Tag Archives: intuition

Playing Small

Happy Sunday All,

7th February 1965. It was a Sunday.

bird-287109_1280I like to think that there were bluebirds singing and the sun was shining, you know à la Snow White, but I doubt that was the case.

In fact the historical forecast says it was: “Dull, rather cold and very dry” So, not the Fairytale entrance I would have hoped for, however I was bright, inquisitive and curious and importantly I was and have always been very interested in people.

You know you have those moments when you re-assess your life, well, recently in that moment I realised I had spent a significant part of my life ‘playing small.’ It didn’t feel good and I know that now the time is right for me to JUST STOP IT!

Criticism: The Spirit killer

aggression-657087_1280I have always been full of curiosity and expectation; hungry for information and I tend to see life through hopeful and excited eyes, yet more often than not this was seen as a problem and I received much criticism for my exuberance and wish for knowledge.

Instead of being of being congratulated for being curious and thirsty to know more I got instead:

“yuh too farce!”

“yuh know too much”

“yuh always have and ansa fi evryting”

Criticism which made me second guess my own decisions and be unsure about what I should do and which decisions I should make that were in MY best interests.

The second thing that I think contributed to me subconsciously playing small was developing a fear of upsetting others. When we are made to believe that our successes are at the expense of others and that in doing so others may suffer, then we unconsciously pull in and stop ourselves from expanding too greatly or from shining too brightly.

Comparisons

leaves-79990_1280When I was young my sisters and I were obliged to spend a lot of time at my aunt’s house. We were practically brought up with our cousins but it meant constant comparisons and our achievements being pitted against each other…

As a very academic youngster and a naturally curious person I was more often than not out front in that particular race and so when my cousins were chastised for not being able to keep up, I realise now that on a subconscious level I dimmed my light because shining too brightly meant others would suffer.

PLAYING SMALL.’

This has been a recurring theme in my life and no doubt for some of you too. The thing with playing small is that it’s quite an insidious and subconscious little saboteur. It’s also a bit of a chameleon and shape shifts, like a ninja when you least expect it to.

What do I mean by that?

What I mean is that we play small for a number of reasons, but how you play small can show up as something else entirely.

In what ways could you be playing small?

Playing small for me manifest as people pleasing. I learnt quickly as a child that I would receive positive affirmation and attention if I did as I was told, if I did the things my primary carers expected of me.

hand-683909_1280 (1)In addition to this I am an eldest child and so we  are, more often than not trained to be responsible not just for ourselves, but the behaviours and emotions of those siblings that come after us. Now this is great up to a point, but it didn’t exactly endear me to my siblings nor some of my peers when you’re behaving like yet another ADULT in their lives.

It’s a heavy burden and a responsibility which leaves you feeling you’re stuck between the ‘rock’ of adult and carer expectations of your behaviour and the ‘hard place’ of just being a child, relating to your siblings and peers and doing what other children do because when you do allow yourself to be a child, you are chastised.

“You’re the sensible one!”

“I didn’t expect this from YOU!”

“I trusted you to…”

“You should know better…”

and so on…

Who am I really?

Stepping up to life can be fearful...What's next?
Stepping up to life can be fearful…What’s next?

In order to avoid the guilt and disappointment we can often feel we are creating, the result of the expressed disappointment, we can spend a life-time giving out and being what everyone else needs us to be, when they needed us to be it and forget – no, never really knew that we are the first person we should give to.

It is only when I give to myself, that I am filled up enough to overflow and spill out with the energy abundance, love, affection, advice, support, confidence or whatever it is that others want and I choose to give out.

The other way that I ‘played small’ and I know there are others of you, who do this too, is that I constantly looked to others, seeking their advice and approval before making decisions for my own life and myself.

I failed to trust my own intuition and my own guidance.

Whether you look to the advice of someone you respect, the advice of friends, teachers or Gurus OR whether you look to horoscopes, Runes and Tarot, what you’re doing is relinquishing your power to another and playing small.

