This week I came across a blog post from a young 24-year-old.
Called ‘My last tie.’
They were trying to make the last moments of their life matter, so they posted some advice for the rest of us. Much of what he said resonated quite powerfully as much of ‘My last tie,’ were thoughts and musings I have tried to express here when I share the learning I have acquired on my journey.
However, they can never be stated too often.
So for today, I am going to reference the powerful words of the author of ‘My last tie’ and add my own insights:
“Don’t waste your time on work that you don’t enjoy.”
Why do we do it to ourselves? If we are to succeed in life at whatever it is we DO, surely there is a need for us to love whatever it is we are doing? When we do things out of obligation or duty we cannot possible DO our best nor be our best selves. We owe it to ourselves to be ‘in love’ with what we do, for when we do what we love we are passionate and dedicated. When someone has passion for what they do, the dedication to see it through no matter what and the focus to not be distracted by the naysayers and detractors, success naturally follows.
“It’s stupid to be afraid of others’ opinions.”
When we pay attention to the opinions of others we lose ourselves.You see… the one thing I know, is that we cannot control others and that everyone has opinions. It stands to reason then that if you allow yourself to be caught in the trap of listening to and paying attention to others’ opinions of you, you will very quickly become bent out of shape. Eventually you will have with no real idea who YOU truly are, as you veer this way to that opinion and then that way because of someone else’s.
The only way to stay centred and sure is to follow the unmistakable beat and calling of your own intuition regarding what is right for you. Yes… you risk seeming ‘odd’ to everyone else, so what if it’s not ‘conventional,’ (who want’s to be that anyway?) In time, you will feel the joy of walking to your own beat and singing to the rhythm that’s within your own soul.
Soon, you’ll be so in love with your own life you won’t even hear the voices of the detractors and who knows… Maybe in doing so, you may well become someone else’s HERO/INE?
“Take control of your life Take full responsibility for the things that happen to you.”
The life you’re living today, in this very moment, is as a result of the decisions you made and actions you took in the past. OWN IT!
You cannot move securely and positively into the future of a life you want if you’re making excuses and blaming others for where you find yourself today. Of course the decisions others make, you can only react to, but there again, your reaction, physical or emotional, is your CHOICE to make.
You see when you take responsibility for where you are and accept ‘YOU‘ got yourself here, you are fully empowered because along with that thought, comes the realisation that you can simply ‘choose’ and ‘act’ differently to produce a different outcome in the future.
So choose today…Choose now… Take action…
Create a different outcome!
Move your body
A lazy body leads to a lazy mind. Your body is the container for your wonderful essence. It stands to reason, that if you put food into a stale container, then no matter how fresh it was before, the food will go off. You cannot hope to put positivity in, if what you’re putting it into is already caked with negativity. Find an activity, no matter how unusual that makes you feel expanded and joyous and get up and GO!
Most of all, don’t procrastinate!
Let your life be shaped by decisions you made, not by the ones you didn’t. – Speaks for itself!
Life is NOW, not when everything is perfect, there is no such thing as the perfect time and if there was how would YOU know when in waiting for things to be ‘perfect,’ as you see them, you’re passing up on doors that have opened for you because you didn’t like the colour they were painted.
“Appreciate the people around you your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love.” That is why you shouldn’t take them for granted.
Again, self-explanatory, but remember who was there for you. My hope is that you have relatives who are loving and supportive, but if the family you were born into are not there for you then focus your attention on the family that is…
Give them your time,
Give them your effort,
Give them your energy
Give them your love.
Don’t leave it till you’re close to choosing your last tie to decide your life is worth living!
I truly hope these words resonate…
I will repeat them time and time again until everyone or can influence in my own small way, is choosing the life they want and deserve and not one they accept by default. You see even just in the choosing and the creating you will experience energy and joy because you’re the creator. You’ll finally be the one in the ‘driving seat’ of your life.
Blissings & much love
Access to Angel’s Transformative Coaching Programme:
You know those days when you just don’t want to DO anything and you know you just want to be with yourself?
Well Sunday was one of those days.
I have these moments when my ‘spirit’ feels weak and tired and I just want to ‘be’ and not ‘do.
So I chose to honour my needs and I did just that.
Hence my silence till now.
At one point I had a moment of ‘But I’ve got to get my blog out!’ but despite that decided that I need to ‘walk the walk and do what I’m constantly advising you my readers to do, and that is to honour your feelings, wants, needs and desires.
