Tag Archives: Blackwoman Goddess Selfdevelopment Blackgirl Wisdom Potential AgeofAquarius ANewdawn Sisterhood

Self Care 2020

Happy New Year Everyone,

I know it may have been a disappointment that I didn’t post last week, especially as it was the first Sunday of the New year and Decade, but I decided to walk the walk and execute some self care and as most of us do at this time of year some reflection.


I pottered around my home, meditated, concocted a delicious smoothie and immersed myself in a loooong bath, you know the ones where you detox and shave and trim and emerge feeling band new? I then cooked some delicious vegan food and took to my bed at 5pm!

My Deeeelicious Smoothie

Please understand I wasn’t sick, I just realised I hadn’t exercised self care for a while and I just wanted to be with ME.

The responsibility of writing… the thoughts of “they’ll be ‘expecting’ a post,’ lay heavily until I reminded myself

  • I do this for pleasure.
  • I do this in order that one or two others may benefit from my experiences…

And the last thing I want to draw in as we enter a new decade and New Year, is the energy of ‘SHOULD’

Before we get into the ‘rhythm’ of the year 2020, I would urge any of you with whom this resonates, to take a look at one of the ‘shoulds’ or ‘must do’s’ in your life. Is there one of them that you can dispense with, break the cycle of obligation and instead replace it with something you ‘WANT’ to do?

It’s surprising how much more energised you feel and satisfied. Because you’re signalling to your subconscious mind your belief in your worthiness in what you deserve and what life should bring to you.

It doesn’t have to be big…

Perhaps it’s just a bath and a detox, or a healthy smoothie day once a week, a walk or run once or twice a week…something to break the cycle of must dos and should dos and to invigorate you.

Deeeetox! Ahhh…

If, for example, your car stalls and you tried one method in order to get it started, there’s not point continuing with the same method is there? So you gotta change your methodology.

I’m naturally creative; a writer, singer, jewellery maker, a knitter & I can crochet…I was a dancer. Everything I do to relieve the tension and add zest to my life is invariably creative and I do so because I enjoy these pursuits. So, I told myself, ” let go any feelings of responsibility” (I know I’ll get back on the horse again when the time is right) and put myself first.

This is the energy I would like to start the new decade of 2020 with.

After a day I realised that putting myself first and for nearly 24 hours forgetting about the house and the income and the work and the cleaning and all the other ‘shoulds,’ had created the following benefits:

  • I was alive with inspiration as to my next step in life as my subconscious mind had been given time to explore and imagine and desire
  • My vision was becoming clearer

-Who I wanted to be

-What I wanted to do

-What I wanted to have in my life

  • My purpose was being revealed to me
  • It was becoming clear what support and training I needed to achieve the next step
  • The divine whispers were getting stronger…I could hear them and became more determined to follow their guidance

Just over a week later and those ideas are beginning to take shape and universal support has begun showing up to help me step closer to my purpose and vision. For you too answering these questions will bring you closer, regardless of who you are, what you did before or how old you are, or to the life you want to live if you’re looking for a change.

Now I’ve mentioned that some of the consequences of exercising self care are that you :

  • Give yourself space to acquire a clearer vision,:
  • You become more inspired about your life and where you want to take it as well as signalling to your subconscious mind that you appreciate yourself and deserve the best.

Our minds can’t actually tell the difference between the real world and the imaginative one, so if your focus is on what you want to create in your life, your subconscious mind will create scenarios and situations in order for that situation/opportunity to be realised.

So what other ways can you put yourself first?

Setting Boundaries

Image by Andrew Martin from Pixabay

Another way to practise putting yourself first is in the setting of boundaries and speaking up for yourself. In order to stay with the new vision for your life there will be times when you have to say ‘No,’ which for many of us is the most challenging thing to do, especially with family and friends.

Saying no is simply being assertive, communicating in an assertive way and creating boundaries; which shows others, whether family friends, colleagues etc. the expectations and values you have with regards to how you should be treated or what you expect. This isn’t often thought of as self-care, but it’s the strongest signal you can send yourself of your value and what you deserve.

When you set boundaries or find the courage to say ‘I’m afraid I don’t think it’s possible for me to do that at this time,’ (It may not mean for ever); You’re defending your time and your right to be the one who discerns where your time, attention and energy should be directed.

 Exercise & Diet

Our increasingly sedentary lives or indeed if you’re like me and on your feet all day, can mean our bodies are static for far too long. We all know when we need to exercise, yet all too often we lament that we do not have enough time. The time exists it’s just a matter of making this a priority and it’s the same with our diet.