Now don’t get me wrong, the advice of others can be invaluable…

person-110305_150However, it’s when you allow that advice or opinion to usurp a burning desire within you, when you allow that advice to quench the fire of feeling uplifted and expanded, when you overthrow opportunities that makes you feel excited & joyous because someone cautioned you against it, that’s when you know you’re playing small.

Their advice becomes the excuse you use to justify not stepping up to the expanded and amazing self you know you could be.

How do you know it?

Because you felt excited by the opportunity.

Remember most people, even with the best of intentions, operate from within their own experience, thoughts and feelings. So, even if their advice comes with love and they have the best intentions for you, they can only advise you from within the confines and limits of their own life’s lessons.

THESE ARE NOT YOUR LESSONS!

So, the next time you’re faced with  a decision or opportunity, check in with yourself consider if the choice you’re about to make makes you feel expanded or constricted, reactive and motivated by fear or expanded and joyous.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Pissouri Pilgrimage 2 – Connections

Happy Sunday all,

If you’re reading this on Sunday then my scheduling has worked and though I’m in the Cumbrian Lakes I can still communicate with you. If not, then you’re reading it Tuesday when I return (hopefully).

This is day two of my Pissouri Pilgrimage as the day turned out it was all about connections.

Morning & Angels

miami-967985_1920The day started with lots of texts and messages from friends and family, which felt pretty great and reminded me that though I am here alone I am not HERE alone.

I re-assured those I love that I was safe and fine and basked in the lovely and genuine desire they had for me to relax and have a good time. It felt as though they, in some unspoken way felt I needed and deserved this time, even though I was fearful.

One very surprising and delightful thing happened this morning.

I’ve brought my Doreen Virtue Angel cards with me. They’ve become quite important to me recently, but I usually leave them at home after I’ve asked my question for the day, hoping to keep them as pristine as possible, so it’s unlike me to bring them out, let alone travel with them.

Well, I left them on the table on the terrace and went for a shower. There was a lilting soft breeze blowing as the sun began blinking itself awake. On my return from my shower one card had been flipped over…just one.

‘GUARDIAN ANGEL.’

You can imagine how emotional I became.

It took it as a reminder… a message to me and to all of us, that we are all connected. It doesn’t matter if you believe me. The connection we have to all things we can and can’t see just is.

If we open to the energies around us we are never truly alone and this is what we need to understand.

I closed my eyes and cried a little and said an almighty

‘Thank-You.’

The other cards I drew (they leapt out all five together and landed on the terrace) from the deck that morning were:cupid-846939_1920

  • Archangel Michael – to lessen my fear and protect me;
  • Support – to let me know that my guides were with me and to communicate with them about all and everything.
  • Music – to remind me to sing and that my singing is a source of beauty and comfort not just to me but to others.
  • Celebration – Telling me that by being grateful I have planted seeds that are coming to fruition. It was a gentle reminder that we are league of gardeners planting seeds along with our guides and the compost that feeds the dreams and wishes we plant is gratitude.
  • Freedom – Ooh this one is powerful, but one I often find a challenge to accept. This card served as a reminder to me and to all of us, that we always have the freedom to CHOOSE.

The present

fitness-332278_150This very moment, the one we are experiencing now, is the result of choices that we made in our thinking and our actions in the minutes, hours, days and weeks beforehand. This card will not let me or any of us escape from the responsibility that is ours when it comes to our circumstances. It reminds us too, that we have the FREEDOM to change our thoughts and our actions and produce another, a preferable outcome to the one we are currently experiencing if we are unhappy with it.

One thing we who live in the Northern hemisphere don’t do often enough is connect ourselves to the world. This it transpired would be the theme of my Monday.

‘Connection…’

Today my intuition (I resist using ‘voice,’ for fear that you’ll call me mad!) told me to take my angel cards with me to the beach?

Huh?!