How many times have I insisted that YOU honour yourself, that you respect yourself?
How many time have I insisted that you are worthy and deserving?
Well, I of all people should be able to honour the same for me;
I should be an example to you.
So I did just that and so this evening I am posting later than usual; no guilt, no recrimination, no ‘should haves’ and I know it’s just as it should be…
The Divinity of Silence
Most of Sunday I spent in silence. As I get older, I notice that silence is increasingly welcome in my life.
It’s comforting and in silence I learn, in silence I grow.
In silence I am learning to be with myself.
When I or we spend time with ourselves we begin to understand ourselves better. We learn about the thoughts that surface and hold us back from the reality and the life we really want, we learn to quiet those thoughts and control our thinking…
It’s in the silence that we learn what we truly want in this life, who we choose to become and it is in silence that we find the courage to choose it. The courage to choose happiness and not feel undeserving or guilty about doing so.
I’m still working on the courage bit!
At the start of the week I made a decision. I decided that no matter what happened that week I would stay feeling good feelings and I would insist on having happy thoughts. I decided to really test myself on ‘choosing’ my reality
At the end of last week, Thursday to be exact, a wonderful woman whom I got to know earlier this year and I had a long overdue conversation on Thursday, during which she advised me to watch a film called ‘Marvellous.’
It’s about a man called Neil Baldwin who refused to accept he had any learning difficulties and as a result lived so much in the moment his life became such a wonderful example of how your thoughts create your reality.
The line that really captivated me and re-affirmed my commitment to my challenge from earlier in the week, was his response when asked how he manages being so positive and cheerful all the time. He replied:
“I always wanted to be happy, so I decided to be…when something bad happens I just think about something that makes me feel good.”
What a corker!
It’s so obvious and yet so simple at the same time.
Thursday & Friday were tough and I could feel that there was growing within me the potential for me to slip back in to fearful thinking and if I’m honest a little panic. I decided to really focus on applying The ‘Baldwin Principle’ and concentrates on thinking (and more importantly – FEELING) happy thoughts to the point where I felt happy physically. Light and sunny and positive. I recalled memories and events that had made me feel good in the past and really immersed myself in them once more.
Well didn’t’ it work a treat!
By midday on Friday I received physical confirmation that my good mood was attracting positivity into my life, when I received a very pleasant surprise. An email arrived to say that some work I had done for an agency, some time ago (that I’d actually forgotten about) had been authorised for payment and the money deposited into my bank account. Whoop di do eh?
But guess what the BEST payoff was.
I felt great ALL DAY…EVERY DAY! I was literally buzzing inside.
I had a smile on my face and a skip in my step so remember that we DO choose our thoughts, we CAN change them at will it just takes practise.
So, my advice to you for the rest of this week is collect a few memories and thoughts of events, situations, items, people who make you feel great and relive them.
Blanket yourself in the glow of them and smile, smile, smile your way to bliss.
One of my greatest moments of sadness is when I stand in front of a class of children and through the conversation I realise they do not love themselves. Like rest of us in society they are already ‘lovesick.’ I say ‘lovesick.’ because they have caught the bug and it’s making them (and us) sick. It’s the thought that they’re not loveable, they’re not ‘good enough’ to be loved for who they/we truly are that is making us ill.
Our relationships and especially our love relationships are opportunities for us to decidewho we are and choosewho we want to be. If we assume (and I know this is true for me), we are here as creators, our relationships are a powerful vehicles which give us the chance to decide, as Neale Donald Walsche says:
“What part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.”
You did this…Oh yes you did!
In my experience of life and relationships I have learnt that our dealings with others are a space in which we have an opportunity to choose and to create ourselves in our own vision. However the reality for most of us is very different. The biggest challenge we face is accepting that ‘we,’ yes ‘we’ created our state of ‘lovesickness’ whatever situation we may mind ourselves in.
It’s not deliberate you understand and I for one am not exempt. Most of us look to find that ‘perfect one.’ The one that ‘completes’ us the ‘special one’ who makes us feel whole. This is the ideology that we feed into and which is re-inforced by the messages we receive every day.
Oh My gosh!
They just changed… they’re not the same anymore
How much pressure is that for our significant other? In not wanting to disappoint they/we try to be and do he things we know our partner says they ‘want’ and ‘need’ (both words which come from a place of ‘lack’ by the way!). We see our relationship as a place where we should be what we think the ‘other’ needs. We then spend so much time bending and shaping ourselves like a pretzel into our idea of what we think they want that we end up not knowing which way is up, who we are, or what we think we want to be.
