Tag Archives: learning

More YOU

Happy Sunday All,

Earlier in the week I began to consider what `I should write about today.’ I began to think that as this would be my first communication of 2016 that it should be some deeply profound statement about the human condition or some revelatory insight that immediately resonates with hundreds of thousands of others across the globe.

It then occurred to me that those thoughts were profoundly arrogant of me. I am by no means a Guru, nor would I want to be one. I share because I believe wholeheartedly that as we walk this Earth we are here to

LEARN & CONNECT

skydiving-658404_1280This life we are experiencing is our University.

What I know too is that I have learned some lessons in my brief time here. I know also that my experience (s) are not unique; that others are experiencing some of the life stages, events and challenges I have already passed through and so I share them (connect) in whatever way I can.

I share more ME, so you can find more YOU

– Thank goodness for the Internet eh?

  1. I share in the hope that the lessons I have learned will bring comfort or insight or awareness or whatever it takes for just ONE person to realise their infinite beauty and potential and power.
  1. I share in the hope that just ONE of you to come to the realisation that your very ‘being’ means that you are perfectly who you should be and that who you are right here now, is exactly who you are meant to be and where you are meant to be.
  1. I share in the hope that just ONE of you understand that if your reality FEELS uncomfortable, undesirable or challenging then you have the power and the will and the right to change it, if that is what you want, at any time.

In search of MY-self

encourage-866765_1280One of the most painful periods of my life was the period from about 33 years old to about 45 years. This was the period when I had no option but to become a seeker; a seeker of my truth, a seeker of the ‘real’ me; a seeker of whatever this life is meant to mean.

Life and the pursuit of all the ‘right’ things still hadn’t placed me in a space of contentment or peace and I knew I had to find anther way of living, of expressing. I had to find a way to be the ‘true’ me. I had to find the answer to life, love and everything and what that means for me.

I can’t say I have found IT yet – a definitive, one phrase or one word answer or a definitive ‘way’ of being to explain the meaning of everything, I’m not sure there is ONE, but:

  • I HAVE come to understand that it’s all OK and if it isn’t, I have the right to change it. I have found a ‘tru-er’ me who I feel is on the right path to finding the kind of life and peace that is right for me.

So this is what I’d like to ask you to focus on.

This is my message to you at the start of 2016

My wish is for you to find:

THE TRUE YOU

From about 5 or 6 years of age to about 33 years I was blissful unaware that I was in pain. During that time; the time when I became aware of me as a distinct and separate ‘self’ to the time when I knew this way of thinking wasn’t working for me and that there ‘had to be more to life than this!’ was a time of sleepwalking. I was doing what I ‘thought’ were the right things to do to be happy, to have approval, to gain recognition. None of them had worked.

hands-423794_1280

 

And so the inevitable happened and I had to ask ‘Is there more to life than this?’ For me at that time, at 33 years old, the answer was ‘YES.’ And so I began to take steps to find out what that ‘YES’ meant for me.

Getting closer?

Over a decade later I know that happiness, contentment and peace come from being more YOU; from finding out what is true for YOU and living it, being it, feeling it teaching it, expressing it

Stepping up to life can be fearful...What's next?
Stepping up to life can be fearful…What’s next?

How the hell does one know what IS true? You ask.

Well, as I said before, all I can do is share what I have learnt in my time in this University and what I have learnt about finding out what is right for YOU is simple and is two-fold.

  1. You have the knowledge and the insights already you just need to tune into them
  2. They are indicated by how you feel – NOT what you think.

Any experience, any meeting of minds, any work or creative endeavour, any place or thought, any idea or book or insight; anything you undertake that makes you feel joy, expansion, stillness, that makes you laugh or cry with happiness, that creates a deeper compassion and love for yourself and/or                                                                                  others, that simply makes you smile…

Is a something or someone who will lead you to becoming more YOU and so to your truth.

Finding YOUR truth is where your happiness, your contentment and your bliss lay.

So if I have anything to impart for 2016, it would be to resolve to become more YOU.

Follow your bliss

Follow and seek expansion and feel good feelings, follow light and heat and rain and snow, if they are what make you feel good. Follow laughter and creativity or physics or road sweeping. Follow reading or children or whatever induces feelings within you of being more settled in your own skin… More YOU.

In so doing you find your way and step into the ‘MORE THAN THIS.’ You’re reaching for.

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

Expectations

Happy Sunday All

I’ve noticed and I’m sure you have too, that one of our biggest sources of misery is from the relationships we have with others, especially our love/romantic relationships. There is nothing that we think provides us with such acutely negative feelings about our worth, as having a partner or Spouse leave us.

But, I have come to realise that loving someone is a gift. Each of our relationships is a lesson for us to learn from and pass through so we can evolve and transform. Each relationship is another opportunity for growth, if we choose to see it.