These are vital self-care practices.

It’s well documented the physical and psychological effects of regular exercise, but don’t panic, start slowly and just do whatever it is once or twice a week, then build up. Just the freedom (especially if you simply go for a walk outdoors) provides a clarity and opening of the lungs that creates a sense of well-being and you feel better able to tackle the day.

Similarly with diet, we’re aware of the changes e need to make, but again here, start slowly…eliminate sugar from every other tea or coffee you have, drink some water before each meal if that’s where you need to improve…eat a plant based diet once or twice a week of you need to reduce meat consumption.

Poor diet leads to poor health and this in turn leads to an impairment of your physical and mental functioning. No realising your vision if you have a foggy brain eh?

There are of course other ways one can exercise self-care and I’ll outline these and their benefits next week. Between these posts, you’ll have a manual for improving how your year takes shape and improving how you think about yourself too.

The upshot is, that self-care is critical in every aspect of our lives if we want our lives to function well. It’s especially crucial if you’re a person wanting to make a change in your life.

Why not let 2020, the start of new decade as well as a new year be the year you focus on YOU.

Make Self-Care your ‘buzz phrase’ and just see what wonderful new and more aligned opportunities show up for you.

Blissings and much love

Pauline Tomlin


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I have been told many times that I have ‘Potential.’

The Stars… Potential

You can imagine how frustrating it is then to feel that I’ve never quite achieved that so often noted potential. Life seems so have been one, never-ending merry-go-round ride of resistance, under achievement and frustration. Despite working consistently hard, diligently and at times as if I was the great god Hercules himself, I somehow find myself back scrabbling around in life and patently aware that…

  • I am not living my best life,
  • I’m not realising my potential,
  • I’m not living and working ‘on purpose’ and definitely
  • I’m not seeing that purpose translate itself into Abundance: material, financial, spiritual or emotional.
  • I’m not serving in as great a way as I know I am able  

So, what the hell is going on? From what I read in blogs and various news feeds it would appear I’m not alone in experiencing these feelings. BUT…

How do we break the cycle?

How do we show up and step into the version of ourselves we know we can be?

Because girl, I sure as hell ’aint got it down yet!

It’s in this space that I find myself. I’m sure some of you can relate?

As a black woman in a white world you’re not expected to have potential. In fact, your potential is more often than not a threat or a problem. At times, even others within your own cultural context see your ambition and striving as you getting ‘above yourself,’ your ambition appears too persistent, too lofty.

On the other hand, when you are consistently speaking your vision into being and yet somehow you’re still incapable of getting within touching distance of your vision, even you can be forgiven for dismissing that oft quoted ‘Potential’.

It’s excruciatingly painful not being able to fully feel your power, to inhale the fullest expression and your truth.

Black Woman, Potential, confident.
Black Woman… confident, Expressing truth

Much of the black woman’s experience is one of containment. Well, in my experience and those of my friends, this is what I observe. I’m talking mostly of those black women of my generation ( those of us who are somewhere between mid 40s and our late 50s) who were almost exclusively fertilised in the soil of a White Western Cultural Context. It’s been a socialisation that mostly denies who we are and what we’re capable of achieving.

  • Denies the inherent Goddess nature of our spirit
  • Denies the wisdom and power of our ancestry
  • Denies our connectedness to Mother Earth.
  • Denies that we are Original Woman, from whence All huemankind originated.

As such, those of us who have reached the lofty heights of a fulfilled life often do so against insurmountable odds and doesn’t society just love that narrative? It’s one of the limited roles we’re allowed to wholly inhabit.

The strong black woman rising against adversity, beating the odds is one of those tropes that make for great tearjerker movies and reinforces the stereotype that we do not need emotional support. Instead we inhabit a world where we are stoic and resolute, we have no need of sisterly support, we have no need of our men and their protection, we have no need for fair and equal consideration because we can get there anyway, despite the challenges, despite the trials… all on our own!

This and other nefarious tropes we are allowed. I’m talking about ones such as; the single black woman or the angry black woman. These are the limited templates we are allocated and they’re socially ingrained. As a result, society and its systems deliberately limit our opportunities and access on all fronts so that we have no option but to fit one or other of them.

If we don’t then we’re simply dismissed.

Quite frankly “Mi tyad a dem!”

They say to write well, you should write what you know and what I know is being black, female, a mother, a grandmother teacher and proud descendant of my ancestral lineage, yet at the same time displaced, not fitting and not even in possession of my original name.

I am a humanitarian and proudly descendent of the continent called Afrika; a seeker a peacemaker, a teacher and idealist. As such @Notes on a Lazy Sunday will lean in a slightly different direction.

At times it may be controversial and provocative, at others cuddly and warm either way you are at liberty to comment, discuss, argue or agree and at the very least share with someone who may be similarly illuminated or enraged by the content. Isn’t that the great thing about social media, anyone can comment?

Well, back to the limiting templates I mentioned earlier: Let’s examine them shall we?

Now there’s nothing wrong with being single you understand, but when I notice it seems disproportionate to other groups in society, It gets me a-thinking and a-musing.

The Black woman and her features are coveted, but only deemed acceptable or beautiful when attributed to women of other races. The full lips and hips, the almond eyes, the small waist and high, tight, full bosom, the copper, coffee, cinnamon, vanilla-choco-latte complexions (god forbid not the cocoa or ebony hues though…lawd Jesus NO!) are all deliciously coveted.

The wrinkleless, smooth skin, muscular definition lustily sougth after and acquired via artificial enhancements by many are rarely (if ever) deemed to be ‘acceptable’ if your skintone veers towards the cocoa/ebony/onyx end of the pantone chart.

And so, society slowly and consistently, with a drip, drip, drip programmes men, women, girls and boys into the notion that beauty is defined by a white/creamy/Latte colour chart. Result: Black men and boys disproportionately (at least in my experience of the UK) and increasingly marrying white/creamy/latte coloured women.

White men marry white/creamy and Latte coloured women. There is always the ODD exception who will step over into the territory inhabited by the duskier hued beauty and the men of other races and cultures invariably marry within their own cultural and religious groupings.

Another result of this programming is that some of our white/creamy/latte coloured girls and women subconsciously see themselves as superior. (I know…that old chestnut! – well, guess what it’s still happening) – It’s not overt, but subtle; in ways that they communicate, or assume they go first or that they should be the one’s approached if men are around.   

And so, you have the creation, on masse of the ‘Single Black Woman:’

  • The strong independent black woman – Single
  • The single parent black woman – Single
  • The ambitious, educated black woman (Corporate) – Single
  • The adventurous entrepreneur black female – Single

Some of us lament the situation. Others of us are saddened by it. There are those of us who have given up and become sexually and emotionally anorexic. With no meaningful relationships in which to test or sharpen our emotional selves and not being taught by our mothers and grandmothers that it’s okay to feel, we deny our sisterhood, suffer in silence and alone. We ignore each other’s plight, choosing instead to perpetuate the dysfunctional cycle.

The Angry Black woman

What our men and society fail to realise is most of us have had so many hurtful experiences in both life and love that: we’re not angry…

We’re F*@%ing hurt!

Beyond imagining. And it’s not just our hurt we carry. But the epigenetic traumas passed through our DNA from the kidnap, rape and torture of slavery to the humiliation and denial of our being today.

We’re not allowed to be vulnerable, needy or sensitive. Instead we’re expected to be strong, disregard or refuse to admit we have needs, and are encouraged instead to be the eternal, stoic mother caring for the needs of everyone but ourselves. I mean we’re all so familiar with the powerful, strong ‘she who is to be obeyed,’ wise old matriarch aren’t we? After all Tyler Perry has made multimillions from his depictions of her.

From girlhood we are taught to be strong, to negate our feelings and just ‘get on with things.’ Invariably because there is no-one to lean on we have no alternative. If we do not comply, we are considered soft or weak and god forbid we decide to impose our own boundaries, then we are considered ‘bougie,’ ‘stuck up,’ or ‘cold’ and so the nefarious pattern continues its destructive cycle.

Where do we go from here?

Black Woman, Goddess
Black Woman, mysterious, wise, the original Goddess

I’m sure we have all noticed that the earth is seriously in trouble. We have entered the Age of Aquarius and most New Age philosophers are advocating for greater balance on the planet, namely embracing the feminine essence as a counter to the predominantly masculine energies we have been living with for a millenia, in the hope the earth may begin to rebalance and heal.

In my view, Society’s first consideration should be to remember to honour the primary feminine essence that is the ‘Black Mother’…

The Black woman as Ancestor/Daughter/Granddaughter/Sister… and bring her energies, her nurturing spirit and the wisdom she possesses back into the fabric of our lives. 

If we are to fulfil our potential as ‘huemans,’ and have any hope of reversing the damage we’ve created or of saving the planet for future generations then the ‘Mother,’ the Black Woman, the original life giver & energyforce needs be restored to her rightful place as the SOURCE, the wise one from whence we all came.

Just Sayin!

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Blissings & Love

Insightful Angel

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