Finally, we get to a point where we can no longer keep up the pretence. It wasn’t deliberate, you understand, but eventually there’s the realisation that who we’re being in this relationship is not the ‘me’ we choose to project, the ‘authentic’ being that is expressing in a way that is acceptable to our soul and so we have no choice but to show our ‘real’ selves.
Our significant ‘other’ then says ‘we’ve changed.’ and I guess what? We have because we are now reclaiming our true selves and acting authentically, finally listening to the whisperings of our soul.
Giving up…giving in
It can take a few of these experiences before we realise that we’re going about it all wrong. When this happens most of us either settle for our lowest expectation or nurse the idea that we are fine with nothing at all. We choose companionship, give up on our highest and grandest vision of ourselves, we settle. The energy and vibrancy of youthful expectation has now diminished, (in most cases disappeared) and our passion, sexual enthusiasm and expression are now merely dying embers. We’re somewhere between our late 30s and our 60s and we’re tired!
Relationships never really fail
This state of being lovesick causes the relationship to end and one or other, or both’s feelings turn to resentment and then comes the anger!
Relationships ‘fail’ only because we stepped into them for the wrong reasons, not because (as is commonly thought), that they didn’t produce what we thought we wanted. In the main, most of us are looking for what we can get out of a relationship when we enter into it, instead of thinking what can we ‘add to’ it.
The only reason to have relationships is to decide who you really are and to choose to express that self through your reactions, thoughts and deeds.
There is no need for A.N. Other to express who you are, however without that ‘other’ we are nothing as we have nothing against whose speech, actions and reactions we can choose to express.
Therein lies the paradox.
What most of us do however is create our dream according to the needs, thoughts and desires (or so we think) of or beloved other instead of the needs, thoughts and desires of our selves. And so we are not a state of love and loving, but of being ‘lovesick.’
We spend our time measuring how well the other lives up to our expectations and how well we live up to theirs, when really we should test our relationships according to how well we live up to our own ideas of ourselves!
Worry only about yourself and how much you can give.
It’s of no consequence what the other is doing, being, having, thinking, planning, saying…what matters is what you are being in relation to that
The most loving person is the most Self-centred.
If you cannot love yourself then you cannot love others. So let’s get well, stop falling into ‘lovesick’-ness, stop seeing ourselves through the love of another. These may sound like familiar thoughts:
‘If I can love them then they will love me;
If I can please others then they will like me;
If I am loving towards others they will think I am loveable.’
We feel there is no-one that loves us. As a result we experience the reverse; Our thoughts become ones of self-hate (lovesick) because:
The truth is you will never truly accept the love of another until you love yourself.
So, for this week (and the weeks to come) make your focus one of loving yourself. Speak gently to yourself, forgive yourself, accept who you are remember we’re simply learning lessons and being given opportunities to decide who and what we choose to be.
We’re her to experience who and what we really are. Who you are is who you choose to show yourself as according to the influence of everything that you experience.
Today we come to the last instalment of what (unintentionally, but happily) has turned out to be a ‘series of posts’ on your PURPOSE and how to find it. In this post I’ll give you an illustration, through my experience of how your soul will keep seeking and reaching for you until you listen. You see, your purpose is always trying to find you because it’s mission is to find it’s expression no matter how long it takes.
All you need to do is listen.
Like water, which always finds a way to seep through and finds its own level, find its way through even the most fortified of defences, through the tiniest of cracks, your soul will find a way for you find your purpose no matter what.
So, if I you’re meant to positively communicate and uplift as your purpose, but are not communicating your purpose positively due to choices that make you unhappy, If you’re not expressing in the way your soul knows you should, you WILL communicate, you WILL express, but may well communicate negatively through criticism and griping and passive aggressive behaviour. All signs of your frustration and unhappiness.
The under side of the coin
Perhaps your purpose is to express love through caring and support, but you’ve made choices that make you feel constrained or trapped, you may still find yourself in a caring role, but resenting it. Perhaps a ‘too young parent,’ whose children are a source of frustration or forced to care for an aged parent or ill partner before you’re ready to. You care for them, but grudgingly so, you care for them but resent it, you care for them and feel trapped. You’re impatient and frustrated and blame them for the loss of your ‘life.’