The misery comes not from the experience but from our ‘Expectations’ of it.

couple-309494_1280Person A

Person A has the belief that their self worth is tied to being loved by another. Their expectations are that love means the other person is constantly by your side, gives you their undivided attention and consistently offers displays of affection both in private and public. 

Person B

Person B’s expectations and beliefs are that love means giving others the space to be themselves, that love and affection are offered gifts and aren’t a demand or an obligation. The expectations they have of their partner are that they have freedom of choice, so every day that they wake up and their partner has chosen to be with them tells them they are loved.

Now the universe is made of opposites, Ying & Yang, masculine & Feminine and so…

Opposites attract.

So person A & B meet. The pull of person B’s strength and independence attracts A’s desire for care and protection. Person A’s emotional freedom and affection are a breath of fresh air and makes person B feel cherished, something they haven’t felt before. They are attracted to one another and begin a relationship.

Person A’s displays of affection allow Person B become a little more affectionate and Person B’s respect and support is warm and unusually freeing for Person A.

As time rolls by

Green-MileAfter a while however, Person B finds A’s demands for affection suffocating and confusing as they begin to get upset (feeling rejected) when Person B leaves them to pursue other interests or isn’t constantly demonstrating their affection.

To Person B, their constant demands for physical displays and emotional reassurance, implies a dependency that they associate with childishness and insecurity. They are uncomfortable with being constantly on emotional alert to A’s shifts in mood or upset when they do not feel too satisfied.

Surely they appreciate that they give them space to pursue their own interests and freedom to be themselves because of the immense love and respect then have for them? They have no idea that Person A sees the lack of attention as being abandoned and the result is they feel rejected.

Eventually…

Because of Person A’s belief that Love is demonstrated consistently person B’s displays are never enough for them. They feel constantly rejected. This becomes too much for them and they leave Person A to find someone who can give them the affection they crave.

Person B is left reeling; they were completely unaware that Person A was so disappointed. They have no real idea as to why. They then begin to assume that there must be something wrong with them, not with As expectations why person A left. They spiral into hurt and despair and berate themselves for their failings.

2014-07-19 15.00.45Self-Worth

Let’s look at it another way:

Both person A and Person B were operating from a set of beliefs. The truth is, if they had complete love for themselves they would understand that THEY are all they need, that approval from another is a bonus, but not necessary.

 

As the singer songwriter India Irie said:

‘Your self worth is YOUR job. It’s your sacred space to cultivate’

How another person expresses their love is not a reflection on your worth, but more an expression of what they have known and learnt about love and their relationship to it up to this point.

Now we all have a right to express our needs and how we would prefer to see them expressed, but how many of us actually sit with our significant other and have this conversation?

For A & B their relationship was a unique opportunity for person A and person B to learn about the nature of love and it’s many expressions. It was an opportunity for them to decide what love is, what its expression means to them and how and when they choose to express it.

Choices, decisions and changes

thinking-236770_150Our relationships are always opportunities to make and refine our choices, decide which of our expectations no longer serve us and so we choose to discard them and which expectations/beliefs we now know because of new information and learning we will decide to keep.

We would suffer less in our love relationships if we used them as a source of learning.

When we have a strong emotional reaction, consider if you’re seeing the actions of the other person through the distorted lens of your preconceived expectations or is what their communicating justified and so they DO need to consider making changes?

Once we are aware of this we realise that we can change our thoughts and therefore our beliefs and as a result our experiences.

  • What can you learn about yourself – what do you think and how do you feel and Why?
  • What are your expectations of love & Romance? – are they reasonable/achievable?
  • What do you assume Love should feel/Look like?
  • What are your expectations of yourself in love – How do you think you should feel?
  • What habits/beliefs still serve you and you choose to keep and which ones should you now let go? And why?

Take the time to honestly contemplate the questions and truthfully answer them.

2014-09-08 11.48.35And so to you

If you’re in a relationship, you’ve recently had had a break-up or you’re looking for a new relationship, it’s worthwhile really examining these questions for yourself before you enter into a new phase.

You will find as you uncover who you and what you need you begin to change your thoughts and alter your expectations. These new expectations mean you are more likely to attract a relationship which serves you more completely, one which and will ultimately runs, rather than one which leaves you feeling unfulfilled or dissatisfied.

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

The Family – University of Life

Happy Sunday All

This week I have been loving my connection with family. Now when I say family we have two. We have those we were born into and the family that we choose as we go through life. This week the clear message has been that our families are ‘Our University of Life.’

Jilly Cooper - Love your familyNow this post will be quickie as I have a family christening to attend later this morning. Another lovely opportunity to learn and I’m buzzed. Family is important to me, but the family connection and dynamic I’ve envisaged most of my life hasn’t always been present. This is perhaps true for many of you?

