Tag Archives: Friend

Self-love

Happy Sunday all,

I don’t know about you, but being able to really feel in love with who I am, to truly cultivate self-love has at times been one of my biggest challenges in life.

2014-07-19 15.00.45From our conversations about ourselves and our actions towards ourselves and others, and when I stop and listen to the language we use about ourselves and others its obvious too that many, many of us find that to love ourselves, to honour the unique gifts we have, to be able to look into the mirror and say out loud, yes, out loud, ‘I love you,’ the most challenging action to do.

As we navigate our way through our experience of life we sometimes and in some cases, often ignore the lessons we receive that are tapping us on the shoulder and reminding us that we are responsible for caring for ourselves first, before all else and that what we just did/said/thought was not an act of self-love.

‘to thine own self be true.’

In order to have successful relationships with others we need to first of all have a successful relationship with ourselves. To really know and understand who you are and what matters to you. However this process takes time. We uncover the pieces of the puzzle one by one and together they then form the complete puzzle and the picture starts to make sense.

Who am I?2014-07-17 18.10.17

Seemingly, this is a simple question, but it is one of the hardest to answer. The answer needs to be one which is true for who you are right here and now. Keep quizzing yourself with this question, take a week, take two. It’s not something you will answer overnight, but if you’re determined to improve your perception of yourself and really step into the space of self-love you need to be honest.

What are the positive wonderful qualities you bring to the world and to your relationships? make a list of at least ten but ideally twenty plus. You’d be surprised how many of my students are unable to create a list of even ten qualities they really like about themselves when I ask them to do this.

You cannot begin to imagine how deeply saddened I am every time I do this. But I do it because it plants a seed and creates a realisation within them… that ‘self-love’ is the path to learning how to love others.

How can I expect to find and accept the love of another if even I can’t allow myself the space within to love ME? 

I have always held an intuitive belief. It’s one which my life experience has since taught me is true for all of us and that is that we all crave connection and ‘to be loved completely for who we are.’ That process starts with ourselves, so we need to look to at the qualities we feel we’d like to improve. However this list is restricted to two or three (for now). You see you need to be in a space where you can accept and love ALL OF YOU not just the bits you think others find pleasing or acceptable?

Can you look at those parts of you that are a ‘work in progress’ and love them too?

But, don’t be too hard on yourself, remember these qualities are often the ones that make us relatable and remind ourselves and others that we are human, we are mortal, we are fallible and that we are on a journey in the same way that they are. Most people find perfectionism really hard to connect with or relate to!

Recipe for Self-Love – (Five steps to steps to acceptance).