Perhaps your purpose is to learn how to positively balance wealth and power with love and open communication. You may find yourself, striving and achieving greatly. Amassing great wealth and place within you community & society & your chosen field of work, but your relationships suffer from a lack of authenticity. You’re unable to open up and confide in others due to a fear of being surpassed or being seen as vulnerable. Your colleagues and the people you manage work for you out of sufferance and due only to your title & position, but not out of respect for you as a manager and human being. You are admired for your success yet feel isolated and alone.
You’re still expressing your nature, but not consciously in the form and manner it should take and that’s where your misery lies.
The message in the misery
Your misery is a persistent prod. Like a little devil with a trident, it’s prodding and poking you in the backside and saying ‘Hey you…this isn’t who/what/how you should be. This isn’t how/what you should be doing.’ S/he’s nudging you to pay attention and make the changes necessary to find your bliss. You see when you are expressing in the positive and standing in your purpose its the best feeling in the world. It is bliss!
In my case the universe conspired with my soul which is a persistent little thing and had kept fighting to bring out my authenticity.
One day, I got the message. One day, I finally listened…
I finally decided I was worthy…
Don’t stop believing…hold on to that feeling!
As I grew, my childish belief in my innate gifts stayed on the inside of me and I never stopped dreaming. Though on the outside, in daily my interactions I allowed myself to express only the thoughts and feelings that were ‘allowed’ and acceptable to others for fear of the criticism and ridicule I’d experienced as a child
Serendipity intervened. One day when waiting for a friend to get ready to go out I was singing as usual. here was safe, I wouldn’t be told to ‘shut up,’ or laughed at as I had been so many times when trying out for the school choir or leading roles in the plays, plus she was in the shower down the hall, so probably couldn’t hear me. Or so I thought. She heard me alright and was so impressed by my voice she pressed me to audition for the band she had just joined who needed another singer.
Feel the fear and do it anyway!
Because of the many time this the many time I have felt this in my life, I am convinced that when you feel a great fear, it’s often because you are on the verge of greatness, on the verge of stepping into the ‘you’ you are supposed to be. Like the understudy who finally gets to go on stage after the leading lady has broken her leg, you know that this is your time to shine and it’d better be good. All the expectation and hoping and dreaming has converged at this very moment and it is terrifying as you now have to ‘PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!’
My friend persisted and would not take my excuses or protestations for any kind of answer. My soul shoved me out from behind the curtain and I found myself singing. Singing in front of groups large and small. Finally I was expressing vocally, expressing positively… My purpose is: To uplift others and connect them to the divine within themselves through the use of my voice. It was one small way my soul could touch and taste what it was I am here to do and it was the most delicious flavour!
But I was still scared…The more I sang, the more I knew this was what I wanted to do and be, but the voices of my childhood, the lack of confidence in myself meant I allowed myself to take the ‘road most travelled.’ and I did the acceptable, the conventional.
Once the husband and family came along…then the singing disappeared too! though not without a serious fight to keep it a part of my life.
I had abandoned my dream… and instead adopted a more acceptable one. To go to university to become a professional to have the husband and the big house and the children. I was the clever one wasn’t I? so I should do the ‘right’ thing, the thing that will give me a better life, elevate me from the poverty, make me someone everyone is proud of… I achieved it all.
There was joy in it all, a sense of accomplishment, but there was always a feeling that something was missing. Always a restlessness, that was almost impossible to tame at times. Every so often there was that ‘nip’ the pinch of conscience that feeling that ‘there’s got to be more!’ I am more!
Divine wisdom and divine timing are just that…Divine
In hindsight (always ‘perfect’ vision) I can see the strategy my soul used to get me where I needed to be.
I had forgotten who I was. I had allowed myself to slowly disappear: I had given up my dreams to realism and common sense, my needs to family and my soul was dying…
When the yearning and the questions became so strong they could no longer be suppressed my soul conspired to make me redundant; TWICE! at the same time my marriage fell apart and I was in a tailspin of divorce, emotional recriminations and upset and for some years was reeling from the impact of it all. Desperately trying to regain my equilibrium, but the universe knows what it’s doing.
It placed me in an position where I finally had to decide what I wanted, what I needed and who I needed to be. I decided to work in a way that would fit with the timetable of my children instead of the corporate, fast-paced environment I had been in and so it manoeuvred me into an educational environment. Then it persisted in sending me a message to teach. Over and over and over again, trust me, that was the last thing I would ever have thought of doing! Until I listened and took action.