I’m sure we all have an ideal (sometimes one often given to us by the media and books) and idealised view of how we’d like our mother, father or siblings to be and behave, how we’d like to feel within the bosom of the family when we come together, but for some we spend our time nonplussed: ‘why this?’ and ‘why that?’

As you may have noticed, I am a reflector. An observer. I have always asked why this and why that both of myself and others and what I’ve come to realise about family is that it truly is the best learning environment for those of us who are seekers & questioner.

Reflections & Mirrors

flower-658687_1280 We all (well many of us do) have that one brother, sister, cousin, aunt or uncle; maybe it’s your mother or father, but there is often one person in you immediate or extended family that gives you that ‘NYJA’ feeling. Who twist up your insides and make you cross or annoyed, piqued or frustrated, yet when it happens you decide every time it’s not worth it and instead of asserting yourself you stay cross and smother the feeling.

In this circumstance you need to consider if it actually is THEY that are the issue or is it YOU?

You see, it’s not the other person and their actions where the learning comes from, but our reaction to it!

On consideration…

When those resentful feelings occur or those critical thoughts they mean one of two things

  1. This person is reflecting a trait within you that you are not dealing with
  2. Or they are reflecting a quality or trait that you can think about and choose not clear or reject?

I would suggest that if you have the ‘njya’ feeling when you meet or spend time in the company of the other person and you’re feeling negative in some way about them and or their behaviour/attitude then it’s more likely that the family university is showing you a quality within you need to deal with. “But I’m not like that!” I hear you scream,

…but perhaps it’s not in the way you think

Example: Anger

enraged-804311_1280You have one person who is rather quick to take offence and react or overreact to family situations. They maybe sulk and snap at everyone blaming and complaining or maybe they explode and terrify the gathering through intimidation. You find this really annoying and it ‘gets under your skin’ every time.

This does not mean you are like them, however, such a powerful reaction in you indicates that perhaps there is some unresolved anger within YOU that you need to deal with?

They are mirroring this back to you.

swan-293157_1280In the same situation your sister or brother or cousin or whoever has a very different reaction as you complain to them (stating how shocking so and so is being and how can they do this and etc., etc). They are much calmer than you more philosophical in their response than you are, saying ‘Or poor so and so, it’s so hard for them,’ or something similar. You find this even more irritating because you wanted them to support and agree with you and our feelings about the other person. How can they condone this when Mr/Ms Angry is terrorising the family?

Ying & Yang

The two reactions to the same situation illustrate the point I’m making.

yin-and-yang-145874_150Their reaction is calm and reflective. They see the angry family member as having qualities they have rejected, never had and continue to reject or have dealt with in a healthy way. They decided some time ago, somewhere in their subconscious that a violent or aggressive expression of anger is not something that they have within them or choose to have, so it’s simply something they can see and let go; they can objectively see it and sympathise with the pain that is nearly always the root of anger and angry outbursts.

Your reaction, because it creates a physical response within you is reflecting that you either haven’t dealt with your own anger or that you’re ignoring it, pretending you’re ‘not an angry person.’ and denying yourself a healthy expression of the anger we all must experience at some point.

Two interpretations:

  1. A conscious acknowledgment or a rejection.
  2. An acceptance or blind spot

Children

Three blessings!In the family university of life our children are often our biggest, most painful or most joyous lessons. Many texts I have read, say the energy and personalities of our children often show the energy and nature of the relationship between the parents at the time of their conception.

Similarly, as they grow, they reflect and mirror characteristics and qualities within yourself to look at and resolve.

When you observe your children what do their character and behaviours say about your relationship with your spouse or if you’re a single parent about your relationship with yourself? Your reaction to them will tell you.

  • Do you Love their characteristics and support them – are they mirroring the ‘good’ in you?
  • Do you resent some particular trait and as such are they mirroring something you need to deal with within yourself?
  • Or are they illustrating something you are ‘blind’ to and failing to acknowledge exists within you? If you realise you have this ‘flaw’ or characteristic, how will you then choose to ‘be’ in regard to it? Resentful meaning it’s not resolved or Accepting and loving yourself regardless but aware of it and working with and through it?

In Closing

buddha-708490_1280Well, it’s time for me to say ‘adieu’ and hope that today’s message has given you food for thought, but more importantly, shed light on why we react the way that we do.

When we observe our reaction(s) to the behaviours of our family, children and  friends, when we sit up straight and pay attention in lectures provided by The Family University of life we are given opportunities, another day and another chance to ‘Choose who we want to be!’

 

Blissings & much love

Insightful Angel

Be nice...Sharing is caring!