Remember my glee at having found a vegan, raw food eatery? Well today was the day to check it out…

I was not disappointed

2013-07-23 20.15.30I met Mark and Karine, who started to place three seasons ago. They’re Belgian and couldn’t find what they wanted to eat, so as they liked Pissouri so much they, on a decisive whim decided to set up shop selling smoothies and vegan raw desserts…’Smoothies & Sweets.’

Another gentleman was propping up their bar eating a fruit sundae, who told me he’d lived here for 10 years now after coming over on a contract to do some technical work on one of the English bases and never returned. Clearly he loves it.

A green smoothie purchased for my breakfast & I walk to the beach; potato & beetroot crisps to nibble for later on; three connections made…

What had I been afraid of? Archangel Michael was doing his thing and giving me the courage to ask questions and make connections.

Beach time

Mid morning/early afternoon and I managed to get to the beach.

beach-388520_1280It’s a pebble beach with soft sand at the water’s edge. The first thing I just had to do was walk barefoot for some time on both pebbles and sand and feel the earth beneath me.

As I stood with my chin raised, my face towards the sun and my feet with my chunky toes digging into the hot sand, I felt so…just so…me and happy to be me…

Xanios, (I think he’s the island’s lothario – The ‘Costas’ to Pauline Collins’ ‘Shirley’) of course spotted me and bounced over for a quick chat. I was polite, but wanted to walk along the shore and really absorb the salty, tart smell of the sea and seaweed and the feel my cells plump themselves up and come alive, you know in that way that a sea breeze has of making you feel full from the inside out.

Several hours on one of Xanios’s loungers later (of course), several hours of people watching, of stillness and peace and a shade and a half darker and it was time to trek home…

Xanios very kindly let me off the €4 fee for the lounger and umbrella, for which I was of course very grateful. He insisted, “As it was my first time.” Bless him. Angels at work again methinks!

More connections:

Paul who made a point of telling me he does nothing and spends his time living off his millions (well, bully for you) but I actually didn’t ask and it would have been nice to know YOU and not the fact that you’re ‘minted’ before we’ve even said ‘hello’, but there you go!

we-566327_1280The little terrier, who’s name I can’t remember as they kept telling me his name was Paul and I got very confused and the young woman who works with Xanios on the beach & has a wicked sense of humour seemed to me to be joshing Paul, though he seemed oblivious to it.

On the way home I stopped for raw Apricot Cake.

What a delectable, mouth-watering, party-in-my-mouth that was!

Karine and I chatted, a connection getting deeper as we realised we had many lifestyle traits in common.

Angels 2

She openly revealed some concerns she was having in her life and I knew intuitively this was the moment to use my cards. I asked her to shuffle them, she didn’t think me weird or ‘off my rocker’ and she did as I asked.

angel-153935_150She at first drew two cards, yet my intuition said she needed three. I asked her if two felt the right number and she said “no, I think I need another one.”

Three cards drawn, three messages communicated, when I asked if they resonated or made sense, she said they did completely and that she understood the messages. She was so happy, she held both my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes and was rather tearful as she said ‘THANK YOU.’

Though I had been nervous about wandering into the day alone, I learnt that I am never really alone. I am as connected as I choose to be. I can accept or reject others attempts to connect with me; let my fear stop me from connecting with others, or I can reach out and simply say ‘hello,’ that choice is always mine to make.

Resistance

Do you resist opportunities for connection?

IMG_0330The next time fear arises, remember Archangel Michael… ask him to lesson your fear and ‘go for it.’ You never know just where that connection may lead and if it leads no-where maybe it’s just meant to be a pleasant reminder in that moment that we’re ok.

My day came to a close a couple of hours after the sun had set and the burnt orange orb had descended sleepily behind the chalky Pissouri hills.

8.38pm: early by most standards (and by mine) yet I was sleepy and sun-drunk…

Smiling I drifted to sleep wondering what tomorrow’s theme might be.

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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