Becoming a teacher was the easiest thing in the world. Everything happened like a well oiled clock. Another sign that you are on the right path is the lack of resistance and effort.
The search for the rainbow
In this space I have found my voice and a joy I never thought I would experience. Six shows a day in front of the most critical audience ever…Secondary School Pupils! A Tough audience believe me, who have absolutely no qualms when it comes to telling you just how (insert another expletive!) you are!
So you see I was shown my audience after all, but the story doesn’t stop there. Firstly, Eight years on, the restlessness began again and I knew, though I loved teaching it as time to expand once more. I’d served my apprenticeship with the toughest audience in the world, it was time to grow even more. The universe/my soul was sending me subtle messages that my journey was to continue.
I hadn’t reached the end of my rainbow… just yet!
The message is in the repetitions
Then, several of my students, on separate occasions stated that I’d be a good ‘Motivational Speaker’ or ‘Life Coach,’ as I had a habit of telling them of the infinite talent and beauty I see in them, I had them meditating, which they loved and would ask for, I had a habit too of giving them ‘life’ teachings in class and guidance on to how to live their best lives.
Then again… I was supporting a friend who had experienced a relationship break-up. Their comments to me were how helpful I’d been that I should be…you guessed it, a Life Coach.’ They marvelled that I was so supportive, so insightful and said that he would have happily paid for the advice I had given.
And then finally to September 2013 when my attendance at Success 2013 at the Excel arena (London), produced an epiphany…
My destiny is to be a Coach & Speaker…to motivate not just the handful of children in my English classes, but a whole plethora of people…locally… globally. To put the learning that my life experience had taught me out into the world so that others could learn from it. So they could improve their lives, find their purpose.
And yes…to — USE MY VOICE to spread the learning and connect others to the divine within themselves.
It ain’t over till it’s over, if you’re still here…it ain’t over!
When God, the divine, the universe speaks it will repeat the message. LISTEN and TAKE ACTION.
So I listened and now I’m talking to you and you know what, my soul and heart have never been so alive nor have I felt so completely happy. There’s a quiet knowing and I am aware that I have found my calling, my purpose.
Your presence here, reading this post is me sending my voice out to you, so you can learn to appreciate and trust that you have a purpose and that it WILL be revealed to you.
I guess the point I’m making is that you will continue to get the message, whether it be a lesson for your soul’s development or a path for you to follow, you will continue to get the message. It comes via your intuition, through the words of others, the lyrics in a song, a passage in a book and is always accompanied by a feeling… a knowing that somehow that is a message just for YOU. If you’re feeling miserable, stuck, frustrated, ask yourself what messages have I ignored? what has my inner voice been trying to tell me?
Silence is golden
One way to hear the messages of the divine is to practise being silent. It is in silencethat GOD speaks to us.
Practise meditation or any other spiritual practise that brings your focus back to yourself.
The voice will become louder the messages stronger. They will strike a chord and resonate with your inner guidance system.
You will hear if you are OPEN…you have to LISTEN!
Through listening you will realise exactly WHY YOU ARE HERE
Last week I discussed love & fear and today I’m going to delve a little deeper into how we overcome the fear and stepping into our greatness.
Since Tuesday I’ve been in the wonderful Somerset countryside at a place called Nettlecombe Court on the edge of the Exmoor National park, on a writing retreat with some of my students.
It’s ben a wonderful few days filled with writing and sunshine.
I wasn’t going to come
Tonight was our last night and as I climbed the steep hill this evening towards the top for our last get together, a ‘fire circle.’ I got talking to young man who told me what a great time he’d had, yet at the start of the trip at the last-minute he’d decided he wasn’t going to come.
Now he was so pleased with himself that he did because he’d been challenged to write different styles, challenged to be self-sufficient and challenged to make new friends, all of which he had achieved admirably and so he was, rightfully so, proud of himself.
More importantly I could see he’d grown as a person. He was expanded. He’d learnt new things, met new people and was enriched by it. He was confident in his own abilities and as a result had conviction; a knowledge of who he was and the knowledge that he can go out into the world and grab hold of whatever he want from it!
He bless him, had demonstrated ‘Fearlessness’
Fearlessness isn’t some abstract act or emotion demonstrated by Knights a and prince’s in fairy tales and curtly acts and gestures of love.