  1. flower-22656_150Be humble – Learn that you are not the ‘world’s expert on everything.’ Being humble not only makes it easier for others to relate to you, but you may actually learn something from listening. Setting yourself up as the ‘all-knowing’ oracle sets up a fear of failure and worry that you are responsible for everyone else’s woes. We are on our own path, but sharing the journey nevertheless. Being a ‘know-it-all.’ will not only make you tired, but distances you from relating to others ideas and points of view. Being humble shows you acknowledge that others’ stories, their journey, lessons  and experience are of value and in so doing you acknowledge and respect the importance of your own.
  2. blue-lotus-215460_150 Be honest – Being honest tells the world and yourself you are reliable. Your word is your bond. Being honest isn’t about denigrating or pulling down another in a brutal fashion. It’s about speaking and relating in an open but empathetic way, in a way that shows you are respecting the needs and intelligence of others. Honesty is an everyday practise its ordinary. It’s the act of not taking pens from the work stationery store cupboard ‘because they have loads of them and won’t miss one,’ It’s leaving the right change, it’s knowing even if others are not acting in integrity you are. This allows you to feel good inside and therefore makes it easier to find your way to self-love.margarite-74886_640
  3. Change the record  – Quieten the negative voice in your head by noticing when you tell yourself the self depreciating ‘stuff’ that keeps you locked in a prison of self-doubt. Let me ask you this, if a dear friend came to see you and asked you what you thought of them, what language would you use. Would you say ‘You’re too fat!’ ‘You talk too much!’ ‘You’re stupid?’ So why do you say it to yourself, Should you not be your own ‘best friend?’ notice what you say to yourself, catch yourself and then change the language into language you might use if you were talking to that friend. ‘I’m too fat –   ‘If you create a regular routine and do some light exercise, I’m sure I’ll see improvements in my fitness level.’ OR ‘I’m so stupid – If I re-read my notes then I’m more likely to understand the information presented.’
  4. heart-63974_150Treat yourself – How do you expect to graciously accept the compliments and gifts of your friends and loved ones if you don’t allow you to give to you? Allow yourself to enjoy life. Give yourself permission to simply experience joy and pleasure. Life isn’t about misery and suffering. We are here for a brief moment in time, so make the most of it. Treat yourself to that bubble bath, that concert or a day off on the sofa reading all day and no housework. Go out and let your hair down, eat the food you really like and make it a regular occurrence. How you treat yourself is how you will feel about yourself and ultimately how you allow others to treat you.beach-51956_150
  5. Give yourself a break! – Use the times when you were less than your best self as learning opportunities… Lessons. Experiences that you use to refine your choices and be the better person you are striving to be. There’s no use chastising yourself and making yourself feel worse. If you ‘drop the ball,’ occasionally. Decide if there’s a way to make amends, do so and then try to ‘do’ and ‘be’ better the next time.

Remember those that know better DO better!

Anais Nin once said:  “life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. That is a kind of death.”

Allow yourself to change and grow accept that you will change.

We are here on a journey and so loving yourself is a continuous process not an end point or destination.

Bliss-ings and much love,

Insightful Angel

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Friends & Friendship – a Special Love

friendship-63743_150Happy Sunday all

Acquiring friends and developing lasting friendships are perhaps two of the most emotionally satisfying things we create in our lives. As we journey through life, learning and developing, it’s our friends that are the marrow in our bones, feeding us, supporting us, keeping us strong so we become all that we could ever imagine.

Our friends:arm-wrestling-176645_150

  • See the vision for who we could be before we are able to recognise it in ourselves.
  • Drop everything to be by our side at the slightest hint of upset or trouble.
  • Love us through the hard times
  • Are loyal to us
  • Are not afraid to tell us we’re wrong
  • Believe in us
  • Make us laugh
  • Know when to leave us alone
  • Respect us
  • Always want the best for us
  • Celebrate our successes
  • Trust us
  • Our friends Love us

For exactly who we are…

Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…

Yet, I’m sure many of you reading this now, have a friend or two maybe, that you’ve let disappear from your lives. I’m sure most of us have at least one friend that we wish we’d kept in touch with? Perhaps your excuse was the distance, or they’ve changed or we no longer have the same things in common.

What ever the excuse, that’s just what it is; an excuse!

The regret, that comes in at number four (on our list of five) when we find ourselves at the point of leaving this earthly plane is:

  • “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends…”

FriendsMy mother always said: “you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.”

Meaning, that your friends are the family YOU create.

They display the behaviours, talents and attitudes you would prefer to see in your life and in the world.

Unfortunately, that’s not always the case with family.

Are we not here to self-create?

Are we not here to live lives that are an ‘authentic’ expressions of who we ‘choose’ to be?

So, if a family member is making choices and creating a life imbued with attitudes and behaviours that we refute, are we not entitled to keep them at arm’s length, as we would anyone else whose values we do not share?

However I digress. Back to friendship.

love-115878_150Love yourself first

When it comes to friendships, I can say wholeheartedly, I have learnt that they will never be satisfying unless you are friends with YOURSELF first. I’ll give you an example:

Let’s say you’ve something you want to bring into your life. Your friend has been supportive in your attempts to achieve/acquire this quality or gift, they believe in you and think you deserve the best that life has to offer and they tell you this often. Yet somehow you are not able to attain what it is you’re striving for.

