and are actually her gifts, the authentic face that she should be unafraid to show to the world, the talents she should be able to nurture, express and to lovingly present proudly to the world, she is instead made to fear.

“Fear is your greatest enemy.”

self-doubt-424968_1280Never a truer word spoken, but all too often, just like poor Elsa it is the fear of others and their potential criticism that we fear. That very fear then causes insecurity and tension and in this state of tension that Elsa accidentally hurts the one person she loves most… her sister.

Her not knowing how to relax into herself and be confident hurts her too. As a result, she believes she has to give up the one person who loves & accepts her unconditionally.

She now thinks she is evil… thinks that what is natural to her is odious to everyone else and decides she has no choice but to hide away.

This fear has now become a belief.

But, it is her fear of herself that creates the problem for our princess. Her fear of ‘letting go,’ and allowing her nature to show itself that Disney shows us is the path to destruction.

The past is the past… Are you still hiding?

Are you one of the many who still hold vivid images or visions of what you are or want for your life yet are still too afraid of ‘opinion.’ Or too used to ‘hiding’ that you are in a constant state of unease…as if the life you’re in doesn’t QUITE fit…like a gift box that’s just a tad small, you know you squeezed yourself into one or two of the corners and there’s just a pinch

let-go-594531_1280In hiding however, Elsa is able to relax. She finds the space to accept herself; she finds the courage to step into her truth.…albeit a space that she believes she has to be alone in (see she is still fearful that she will not be accepted by others especially now she is OWNING her truth), but when she announces…

“I’m never going back, the past is in the past… Let it go, Let it go and I’ll rise like the break of dawn.” –

Boy does she rise…She is transformed.

She emerges beautiful…fully realised strutting her stuff in all her power and all in a cracking Crystal frock too!

Elsa-Frozen

This is perhaps the greatest lesson of all: the lesson that whatever happened, whomever we thought we were, whatever actions we took before this very moment live permanently in the past. There is no changing them, so accept them and learn for them so you make choices that are more fitting with the new YOU…

“Where your focus goes grows!”

Those who know me know I say this often. The point is if we are constantly focused on the past we stand still.

2014-08-24 08.43.36The past is retrospective, there is no forward motion when we look behind. You also tend to walk into lampposts if you’re looking behind yourself which leads cuts and bruises!

When we focus on the past we fail over and over again to let go of the very things we say we want to be rid of because guess what? We’re focusing on the very things we don’t want, the very things we should leave exactly where they live – in the past.

Instead of a forward motion our focus is on the things that went wrong, the things that we no longer have, so we are creating a perpetual state of things we don’t have, things we don’t want.

“Alone…where I can be who I am without hurting anybody.”umbrella-170962_150

So, she’s unapologetic…she’s found her voice and is strutting her stuff. Perhaps you too have found your voice and like Elsa you’ve got your Mojo working, but our princess still has a challenge.

It’s easy to think that once we have discovered who we are that this new you can only survive in a space ‘away’ form all that we knew, that we have to hide or run away to find acceptance of this ‘true self’ and to think that perhaps those who knew us as we were will be unable to accept the NEW us, and reject us.

Courage: Make no apologybear-656435_1280

My question is: Why should we care?

I mean seriously!

True courage is found the moment you stop apologising.

It’s only when Elsa Fully accepts herself and makes no apology whatsoever for who she is, to ANYONE, when she accepts and embraces her talents regardless of the opinions of others, allows her gifts and the beauty in them into the light and among others, including those who were a part of the world where she learnt to ‘not let it show,’ that she is at her most alluring, her most captivating, her most powerful and receives the most love.

And guess what? Don’t those gifts end up being a wonderful support to the community that she thought would reject her!

maple-leaf-638022_1280Take a leaf…

We would do well to enthusiastically rip a leaf form the book of Elsa and ‘Step up, Step out and Stand tall!’ put on your own Crystal frock and ‘Work it!’

You see when we learn to breathe and truly ‘settle’ into the truth of who are. When we find the courage to accept our path then we ARE transformed and we wonder why we restricted our thinking, our actions and shielded others from our talents in the first place.

When you find the courage to be you… regardless of family, friends, the ‘shoulds’ and the ‘ought tos’ and you allow yourself to be the YOU you came here to be that’s when the magic happens.

When you find yourself allowing it’s as if you’re on a conveyor and all the struggle and stress seems to dissipate as the people and opportunities you need seem to just show up!

Just like a Disney movie, your life too will seem as if it’s rolling itself out to the final thrill of YOUR OWN

Happy Ending!

 Blissings and Much Love

Insightful Angel 

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Letting Go

Happy Sunday All & Happy New Year!

Firstly, my hope is that the recent festivities/holiday season has left you feeling rested, renewed and relaxed. It’s a wonderful time, despite the commerciality, when (predominantly in the Western hemisphere) the world is made to look a little more magical and we are allowed once again to let the ‘child’ out to play.

Now that the festivities are over we invariably enter a time of reflection. We review the past year and consider our triumphs our challenges and hopefully learn some lessons from the last 365 days. Our thoughts turn to change, we make resolutions to do, be more/better.

I prefer to see it NOT as resolution making, but rather as ‘letting go.’

Divine Whispers

whisper-408482_1280The universe has been talking to me to me over the last few weeks. It started out as light murmur which became a whisper, which became a prod which then became a shout, A slap in the face, a hollering I could no longer ignore.

The messages came in the form of comments heard in passing whispered in fleeting segments of conversation. They came as extracts in books & phrases which leapt off web pages, all of which were in some form or other telling me I had unfinished business and there was still some ‘letting go’ I needed to do. I’m still going through this processing but thought it would be useful to share what insights I  have gained in so doing.

Letting go is so hard to do…let-go-594531_1280

The song by Neil Sedaka (really showing my age now), says breaking up is hard to do, but it occurred to me that it’s letting go’ that we find such a challenge.

We’ve all been hurt… Everyone of us has at some point had to deal with some emotional pain. But it’s the letting go of the hurt that’ will allow you to make space in your heart and your life for new joy and happiness. If your heart is stuffed full of past hurts and pain how can you open up to new experiences, new bliss-ings?

sylvester-586225_1280New Year’s Resolutions

They don’t work!

Well, they don’t do they?

I realise now that one of the main reasons why they don’t work is that they tend to involve ‘loss.’ We see ourselves as ‘losing.’ something or that the change is something we’re making more often than not because we’re complying to someone or something else’s ideal.

It’s something we feel we should do.

If, in our unconscious mind, we haven’t really signed on to what we feel we ‘should’ be doing, then there is a disconnect.  The ‘should’ implies a lack of emotional attachment to the decision and the action. We are operating from a place of pressure and being commanded. This lack of emotional attachment to the outcome means we are less likely to get the outcome we say we want.

We’ve all been hurt int he past. Many of us, as a result have developed compensatory behaviours to soothe ourselves and lessen the hurt we felt. But equally many of us are ‘holding on,’ nursing and feeding the hurt looking backwards and blaming the current habits that are our ‘resolutions’ on those past events.

The idea that we’re ‘losing’ something also brings up that old ‘bogieman’ FEAR.

We begin to fear that if we ‘lose’ our current emotional crutch, habit, obsession that we won’t have anything to replace it with. We may end up alone, or bored or more ‘stuff’ may come up to look at; all kinds of irrational ideas begin to plague our thoughts before we’ve even let go.

 Open your hand

I often use an analogy to explain to my friends & pupils about fear and holding on to the past:

If you had a hand full of gold coins of course you’d want to hold onto them.

You may decide you’ll spend sparingly, especially if you’ve never seen such riches before.

However one day, someone comes along and wants to give you a beautiful, precious gemstone (Diamond, Sapphire, Ruby) whatever you wish.

diamond-316610_1280

It’s worth more than all the coins you can fit into your hand altogether.

You’ve always wanted a gem like this.

It’s beauty you’ve admired for years and yearned for one just like it.

The wealth it could provide would enhance not just your life but the lives of others too.

but you’re afraid that if you open your hand you’ll lose the gold coins,

letting go holds fear.

letting go means taking a risk.

letting go means maybe ending up with nothing…

What if the coins fall and sink into the mud

lost forever?

coins-163517_1280

So you clasp your fingers even more tightly around the coins, desperate.

After all, you know their worth, the familiar feels of them in your palm and you’ve had them for a while

you know how much you’ve spent and how much is left and there are no surprises.

And so, you pass on opening your hand.

It’s simple…

But what if you unclasp those fingers, lay your palm flat?

What if you allow someone to give you an even more beautiful, even more precious gift?, Instead you hold on tightly, stick with what you know and miss the chance of receiving what you’ve always wanted, what will enrich your life, everything you’ve ever dreamed of having, doing and being…

Flip the script!

manuscript-203465_1280Instead of seeing change as a loss, see it as letting go of something that no longer serves who you choose to be or what you choose to have, do or want.

Change your thought around the issue and change your language. A ‘resolution’ just SOUNDS like hard work doesn’t it? Res-O-Lu-Tion! harsh and gutteral.

LETTING GO however, sounds soft and  easy and effortless,

Resolution has the emotional energy of the ‘must,’ the ‘should,’ whereas letting go is a ‘conscious’ and ‘positive’ decision You’ve made, you have the control and are more likely to follow through and get the results you say you want.

For example: If you’re wanting to lose a few Kilos, you could say to yourself

“I’m letting go of the need to feel comfort through foods that I know do not enhance my health and that hinder me acquiring a body I love, deserve and feel proud of” 

You have the control, you have the power

This sounds so much better than:

I’m so overweight/fat!  OR I must lose at least 14 kilos OR ‘Who’ll want me when I look like this OR I’ve got to get this weight off! 

As you can hear, the second options have so much more emotional charge to them and so we are less likely to let them go. The first statement comes from a place of empowerment and safety and of trusting that you deserve and can have what you want for yourself.

Exercise

Is there something you really want to shift or change in your life?

Over the next week take an issue that you know you want to change. It could be a ‘resolution.’ type issue or a more long-standing, deeper issue that you know you need to shake, but you’ve struggled with.

Perhaps you don’t stick up for or assert yourself, perhaps you tend to be a people pleaser and afraid to put your needs before others, perhaps you do need to lose a few pounds or exercise regularly.

  1. Think about the issue – what feelings, phrases and thoughts come up around this? Don’t edit or judge what comes up, just let it be what it is
  2. Take a sheet of paper and write down how it shows up, notice the words, the language you use around the issue, how these thoughts make you feel.
  3. Take those words & phrases, thoughts and ideas and ‘flip the scrip.’ Turn them into positive ones about letting go. Statements that are about YOU making choices that enhance you, that you deserve to experience, that you want to experience.
  4. Feel the positive feelings that arise when you read these newly formed and empowered thoughts back to yourself. (Bin the negative ones by the way!)
  5. Sit with your newfound statement(s) and say them to yourself every day…Breathe into and feel the positive feelings that come with them; allow them to intensify.

Next week I will give tips on ways of ‘letting go.’

For now I will say ‘adios.’

I would love to hear how the exercise worked for you. What changes do you feel and what actions do you take as a result?

Please feel free to comment and of course please subscribe if you haven’t already done so.

Share, Share, Share with your circles, especially someone who wants to make changes and may really benefit from reading this page today.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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