Fearlessness is knowing that this thing holds fear for you, but being determined not to let that fear paralyse you and to push through regardless. Push through to your greatness.
Feeding the baby
The result of allowing fear into our lives is that we become smaller and smaller until all memory of the expansive feeling, that should be our norm, is lost and we accept instead a pale, shrunken substitute in the form of fear.
We nestle it in bosom and cradle it in our arms and tell fear ‘it’s Okay…nothing will harm or threaten you.’
We allow the negative voices of the ego, the voices of trepidation, the voices of ‘I couldn’t do it so why should you?’ we indulge the persistent and endless ‘What about’ voices that echo and echo in your head.
What about your pension, what about paying your rent, what about getting a career with prospects… ‘what about’…’what about’…’what about.’
We amplify them…
They take up root theses voices, grow claws and fangs and gnaw away at us…
The more we listen the less able we are to act. We become dry not fluid and free-flowing and like anything that’s dry and shrivelled, we become brittle. Our brittle nature, our resentment (primarily of ourself for not allowing our innate brilliance to shine), we then project on others.
It’s in this way that we perpetuate the cycle of insignificance, of being afraid to step out and re-draw again the cycle of frustration…
But we know it’s not enough don’t we? We FEEL it in our core that there’s more than we are currently experiencing, but what? How do we access it?
Don’t just take my word for it, I’m not the first to have said so, so here’s a reminder:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
In my experience, I have found, that the way to end your fear is to find your centre. Finding your centre means you develop an inner strength and self belief and develop a deeper connection with your higher power. In developing this connection you are more able to hear the messages that are guiding you to your best self; to the activities, roles, people and situations that accelerate you souls’ learning and to finding your purpose.
When you do find your centre, you become completely clear in the knowledge that you are a part of everything and that everything is a part of you. You no longer feel there is anything to fear.
How do I access my centre you may ask?
For me that has been beautifully found through the practise of meditation.
But there are other ways:
One lovely way is to have something in your life that allows you to connect to your creativity, just as we have done at Nettlecombe.
It may not be something conventionally creative like painting or flower arranging and it definitely doesn’t have to be for anyone else’s approval other than that of your own. In fact make sure it’s just for you…
This is designed to feed you, to lift yoursoul and not anyone else’s, so do something that makes you smile
Dance around the room once or twice a week to uplifting music, or roll around in the leaves in the park, Take up a new class of some kind, Write, Join a choir and sing your heart out, Go for a run (or if you’re like me a geriatric stroll), but hey, at least you’re getting some fresh air! Help someone and then…
KEEP DOING IT!Build a ‘feel good factor momentum,’ lift your mood, feel good, for when you feel good, what do you have to worry about let alone fear?
The more often you do this, the more your fear lessens.
You begin to feel invincible and to be honest,
Invincible is exactly how we are meant to feel! ; )
Happy Sunday everyone, For the next five weeks I’ll be examining the 5 biggest regrets people make on their deathbed.
The big five
These five regrets are namely:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not one others EXPECTED of me.
I wish I hadn’t worked SO hard
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
I wish I’d been happier
Oh my!…How distressing
Today I will examine number one which is the regret of not having the courage to live a life true to yourself
The good news is, the palliative care nurse that shared this information has given us a magnificent gift. How amazing to know NOW, in THIS VERY MOMENT how to avoid the potential feelings of regret as our souls transition. How amazing it is to have been given the OPPORTUNITY to change the course of our lives and know that we are ready to leave this world happy and fulfilled having:
Given of our best,
Been our best selves
Served humanity and as a result
Received the best that life has to offer.
Today’s the day
If we heed the warning TODAY, and I mean TODAY! Let’s not procrastinate any longer, the result will be that ALL who take up the challenge will live lives that are abundant, lives in which you feel completely realised as whole and complete. You will step into your greatness.
You will finally enjoy living a fulfilled life, one which is joyous, balanced and fearless; a Life which on reflection will make you to shout a resounding ‘NO REGRETS.’
You will have lived, A Life true to yourself
But, what exactly is that?
Many of us spend our whole life, struggling to find who we are, what it is we want and name what that is. Many of us, reach well in to middle age and still don’t know ‘What it is we want to do and be when we grow up.’
Or else ~
Like me and you may resonate with this one: We knew, deep, deep down, many eons ago, perhaps as far back as 2 or 3 years of age or 6 or 7, exactly what we wanted to do, who we wanted to be…but when we put it out there we had our dreams ridiculed, and laughed at or else scolded for even daring to think such nonsense.
