When you’re done

Happy Sunday All,

There’s an incredible exhalation and settling into yourself that takes place when you finally realise that

When you’re done, you’re done!

let-it-be-594529_1280Oprah has a saying: “Let go and let God,’ and for some reason it’s a phrase that has stayed with me for over a year after first hearing. After wrestling with a challenge that for so many years I seemed to ‘get wrong’ and despite effort and meditation and all kinds of ‘spiritual’ methods, I just couldn’t seem to find a solution to.

Frustration

despair-862349_1280It was a situation that drained and exhausted me and left me feeling wanting and inadequate. All around me others seemed to master this issue, it seemed to come to them relatively easily, they manifested the solution and continued to do so, yet for some reason this eluded me. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how kind or cheerful (putting out positive energy into the universe, knowing it would be returned to me), no matter how much detachment I exercised or how many times I focused on my vision and tapped into ‘positive’ feelings to go with it.

As you can imagine this was not only a source of frustration, but a source (despite using every fibre of my being to keep up an equilibrium and stay aligned to the spiritual beliefs I hold true) of a shame and feeling of unworthiness that piqued and left me feeling like a fraud.

You know you know

rock-403773_1280You see I knew, in the very fibre of my being, that “The law of attraction.” That “What you put out you get in return;” I knew, just KNEW, that all these pillars of my beliefs were not empty epithets. That these practices worked and was universal and true for ALL of us, so if that was the case why wasn’t I getting the results I envisioned? Why was I still challenged by this state of affairs? Why was I still rolling that immense boulder uphill?

One day…I became angry.

That’s another thing. Many of us who are walking through this life on a ‘Spiritual’ pathway have no idea what to do with anger. Indeed we often deny it or suppress it, we feel ashamed that we even feel it, because aren’t we on a path to enlightenment and shouldn’t ‘feel’ like this? We are an ‘examples’ to others of grace and calm and acceptance aren’t we?

But I was P*ssed! To say the least!  (excuse the Vernacular!)

I was done!

And when you’re done –  you’re done!

I’d  come to the end of my tether; I had no rope left;

SO…

I let go…

2014-04-29 18.35.30The space of ‘When you’re done, you’re done’ is a place where you discover you have no fight left. You give up pushing and the same obstacle around the same old track, you give up fighting the same fight…

You’re so sick and tired and tired and sick of hearing yourself:

  1. Saying the same old things,
  2. Moaning the same old moans,
  3. Complaining about the same old complaints….

On…and on…and on…and on…and on

If you’re actually bored with yourself and angry with that incessant, chattering, vile voice in your head.

That’s when you know you’re done and…

When you’re done…you’re done!

It’s a strangely liberating feeling.

YOU LET GO and as Oprah says: “YOU LET GOD

hand-792923_1920

No! I haven’t suddenly had a religious conversion, you understand, the phrase simply serves to illustrate the point that you ‘GIVE UP & GIVE IN’ and in the process of letting go you give yourself permission:

  • Permission to stop feeling guilty – That you’re not where you should be, or done what you think you should have ‘by now!’
  • Permission to feel the immense, delectable peace that comes with ‘letting go.’ Letting go of the trials and the fight, letting go of the pushing and the challenge and the strain and the effort and the suffering.
  • Permission to allow another solution to manifest and open up for you
  • Permission to sleep more and cry less, to breathe more deeply and eat less (great for improving the waistline.)
  • You give yourself permission to relax more and focus on what you DO want instead of what you don’t
  • Permission to ‘flow’ and let go control
  • Permission to be more authentic, more real, more you; no excuses and no apologies.

hands-423794_1280

Consider this:

  • Is there some area in your work or life or relationship(s) that deep down you know you’re ‘flogging the proverbial dead horse?’
  • Is S/he not going to shift their position…they’ve told you so over and over again – BELIEVE THEM!
  • Is S/he not going to change though they keep promising? Do you know deep down it will take years even if they did? How much more time can you afford to invest in the situation? the relationship, in them?
  • Is the bureaucracy/bullying/ at work not going to ease off any time soon?
  • Will that friend not change and become more enlightened and kind and accepting of others? Have they told you ‘this is who they are’ but you keep trying to control the situation the outcome, the person?

Do you recognise any or all, of the above? If you do

STOP

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It’s a clear sign you’re done

Liberation

children-214437_150Letting go and knowing that you’re done is the most liberating thing that can happen to you. There’s a physical release, a relaxing of the ‘holding,’ a letting go of the tension.

You get to focus instead, of what you don’t want, on channelling your energy clearly on what you DO want,

So too, with your feelings you begin to see that there are some you want to own and others you’d happily ditch…

  • You’re learning
  • You’re growing
  • You’re done

Elsa-FrozenIn being ‘done’ you re-focus your energy and recover your verve. Yes, you may have to do a bit of ‘facing up.’ And taking responsibility, after all, YOU made the choices you did, but along with this is an immense exhalation and a sinking into the space you should have occupied all along.

Here… you create and dream and wait and in the waiting your intuition tells you when and how you can now choose to be FREE.

Happy Easter all

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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My Pledge – I am

Happy Tuesday all,

It’s Rather unusual I know for me to be posting today, but I’m feeling triumphant but exhausted. I’ve spent the best part of  4 hours searching google for my disappeared posts and copying, pasting and re-typing them. This process took concentration and patience and in this state I began musing.

You see I have a vision of what I feel my service to the world is and I’ve kind of in a muddled-not-very-clear way expressed it, but today I decided to GET CLEAR.When I got clear I knew I needed to declare it, so that I become accountable, so that you can call me to task and say: “You said you’d do/be X-Y-Z.” So below is my manifesto: My Pledge – ‘I AM’ statement

i-am-429698_1280I am

Loving, open space. I am safety, I am possibility & fearlessness.

I shine.

I am powerful beyond what my conscious mind can conceive. I am amazing; an example to others of human potentiality.

I am JOY!

I see the best of you, in ALL of you and support you so you feel free enough to allow your light to shine and your power to flow.

angel-645591_1280

I am the spark that ignites the potentiality in others, so they can stand; fully immersed in the completeness of the power they know is within and the abundance they know they deserve

I am present & respect the imperfect perfection in us all, reflecting back to you everything you can be, do & have, and in so doing, I propel you into the light of your own being

I am everything & nothing

I am full & complete.

I celebrate all of life, all of my feelings, all my wants and desires, all of my failings and successes.

All are mine & all are perfect because they belong to ME!

I am whole; I am good, I am OK

I am the lilting breeze, the raging storm and the soft milk moon because every part of me is a part of everything.

hands-423794_1280

I am Complete

I am ME

My hope for you

Is that you deeply connect with the meaning in my words and through them begin to connect with your own wonder. I commit to working with you to see your light and to use my skills and talents to support you so you can bring your talents, joys and light into the world, for as Marianne Williamson says:

I vow to lose my personal fear so, help me to help YOU and to DO exactly what my heart tells me I am here for.

22nd August 2015 you are invited here: 

A Space To B…Me

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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Commitment

Happy Sunday All,

Love-is-an-unconditional-commitment

You probably know that I write about the things I’ve learned on my journey and share with you because I hope that what I’ve learned will help you on your journey in some way.

What I choose to write about often comes instantly or there’s a theme that repeats itself in the conversations I have or overhear, or the information or articles I read.

As I went through my week one word kept re-appearing: ‘Commitment.’

It came up both a topic in my life but also in the conversations I have heard others having about their own. As I mused about the nature of the word and what it means it occurred to me that it’s a state we often say we’re prepared to enter into, but what does ‘Commitment’ really mean?

 The dictionary defines Commitment as:

  1. A willingness to give your time and energy to something that you believe in or a promise or firm decision to do something  OR
  2. Something that you must do or deal with that takes your time

When we commit to something or someone it means there is an expectation…

Commitment- After the mood has left youWhat you’re doing is making a promise, a promise to consistently and continuously spend energy. You’re saying that you believe in the project, or person or relationship and that you’re prepared to put in the time and the energy to see it through to the end; to realise the vision of the project, or relationship that you subscribed to.

How often though, do we commit in words and yet our actions fail to back them up?

 Commitment & Love:Commitment - Lincoln

With anything we want, whether it’s something we’d like to create, achieve or do means that invariably we create a vision beforehand. Most of us have an idea or an outcome in mind. Yet, more often than not we say we’re committed whilst in the feelings that go with creating the vision.

What we’re actually committing to is the feelings we’re experiencing whilst in the vision/creation stage, or else we’re committing to the feelings we anticipate we’ll feel once we achieve our desired outcome.

It’s pretty obvious that so many of us ignore the fact that we’re happy to sit in the space of Intention.’ The feel-good’ stage, but are less ready for the ‘focus’ and ‘plan of action’ needed to follow through and make our promises real?

I DO…Marriage - Commitment

Pledging a commitment is most identifiable in our society in the institution of marriage, yet our divorce statistics, show we are as likely to fail in this commitment as succeed, telling us clearly that even when we legalise and notarise our commitments and state them in front of those nearest and dearest to us, we are still not able to keep our commitments.

Why is this the case?

Imagine…city-563171_1280

Someone dear to you, you agree you love each other…in fact, you’ve said it to each other many times, you accept you are ‘committed’ to one another.

They know your favourite fruit is Pineapple and so they tell you they’re going to get up early the next day, go to the market and buy you the freshest, juiciest pineapple they can find and bring it to you because you mean something to them. Your relationship is important to them, they’re committed to you and your happiness and so they want to see you have the things you like and deserve.

Now imagine…

This very same person misses the first day. They wake up late and tell you not to worry they’ll go tomorrow. They’re just as enthusiastic, they intend to go, you mean so much to them and they really want to do this for you and show you how much they love you. You do know that they love you don’t you?

But the next day they sleep in too…and the next…and the next…and then they’ve got other things to do…other people to see…but they WILL do it, they just can’t right now.

There’s time…

Be patient…

But you know they love you… don’t you?

And so on

The Pineapple bringer:pineapple-382097_1280

They lack devotion to their promise, they’re unwilling to give time and energy to seeing their promise through, There’s a dis-connection between what they say they want and what they’re prepared to do to get it.

  • They lack Authenticity
  • Their commitment is simply ‘Lip service!’ without the focus and devotion to achieving the result.

 The Pineapple receiver:

pineapple-382097_1280Despite wanting desperately to continue to believe in the Pineapple bringer and to take them at their word; after countless disappointments they have to admit they are committed…The Pineapple bringer is not.

They have no choice…

They lose faith…

And eventually…

They stop believing…

 So which one are you?

What makes romantic love so wonderful is the intimacy it creates between you and your chosen partner. You feel valued, supported, accepted and embraced.

But Intimacy evokes a powerful mix of emotions. Intimacy brings you together, you feel empowered, you develop closeness and allow yourself to be vulnerable, but being vulnerable can mean you’re at the mercy of the whims, moods and opinions of the one you love.

Are you the Pineapple Giver

Whose dismissiveness (lack of time investment) i.e. rejection & inability to devote your time and energy to the promise you made creates deep-rooted hurt?

Do you criticise, become defensive or attack when your partner (nervously) reminds you of the promise you made, or do you retreat, emotionally withdraw or simply ‘check out,’ invalidating and rejecting your partner creating deep, painful wounds?

Or are you the Pineapple Receiver

Who decided in the beginning that you were prepared to find the time, energy & and devotion. That you will carry out the plan and achieve the outcome you both seemed to want. Whose consistent and persistent disappointment & rejection (no time investment, needs negated or dismissed – other things/people always come first), has made you so unhappy and so tired you can no longer be ‘patient.’ And you wonder if your patience is actually voluntary slavery in disguise.

Or are you enduring an unhappy state, not ready to give up just yet, your commitment blindly causing you to cling to something that’s dead out of a commitment now, not to the relationship, but to ‘how it looks’ or because you’re ‘used to it.’ And it’s less scary than what you see as the alternative or to ‘the children?’

Choose to…

its-your-choiceWhatever state you’re in, whichever one you are…you know and deep down you know that nothing changes unless you make a choice.

  • Choose to – Commit to the process of your relationship?
  • Choose today, to commit to the promises you made when you uttered those three little words
  • Imagine if we committed to working on and devoting ourselves to maintaining our levels of emotional intimacy as well as and learning what it is we had to do to support that process?
  • Choose to – Prioritise your intimate relationship by actually valuing the relationship over the less important things that we use as an excuse to delay or allow to get in the way?
  • Choose to – Make time to spend private time together, re-acquaint yourself with one another regularly
  • Choose to – Listen to and support each others’ needs. Try not to reject when your partner needs/wants to talk to you, assuming the worst or that it will inevitably be a confrontational exchange. Sometimes all we need is for the person who means the most to us to just listen.
  • Choose to – Change your thoughts instead of seeing the feelings and outcomes as the goal, remember it’s the devotion to the process that’s where the joy is found.
  • Choose to – Change your life to one in which you focus on the quality of experience and the flow of life
  • Choose to change if you know that your Joy is elsewhere. If it’s obvious that your commitment is futile as the ‘other’ has left the building… It is you and you alone who can free yourself to find it.

Be authentic!

2014-07-19 18.27.07The next time you are on the verge of saying something to another person, your boss, yourself that means you’re making a promise or commitment remember what it is you’re doing…Remember that it means to ‘Give time,’ to Give energy’ and make that promise only if you’re prepared to focus on the consistent action and devotion that your ‘promise’ will need to create your vision.

If you don’t want to do the work, then out of respect…

Leave well alone!

 Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What it means to be your mother

Happy Sunday all,

What it means to be your mother

roses-66527_1280It’s mothering Sunday in the UK and although I was originally going to talk on another topic today, I guess as the energy of the day is predominantly about appreciation for our mothers. I’ve decided that it would be a good thing and an appropriate thing for me to reflect on this area of my life as it colours every facet of every decision I make, every action I take and every word I speak. All are defined by the fact that I am a mother.

 manuscript-203465_1280A personal note

It occurred to me though that rather than define motherhood universally and discuss it from a distant, third-person perspective, I’d prefer to write a more personal note to my children and tell them what it means to me and has meant to be their mother. If what I have to say here resonates with you feel free to plagarise my words and let your own children know what they and being a mother to them means to you.

Where to start?

As a dear friend of mine always says…

’Indeed!’

Where do I start?

To Ella, Jake & Lily…

Being your mother has been THE most amazing, challenging, frightening, exhausting, exhilarating, hilarious, frustrating, heartbreaking poignant and beautiful journey I have undertaken.

wooden-boat-258953_150From the very beginning, being your mother meant being the best example of the values I hold to be true so that you could emulate them. I have always been determined to ‘walk my walk’ and not just ‘talk the talk.’ It is vital to me that I ‘show you how.’ The thing I strive for the most, is to one day have you three look at me with pride and say ‘That’s my mum…isn’t she amazing?’ You see your approval means the world to me. To know that the people I brought into the world acknowledge that I did all I could and they’re OK is all I wish for.

pregnancy-466129_1280The pleasure and the pain

From the moment each of you made the fluttering inside my womb, creating the feeling of nervousness and butterflies, the feeling that said ‘I’m here and I’ll see you soon’ to the moment you were placed across my breast and in my arms and until I leave this earthly plane you will receive nothing but my undying love and unconditional acceptance.

Being a mother is fraught with contradictions and expectations of what we are and should be. I have had to be strong and gentle, critical yet supportive, friend but at the same time mentor and guide, we’re cast as Madonnas, perfect and untouchable, yet we’re expected to be relate-able and ordinary at the same time.

In the beginningmother-429158_1280

In the beginning what it means to be your mother meant willing myself back from total and complete exhaustion and with you Lily potential death as I shook and trembled after giving birth. My body so truamatised it threatened to go into shock and the midwife and doctor rushing to do what they needed to avoid me fitting and slipping into unconsciousness. I was unable to hold you in your first few minutes of life because being a mother then meant maintaining my own.

What it means to be your mother…

It means becoming a willing vessel from which you get your source of life. It means for at least a year, you used my body so yours could be sustained, maintained and thrive, regardless of energy, or nourishment, or sleep or wellbeing every calorie or vitamin my body possessed became yours…

2014-04-29 18.46.39It means I got to marvel at your fearlessness as each of you fought to ‘get on with life’ and crawl, walk, read, feed yourselves say your first word, hold a pencil, make friends I was grateful to get to see all these firsts. The desire and determination to move forward you showed, despite falling down so so many times taught me perseverance.

From you I learnt to laugh more and be more, iron less and sing more. From you I learnt to give myself permission to be ‘authentically me,’ I had to if I wanted you to learn how to be that for you too.

What it means to be your mother…

It means I got to comfort you when you were sad or the others were mean to you or left you out. I got to remind you how amazing you are and to hug you. It means I cheered from the sidelines (too loudly for you Jake I know!) of Netball and football matches with hot flasks and sandwiches in biting gales and with wet, soggy feet, but nevertheless feel my chest swell with immense pride at your efforts, win or lose.

girls-204323_150It means accepting your right to independence and that you don’t always need me. Making sure you didn’t see how sad I was that you no longer wanted to kiss me before you ran into school, or to have me drop you off, but go it alone on the bus…but at the same time being relieved and proud because it meant you were OK… you were finding your feet and becoming the wonderful you that you are today.

What it means to be your mother…

It means enduring your hatred when I wouldn’t let you do what you wanted to do. It means I had to be resolute, knowing that my duty to you was to do my best for you, do what’s right and that my obligation is to be your guide and that means I can’t always be your best friend.

heart-297313_150It means enduring the humiliation of having to receive a hand out in order to eat and having my heart pierced with Ice and break in to million tiny pieces as you look at me in disgust.

It means surviving… surviving so I could be some kind of a mother, knowing that no matter what you needed a mother, needed ME to be your mother, when it becomes life-threatening to mother you in the same space as you.

It means making choices… choices which mean either outcome is unbearable to contemplate, yet still having to make that choice and making one that you think will benefit your children the most, regardless of the outcome for myself.

What it means to be your mother

It means suffering the anguish of not being able to create holiday memories with you. It means being maligned and criticised and it means swallowing the painful lump of shame as potentially my children and others look at me and think “She’s obviously a bad mother!” without any knowledge of the reality..

There’s so much more I could say, so many examples of what it means to be your mother but I think for the sake of brevity I had best leave it here.

coast-631925_1280What it means to be your mother…

What it means to be your mother is to hold undying and unconditional love in my heart and mind for each of you until the breath leaves my body. It means I will always be your fiercest champion and tireless support.

It means I will advise you and encourage you to always do the right things even though there may be an easier way. It means being the best example of what it means to be human that I can be and to persist in this example for you no matter the consequence. It means being the template from which you fashion your suit, it means being the footsteps that went before and guiding you with a steady firm hand, but knowing when to let you go.

 In closing…

love-544408_1280It means learning to surrender my ego or needs and to learn to trust…both myself and my life’s process and in so doing come to learnt to trust the same thing for you. It means I was fearless when the reality was I was fearful. I means I had to learn to strike a balance between being lax and pleasing you for fear you wouldn’t like me anymore and setting boundaries and limits…firmly and I hope always with love, so that you could develop strong and straight

It means I did this and will continue to do this regardless of whether or not we see each other, whether or not you choose to talk to me, whether to not you think I did my best, whether or not you approve of my life choices, whether or not I’m rich enough, or pretty enough or whatever enough you think you need me to be for your approval.

It means that I love you

 It means I am your Mother

Blissings and much love always

 Ma x

Lovesick

Happy Sunday all,

Lovesick

2014-07-05 05.59.11One of my greatest moments of sadness is when I stand in front of a class of children and through the conversation I realise they do not love themselves. Like rest of us in society they are already ‘lovesick.’ I say ‘lovesick.’ because they have caught the bug and it’s  making them (and us) sick. It’s the thought that they’re not loveable, they’re not ‘good enough’ to be loved for who they/we truly are that is making us ill.

Our relationships and especially our love relationships are opportunities for us to decide who we are and choose who we want to be. If we assume (and I know this is true for me), we are here as creators, our relationships are a powerful vehicles which give us the chance to decide, as Neale Donald Walsche says:

“What part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.”

You did this…Oh yes you did!

you-151415_150In my experience of life and relationships I have learnt that our dealings with others are a space in which we have an opportunity to choose and to create ourselves in our own vision. However the reality for most of us is very different. The biggest challenge we face is accepting that ‘we,’ yes ‘we’ created our state of ‘lovesickness’ whatever situation we may mind ourselves in.

It’s not deliberate you understand and I for one am not exempt. Most of us look to find that ‘perfect one.’ The one that ‘completes’ us the ‘special one’ who makes us feel whole. This is the ideology that we feed into and which is re-inforced by the messages we receive every day.

Oh My gosh!

They just changed… they’re not the same anymore

How much pressure is that for our significant other? In not wanting to disappoint they/we try to be and do he things we know our partner says they ‘want’ and ‘need’ (both words which come from a place of ‘lack’ by the way!). We see our relationship as a place where we should be what we think the ‘other’ needs. We then spend so much time bending and shaping ourselves like a pretzel into our idea of what we think they want that we end up not knowing which way is up, who we are, or what we think we want to be.

mask-178262_150Finally, we get to a point where we can no longer keep up the pretence. It wasn’t deliberate, you understand, but eventually there’s the realisation that who we’re being in this relationship is not the ‘me’ we choose to project, the ‘authentic’ being that is expressing in a way that is acceptable to our soul and so we have no choice but to show our ‘real’ selves.

Our significant ‘other’ then says ‘we’ve changed.’ and I guess what? We have because we are now reclaiming our true selves and acting authentically, finally listening to the whisperings of our soul.

Giving up…giving in

It can take a few of these experiences before we realise that we’re going about it all wrong. When this happens most of us either settle for our lowest expectation or nurse the idea that we are fine with nothing at all. We choose companionship, give up on our highest and grandest vision of ourselves, we settle. The energy and vibrancy of youthful expectation has now diminished, (in most cases disappeared) and our passion, sexual enthusiasm and expression are now merely dying embers. We’re somewhere between our late 30s and our 60s and we’re tired!

 Relationships never really fail

walk-932965_1280This state of  being lovesick causes the relationship to end and one or other, or both’s feelings turn to resentment and then comes the anger!

Relationships ‘fail’ only because we stepped into them for the wrong reasons, not because (as is commonly thought), that they didn’t produce what we thought we wanted. In the main, most of us are looking for what we can get out of a relationship when we enter into it, instead of thinking what can we ‘add to’ it.

The only reason to have relationships is to decide who you really are and to choose to express that self through your reactions, thoughts and deeds.

The paradox

There is no need for A.N. Other to express who you are, however without that ‘other’ we are nothing as we have nothing against whose speech, actions  and reactions we can choose to express.

Therein lies the paradox.

What most of us do however is create our dream according to the needs, thoughts and desires (or so we think) of or beloved other instead of the needs, thoughts and desires of our selves. And so we are not a state of love and loving, but of being ‘lovesick.’

We spend our time measuring how well the other lives up to our expectations and how well we live up to theirs, when really we should test our relationships according to how well we live up to our own ideas of ourselves!

Worry only about yourself and how much you can give.

It’s of no consequence what the other is doing, being, having, thinking, planning, saying…what matters is what you are being in relation to that

Radical thinking…

The most loving person is the most Self-centred.

If you cannot love yourself then you cannot love others. So let’s get well, stop falling into ‘lovesick’-ness, stop seeing ourselves through the love of another. These may sound like familiar thoughts:

‘If I can love them then they will love me;

If I can please others then they will like me;

If I am loving towards others they will think I am loveable.’

We feel there is no-one that loves us. As a result we experience the reverse; Our thoughts become ones of self-hate (lovesick) because:

 The truth is you will never truly accept the love of another until you love yourself.

balloon-104609_640So, for this week (and the weeks to come) make your focus one of loving yourself. Speak gently to yourself, forgive yourself, accept who you are remember we’re simply learning lessons and being given opportunities to decide who and what we choose to be.

We’re her to experience who and what we really are. Who you are is who you choose to show yourself as according to the influence of everything that you experience.

So choose wisely…

Choose Authenticity

Choose YOU!

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel x

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