Is the inability to feel deserving the issue?

Are you being as good a friend to yourself as your friend is to you and you are to them?

In order to accept the beauty inherent in our friendships, we need to be able to accept the beauty within ourselves. See yourself through your friends eyes.

Those that know me know one of my mottos is:

‘Like attracts like…’

So try to ignore the doubting voice within, the negative tape on a loop that endlessly plays through your list of ‘could be betters.’

Accept that the wonderful qualities you see in your friends are a mirror of the qualities, and the beauty, captured within the soul in YOU.

a-flower-for-you-173549_150Be willing to receive

Practise being a good friend, by being a friend to yourself first.

Be willing to give to yourself.

Be willing to receive.

If you cannot display the qualities of friendship that you appreciate in others in your own reflections of yourself then, regardless of how many friends you have, life will feel lonely and you will always find a reason to justify the non-appearance of whatever it is you’re looking for in life.

girls-344334_150Be the friend you want to see

Being a friend means you swear an oath. An oath to be someone your friend can trust. It means keeping your word and being there when you say you will. The best way to have and keep good friends is to be one.

Keep your promises.

We all know that there are times when things show up, when you have to change a plan, but you need to be dependable. No-one likes a flake! If ‘ducking out’ and ‘letting down’ become regular habits, your friend is unable to depend on you. You are a ‘fair weather friend.’ there when times are good, but noticeably absent when they need you most. Being this way means you are eroding their trust and eventually they’ll stop believing what you say.

pinky-swear-329329_150Be honest

Being honest about how you feel opens up direct lines of communication with your friends and will make them more likely to open up to you. If your friend has upset you in some way, don’t feel too shy to open up to your friend about it.

Being honest is not about being brutal and so blunt that you hurt them. If you think your friend has a problem for example, perhaps drink or any other problem which has the potential to destroy their lives, then you owe it to your friend to start a conversation about it.

But if you think your friend looks kind of weird in her new dress, assess the situation, you know your friend and in this instance you may want to keep your mouth shut. Especially if s/he feels they look amazing.

Why not leave them with that feeling and not shoot them down dampening their spirit?

Be Real 

Connect with the people you value on a deep level if you want to have long-term friendships that you can sustain through life’s ups and downs. Invest in people you can be yourself around. If the way you behave is insincere, your friendships won’t last.

Be Loyalkid-165253_150

If your friend tells you something in confidence, keep it and don’t talk about it with anyone else, just as you’d expect your friend to do for you. Never say anything about your friend that you would not be prepared to say to them face-to-face and be ready to defend them if other friends or people you barely know, gossip about them.

  • Part of being loyal is understanding how important a long-lasting and stable friendship is. Don’t throw all that away just to spend all your time hanging out with your new boyfriend or girlfriend or a cool new person you just met.

Be Selfless

IMG_0098Being selfless is an important part of being a good friend. Though you can’t be selfless all the time accommodating your friend’s wishes when you can, will strengthen you relationship. Reciprocate his or her acts of kindness with caring deeds of your own.

  • Do a favour for your friend just out of the goodness of your heart, not because you want something in return.

I’m sure you’re getting the picture. There are many more things I could say about friendships and how to foster secure heartfelt ones as well as how to maintain them. However, this post would become impossibly long if I continued.

heart-63974_150That rare gift

Suffice to say, that our friendships are our lifeblood, so it’s no surprise that the loss of our friends, especially when we know we could have done more to stay in touch, features high as one of our biggest regrets when we depart.

“Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it.”

Anaïs Nin

So, let’s heed the wise words of Anaïs.

Let your friends know how much they mean to you.

Be the best friend you can be 

Stay in touch.

No regrets!

Blessings & Much love

Insightful Angel 

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