Whatever the reaction was, as we grew older, as we met the world at large and more messages of ‘just do; the right thing,’ be ‘like everyone else,’ average, grey.
The message that told us to ‘fit in.’
‘Not shine too brightly,
‘Not show up the inadequacies of others by being as shiny as our own bright star was capable.
Our dreams shrank and so did we…
Dream stealers and energy vampires
“Well, son there’s not much call for cowboys these days…”
“Magic doesn’t pay that well…”
“How can you be successful as a baker? and it’s really warm with all those ovens…”
Or Maybe, like me…you were simply laughed at…
Or received an angry response: ‘Who do you think you are?’
Many of us received the following responses:
“You’re good at English/Maths/Science, why not become a Teacher/Accountant/Doctor. It’s a good profession and you’ll have a good income and a better life than we had.”
“You need to go to work…we cant afford to send you to Drama/Circus/Dance school.”
I have no doubt they discouraged us because they had the best of intentions, however, they are invariably the phrases passed down from Aunts, Uncles, Elder sisters & brothers. Many of our care givers repeat these warnings because of their own fear or simply for something to say.
Whatever the message was, we believed it.
We echoed it and increased it’s power, OR we stuffed it down into the already bulging sack of ‘rubbish’ which holds similar messages from other caregivers, mentors, teachers and significant adults who influenced our formative years and convinced ourselves we didn’t deserve to EVER take that out and look at it again!
We accepted, what they said was true and that ‘LIFE’S JUST NOT LIKE THAT!’ instead we resigned ourselves to being ‘sensible’ and ‘realistic.’
Once the three-year-old you met resistance from a significant adult it’s game over! It’s far too great a challenge to expect a 3, 4, 5 year-old to stand firm, take the bit between their teeth and insist that they are able to assert their right to be their authentic self.
So, we made a decision…an unconscious one.
We decided that the feeling of perfection, of being so expanded and happy, so exhilarated, the feeling that you CAN do anything; the feeling that
Being on horseback,
Creating yummy smelling rolls,
Acting the clown
Performing created within you, was a fleeting, transitory emotion that we could only expect to experience on a couple of occasions in a lifetime!
We decided, unconsciously you understand, that life was more passive & unimaginative, that no-one feels like that ALL the time, that you were not special enough to feel that way all the time.
After all no-one we know does these things,
To feel happy, content and fulfilled … is the exception. Isn’t it?
In the depths of your soul, you know don’t you?
You know you’ve been sold a massive lie.
That somehow…you betrayed yourself.
You’re an adult now. The biggest thing stopping you, is not the people around you it is…
You guessed it!
F E A R
What we fail to recognise is that they’re not RIGHT they’re just AFRAID;
Afraid to follow your passion.
Afraid you’ll fail,
Afraid you’ll look silly,
Afraid of what others might say,
Afraid you’ll be unable to survive,
Afraid to be different,
Afraid, Afraid, Afraid!
My hope is that today, this blog will get you thinking and I will help you realise one thing.
You have a choice…
Right here, NOW.
You have the right, the option, to choose differently, to not be the next person who at the point of leaving this world says:
‘I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself.’
So if you give yourself one gift this year, let it be the gift of YOURSELFtoYOURSELF…
Revisit your passions:
What were the things you’ve experienced, achieved, completed that gave you that feeling of expansion, a feeling that everything is/was perfect, of exhilaration.
A simple feeling of joy?
Is there room to re-introduce it/them into your life?
As you’ve evolved, have you discovered a new passion and how can you make that your life’s work?
‘Success’ only comes before ‘work’ in the dictionary
My experience of changing my life, living with my joy every day and being a more successful ‘me,’ has taught me that,
Yes it will be work,
Yes there will be challenges,
But guess what?
When you step into your passion you connect with your greatness EVERY SINGLE DAY.
You’re in joy EVERY SINGLE DAY,
you look forward to the work you do.
You WANT to do it, not HAVE to do it.
Aren’t we all familiar with the phrase ‘I havetogo to work?’
Even your challenges become joyous because you know that like a diamond, these challenges are simply polishing you up.
Polishing you up, so you become your, shining, brilliant, best self; sparkling on every facet and reflecting the glory of the universe back to yourself and to us all.
The saddest and most painful words ever uttered are: