An Apology

Happy Sunday all,

‘Brexit’ or ‘Were you trippin?’

As a ‘Brit’ I exercised my Franchise on Friday, marked my little ‘X’ and made the choice that I felt was the best on for ALL the people who inhabit this Island Called the United Kingdom.

Yet, the result was one which left me reeling.

So…

I have decided to add my opinion to the mix. It is not my intention to offend, upset or condemn anyone, we are all entitled to our opinions.

I apologise for not offering a longer missive today, but ‘life’ means I have things to attend to –

Yes I Do get up and write these on a Sunday Morning!

A humble and ordinary opinion – A heartfelt apology

My opinion, is that as an elder member of the society, I need to offer an apology. You see our young people are the ones who will inherit the Britain we just voted to disconnect from the wider collective that is The European Community. I, for one feel sightly ashamed, but also sad as I know many of those who voted to exit, did so from an emotional space, as a way of  protesting for many other reasons and forgot that the outcome doesn’t affect those who so vehemently call for your support anywhere near as much as it does YOU.

An opportunity

Change…’whoah’ it was scary.

Change always is isn’t it?

But this rocking of the ship could be a great opportunity if we see it as one.

It is an opportunity to really look into the divisions in our society, the rifts, the ‘disgruntlements’ and the disappointments and use that knowledge to create an even more just, more equal, more satisfied community.

Perhaps Britain will be great again… this time known across the globe as a country whose citizens picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and created a country in which the good of the collective seeped into every decision and every exchange.

An apology…

See why below:

 

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For those who may be struggling with their truth

Sad-FaceToday…

Today I am sad and miserable and blue

Today I am hurt and don’t know what to do

Today I grieve, I lost my greatest hero

Today I’m lost, I’m weary and low.

Today, I have no idea who I am

Today I am shaking, a soon-slaughtered lamb

I don’t know why I’m here, nor how I should be

I want to free myself

from always trying to be…

The best, the perfect, version of me

And…

Though I know, I’ll swell like a blimp, I wanna eat biscuits and bread and chips and Ice-cream and stuff it ALL down, coz you see feelings like these are alien to me.

I don’t know what to do, to express and let go I just don’t now how and it’s killing me slow

Today I want to be open and real and raw and wide and honest and open and true

Today… Can I give myself permission to spew

My a.u.t.h.e.n.t.i.c.i.t.y?

The hurt and regret for the Me, still unknown

The me wringing hands, confused and undone,

for the life I still seek, for the seeds not yet sown?

Will I have time?

question-1301144_1280

Today I wonder; When will it feel right?

But surely by now I shouldn’t be so uptight?

Today I wonder why, who, when, what, where and how?

Do I truly have the power to manifest the glory I vowed?

And

Though I know the theory and I feel it in my bones…

We are pure essence, pure beauty, pure connection, pure love,

It’s just out of reach, out of sync

So Remote…

Today I don’t want pity or sympathy or comfort or speech

Today, just for one day

I just want to be free

Of every expectation I’ve ever placed on me.

I want to sit by a lake in my fear and be soothed, open up to the breeze and admit

I don’t KNOW!

For today, I want to love me, snuggle up to myself & find the key…

Unlock the door to MY my talents, my gifts, my inner, my peace

the me I am waiting…

No, yearning to see

hands-423794_1280

And today

just for one day

This is ME…

This is the best, the very best I can be…

And Today

(perhaps just for today)

This…

is A-OK

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

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The Waiting Room

Happy Sunday All

buddha-709861_1280This morning as I meditated I asked for guidance about what I should share with you today, what came up was to share with you why I’m in the place I’m in…

You see, I find myself in a place or space in my life I call ‘The Waiting Room.’ I’m unable to work and I have to be still (but… I have so much to DO!)

We all know this place and I’m guessing most of us have been here, perhaps several times. This is a place where, when you’re in it you feel agitated and impatient.

The Waiting Room

girl-843076_1280The Waiting Room space feels like the expectation you have when you’ve handed in your notice and you’re waiting to go to the next job, but you’ve still got two weeks to go and you’ve pretty much handed over your responsibilities…

You’re treading water, as you see it and nothing much is happening. You’re impatient for the next phase of your career to start and you’re agitated.

It’s a similar feeling to when you’re in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy, your ankles are swollen, you’re tired and you ‘JUST WANT THE THING OUT!’ but that little blissing is still cooking and in fact these last few weeks are THE most important part of the process, for it is here that the little mite packs in the calories and packs on the bulk, so that s/he is strong enough to cope with being born.

OR…

Perhaps it’s a big contract and the ink hasn’t yet dried on it yet…you need to know the details, so you can co-ordinate the right team and ‘get stuck in,’ but you can’t get ahead of yourself just yet.

So, it is with The Waiting Room

This is a space of preparation, but most of us fail to recognise this and can react to it with frustration, impatience, upset maybe even anger.

No…No…No… No… No people!

Sad-Face

Journeys, waiting & frustrations

rue-d-anglais-238513_1280Now, I’m pretty certain most of us have been on a journey of some sort. I mean an actual train/bus/sea/plane journey. Journeys are synonymous with waiting, waiting and more waiting and if we’re not waiting we’re queuing. If you recall a time when you’ve been in a waiting room, you may recall some quite distinctive behaviour as you watch the others waiting alongside you.

  1. Some pace backwards and forwards as if this action alone will make the train/bus etc. arrive sooner
  2. Another is cross and mumbling about having to wait and how shoddy the systems are
  3. Another sits focused on the potential for missing the said bus/train and then because they’re so focused on NOT missing it they’re tense and agitated
  4. Another has left it to the last-minute and comes charging in minutes before the train is about to pull out creating a lot of bluster and noise as they do so and bumping into the poor old lady who needs time to get from the platform and mount the steps into the carriage

Another way?

its-your-choiceWhen our life’s journey places us in The Waiting Room, we could choose to react differently. We could do what the fifth person chooses to and that is… to choose to accept.

This is the person who sits calmly reading or simply daydreaming. They see The Waiting Room as a divine opportunity to catch a hold of themself and appreciate where they’ve been; a valuable transitory time to reflect and be excited about where they’re going.

You see, The Waiting Room is the place where you’re on the verge of something new. It’s a space in which another aspect of you or another chapter of your life is teetering and preparing to emerge. Yes PREPARING.  

The Earth is being dug up, the soil tilled and the furrows ploughed. The best possible conditions are being prepared for you so you can sow fresh seeds and for them to take firm root, germinate and grown into a ripe future.

Acceptance

spiral-1000771_1280When we allow ourselves to accept that the Waiting Room is where we are and love it as much at the exciting times of change we are on the path to accepting the more challenging times we are sure to meet too (the polishing you up times).

Acceptance is one of the Major Keys to YOUR joy and happiness

  • When you accept whatever comes you’ll be better more able to deal with wherever you are and whatever comes up for you.
  • Acceptance means you allow yourself to slow down and take stock, evaluate and get a clearer perspective of who you are, what you want, where you really want to go and how.
  • The more you practice acceptance of your situation, the more you accept the situations and situations of others.
  • In this way you come to accept yourself and all that you are too.
  • You recognise your talents and gifts and become awed by the knowledge that there is only one YOU, only ever will be this version of YOU EVER!

    And that is a wondrous thing…

There …my dear friend lays the path to your bliss.

 

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Compression

Happy Sunday all,

This post will be a brief one, but I just couldn’t, despite doctors orders, leave it too long before I communicated again. One thing to know about me is, that when the universe wants me to pay attention I will become ill in some way. Fortunately for me that hasn’t been too often, but when I need to attend to something or I need a ‘wake up call’ something happens to my physical body. I am then forced to slow down or stop and that’s when I start being really, really still.

macro-319237_1920In stillness, you know I’ve said it before, is when the ‘stuff’ comes up that we need to look at or work on. So, if you’re life feels ‘still’ or you’re ‘bored’ as my pupils are perpetually telling m they are, then be thankful, because you’re in a place of opportunity, a place where you can decide over again and choose differently if the ones you made to date haven’t served you.

You’re in a place where you can create your situation again and become NEW.

This is me: Feeling much like a pin-cushion and very sore!

IMAG1910You can’t do much without the use of your hands and fingers, so much of the last two weeks I have just been sitting or ‘doing’ at a very, v e r y s l o o o o o w pace.

I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome…

The Median nerve, which runs from the shoulder down the forearm and into the middle fingers, is being compressed. The nerve travels though the carpal tunnel. This tunnel is like an elastic band across the wrist that holds all those little bones and nerves in place so they’re not just bouncing around. The compression (soreness and swelling due to overuse)

As there now less room in this small space due to the swelling, there is more pressure on the bones and especially the nerves; less room for all that stuff to fit under the band. This causes numbness and pain in the fingers and at the wrist and in worsening and severe cases up the forearm and into the shoulder. Left unchecked it leads to the loss of strength and eventually permanent damage to the nerves meaning you lose the ability to manipulate or use your fingers. Not good!

Numbness

2014-04-29 18.35.30Doing anything involving my hands means I immediately experience more pain and numbness. Night times are the worst. The pain is excruciating and wakes me several times a night, but less about my suffering and back to the lessons it’s teaching me (and I said I’d be brief!)

On the physical, logical level it’s about repetitive strain from doing the same actions over and over, for a long, long time. Too much marking and heavy bag carrying and typing (which is why I need to make this brief)

According to Louise Hay – Who asserts that every physical manifestation is the result of thoughts and emotions we have had continuously over time and these thoughts and emotions have created a physical manifestation of those thoughts, she says:

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome: Anger and frustration at life’s seeming injustices.

I guess she could be right!

cropped-girl-863340_1280.jpgI have been very saddened by some of the things I see happening in today’s society, especially when the weak or poor or disadvantaged are being even more poorly treated or kicked around, but what I’m being reminded of in my stillness, is that my focus should always be to deal with what’s in front of me in the here and now.

To Focus on the trajectory and direction of My life and mine alone.

There’s no point worrying about what’s ‘OUT THERE’ or what ‘OTHERS’ are doing to the point where I become emotional about it.

  1. Because this means I am not being the Captain of my ship, my hand is not on the tiller of MY LIFE, so I’m not, therefore, steering my life, on purpose
  2. Usually too, it means I’m criticising or judging (albeit unintentionally) I will be unhappy with the actions or policies of some system or government or organisation and that is judging.
  3. These thoughts are creating negative energy
  4. waves-circles-285359_1280If I am the pebble and the universe is the lake into which I have been dropped then this energy is the energy that is rippling out in front of me.
  5. Those concentric rings surround the pebble and resonate out far beyond the physical boundary of the pebble. So this: judgement, criticism, holding back, resentment is the energy the pebble, (me/you) moves forward into. (I know the pebble will simply sink), but you get the analogy!
  6. ‘I’ am the pebble and I move forwards into that energy, into the minutes, days, months and years of my life; into the energy I created perhaps months or years ago and if I continue to focus on this energy, I add to those ripples making them stronger ripples, ripples that makes the surface of the lake choppier, rougher and harder to navigate.

So in closing; deal with YOUR here and now. Even if you have a mission to change the world it starts with YOU.

Your example, what you do, how you speak, what you say influences not only the trajectory of your future, but others too as they adjust their tiller and make their choices anew. So perhaps you will, simply by being in control your own thoughts and actions, indeed Change the world!

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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Letter to my younger self II

Happy Sunday all,

I ended up thinking of so many other things I could advise my younger self to do, say or be; that one post seemed wholly inadequate and so this week I’m sharing the second of my posts, advising the younger me on the surest pathway to authenticity, truth and happiness. As thoughts and insights whizzed and pinged in my brain, one insight kept re-winding and repeating over and over and that was:

“It’s about the people in our lives…choose wisely”

Dear Angel,

hands-1022028_1280In your early years you of course had no choice in the people in your life, but what I now realise is that good, bad or indifferent, they were our university. They were the mirrors that reflected back to us the qualities, habits and behaviours we could choose to adopt or ditch.

What we now realise we were doing was creating the woman we are today, sometimes as a reaction against the behaviours and habits in front of us, sometimes because of them. Either way they were valuable and helped us mould ourselves into whom we are today.

You did a good job, we’re not so bad really, I think we did OK!

It’s the people in our lives.. choose wisely

shadow-198682_1280As you grow into wisdom, choose carefully those people you have a round you. NEVER feel pressured to be with, follow or do the bidding of someone who is boosting their ego and lack of inner esteem by bullying others or putting them down.

The people around you should make you feel energised, light and supported. Not criticised, chastised or downright low after you’ve spent time with them. If you don’t feel like this, let them go if they’re friends, love them from a distance yourself if they’re family.

The Crowd

Don’t follow the crowd, unless the way their going is the one that’s right for you. In fact no…Just DON’T follow the crowd. EVER!

london-1018629_1280Firstly, it means you can’t see where you’re going and you have no control and secondly, you’ll waste years thinking you’re being ‘on trend’ or ‘with it’ only to find when the crown stops or the ‘trend’ dies out and you look around you’re not where you wanted to be.

Not only this, ‘trends’ have habit of constantly shifting and you’ll just get exhausted trying to keep up and who creates them anyway? Anyone who needs followers’ in order to feel good about themselves obviously feels lacking in some way, so what the hell do they have to offer you or anyone else if they don’t even have anything about themselves they believe in?

 

On Being ‘Sexy’

No amount of money or make-up or designer clothing will make you sexier, more loveable or more likeable…

Trust me on this one: THE absolute Sexiest thing in the world is someone who is confident in their abilities, likes who they are and is Comfortable in their own skin!

Now THAT is irresistible!

Elders

Spend time with them…

Your parents, your grandparents…

old-age-957492_1280

Our bodies may be ageing, but we still feel the same as we did when we were in our twenties. We now have a magical combination; the heart and sensibilities of a young person, coupled with the wisdom acquired from making mistakes, seeing others do the same and can advise you with insight. Not only that we love you more than you could ever know and hold nothing but your best in our hearts and minds for you. We would NEVER steer you wrong.

Health

I know it’s a cliché and everyone says it, but it’s a phrase becomes a cliché because it is consistently proven which is why people say them over an over again: But, Without your health, there is nothing.’

Health is the salt of life. It gives it flavour. Without it life is left tasteless and bland.

  • The first thing to do is Sleep. When we sleep we heal, when we get the sleep we need we are lighter, brighter, more creative.
  • Drink more Water, we’re still not the greatest at this, but we’re getting better. Dehydration ages you and causes you to feel lethargic and lacking in energy
  • Read more booksREAD, READ, READ there is SO much to know about life, people, love and everything.
  • I’d advise you to Stop drinking milk…Sorry but despite the culture and the norm it’s just no good for you.
  • Eat as much plant-based food as possible.
  • Be in nature whevever you can it’s soothing and calming and you’d be amazed the solutions that come to you when you’re surrounded by the lilting sounds of nature
  • De-clutter…It clears your mind and makes you feel lighter
  • Take care of your knees! No seriously, they’re so vital to the functioning of the rest of your physique.
  • Be Still… Find a way to turn your thoughts inward. Or just ‘Be’ in that space. By doing this you stay tuned to your inner navigation system, your intuition and learn to trust yourself and your decisions.
  • Be in the Sun…regularly and for extended periods of time, especially if you have Melanin. The sun makes everyone feel JOY.

And so in the end…

coast-631925_1280In closing Angel, my last words of advice to you would be to remember to open your heart. Remember no one ever died of a broken heart. You WILL recover and will be stronger, wiser and more grateful for the experience you have just been through.

So, for now, I think I’ve said all I need to.

Remember: You can’t control others, so don’t try to, don’t sweat the small stuff, really the little things don’t matter in the scheme of things and…

Look after your KNEES!

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

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Letter to my younger self

 

Happy Sunday All,

Dedicated to Ella, Jake, Lily, Brogan, Ben, Roya & Demi

old-letters-436501_1280I’ve had a week in which many younger people, presented their problems, concerns and issues to me and I found myself giving the best advice I could to support them and hoping it would be enough My response is generally to simply say what I know about life up to this point and share what I have learnt; when it occurred to me; If the younger version of me, my innocent and wide-eyed self was in front of me now, what would I say to her? How would I re-assure her that she’s OK and always will be? How would I convince her that she is talented and beautiful and unique?

 

So…

I decided today to write a letter to my younger self.

Dear Angel,

You’re only 17 and I remember you being wracked with a searing doubt about who you are and your worthiness right now. That’s OK because without doubt, we do not question ourselves and dig deep. When we do this, we are forced to make decisions about who we are and that’s a good thing.

hands-1283146_1280You see, we are malleable, like plasticine or clay…I guess that’s why the bible says we have feet of clay. The analogy is a good one because we DO indeed ‘shape’ ourselves. That shaping comes in the form of the choices we make in the face of the challenges and the upsets and the betrayals and the disloyalty and the mis-steps and the slip-ups. You see in those moments you get to decide which way you want to go, how you want to behave and who you CHOOSE to be. These are THE most valuable moments because you get to decide who & what you want to be in and to this world.

I’m very proud of you. You’ve become a kind and loving elder who has always looked to the good in others and this is all we need to do.

STUFF!

girl-worried-1215261_1280Yes, others may have been cruel, betrayed you, yes you were let you down and disappointed, yes you’ve been criticised, but that was “THEIR STUFF” don’t take it on. I admire that you knew instinctively what is right for us and you stick with always showing kindness and forgiveness.

For that reason you are still able to embrace life’s joys. You are not cynical or bitter, you are not a martyr or a victim. In fact you’re eternally hopeful believing that the life you dream of will is just around any and every corner.

In this letter to my younger self, I can’t stress enough that I’d like you to get this one much, much sooner than we did the first time round. we only got this in our 4th decade, so please if you do one thing NOW it’s this:

LOVE YOURSELF!

encourage-866765_1280No…Listen, I said LOVE YOURSELF. Accept yourself completely and make NO excuse for being yourself, your ‘less desirable’ attributes included. You can simply decide to work on them and change any that you think they are an issue for you.

I’d like you to completely get that you are SO amazing. We all are and the longer I am here and the more people I meet the more conviction I have in this belief and I know deep, deep in my heart that the blissings you receive are as a result of how you treat and speak to yourself and others.

Find your peace

Find a way to quiet your inner critic as soon as possible and speak to yourself as you would a beautiful new-born child. We are a grandmother now and our granddaughter is simply pure joy just because she exists. She doesn’t have to do anything or give anything she has nothing to prove she just is and in just being, she is perfect.

Remember we were a baby; we were perfect and needed to do and be nothing but who and what we are. But guess what?

vipassana-997076_1280

It’s still the same way.

We are all still adorable, still joy and have nothing to prove, nor anything we have to be, except to follow what are our ‘Happy challenges.’ I say challenges because we need the tension and the ‘grist’ to shape us and help us choose (Not too much ‘grist’ or drama now please!) but happy because it’s the feel good feelings that keep us feeling energised and replenished so we can continue to give.

Which brings me neatly to ‘giving,’ as this is the ‘Key’ to your happiness.

N.B. You give to YOURSELF first.

You tended to suffer from giving, giving, giving to others, and that’s a quality I greatly admire in you, but you were doing so out of a desire for approval and forgot about YOU. I said it before you are worthy, so are we all and so keep your glass full and in that way you have enough to share and there is still half a glass left for yourself. Fill yourself with experiences and sharing and loving and creative work and whatever makes you light up and then you have the best of yourself to share with others.

Travel…

sea-418742_1920If I have one regret it’s that we haven’t travelled as much as we both wanted. Circumstances I know, but regardless, take any and every opportunity to travel. You will feel expanded and learn self-reliance and this leads to the inner confidence and knowing, truly knowing you will always be OK.

People

Ooh this is a biggie!

You cannot control another, so don’t even try.

Just as we are creating who we are, so others are creating themselves. The only thing you can do in any of your relationships is be your best version of yourself.

Be the self you choose and then choose again according to the choices, actions and reactions of others.

That’s the ‘dance,’ nothing more, nothing less

be-423796_1280If you feel an action you are taking is ‘right’ and honourable, (honours you and your moral code and respects them) and I stress the ‘honourable,’ then make no apology for it. You have a right to be YOU; you have a right to your choices for your life.

Have high standards for yourself and others and NEVER apologise for them or bend yourself into a pretzel to please others and what they think they want you to be. More often than not this springs from their own feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.

Sure there will be ties when you are alone as you transition from one circle to another, but you WILL find those kindred spirits who love you for who you are and do not need or want you to change yourself to ‘fit in.’

Don’t do it! EVER…

  • Be resolute and stick to what is right for YOU.
  • Do good
  • DO right

You KNOW what’s right… Yes you do, you know that inner feeling that sharp pinch that you get inside if you do or say something that’s cruel or wrong, so avoid having to feel it. Just don’t do it. Choose right always.

This letter to my younger self I now realise needs another chapter. So, for today I will leave you to contemplate the loving words I send to you as you step into your 18th year.

I love you, Enjoy life and know you are worthy you will be OK.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Fun and Play

Happy Sunday All,

This will probably be a brief message today as I’m writing it in between ‘Gramamma’ duties. Cherub’s asleep and I’m pretty whacked, but earlier this week I realised that my 17 week-old angel had taught me a lesson. It was a lesson in why we should hold onto our sense of fun and play.

‘But we’re adults’ you scream, not children…Children PLAY!

A Spring in your step

freedom-307791_1280Yes, indeed they do, but as I played with my cherub I re-connected with many feelings I had forgotten about and left behind in childhood and it felt good.

I realised too that after having fun and play with our bundle of joy, I felt better. Sometimes I felt renewed and refreshed sometimes more peaceful and at other times I had ideas and felt more creative.

By far and away the biggest benefit I experience and the one that is very, very, very important to me is the deeper connection that takes place when I play with her.        Through our playing together there’s an exchange of affection and love.

Connectedness

girls-462072_1280We dare to look directly into each other’s in eyes and share a mischief or joke, and as we do so we recognise we are connected and that we love another. I am convinced that having fun and playing could help many couples who find themselves becoming distant from the reasons they connected and committed to one another in the first place.

There is a ‘feel good’ factor and the laughter generated (I have since learnt) releases endorphins. These endorphins create that lovely. ‘gooey’ sense of well-being and according to researchers can even relieve pain temporarily.

 

  1. Relaxation & Improved relationships

  • Feeling an increased relaxation after fun and play is another benefit that we, in these times of stress and pressure will most definitely benefit from. I mean when was the last time you ‘REALLY’ felt relaxed after having a good old ‘belly laugh?’ or collapsed in a heap of chuckles and satisfaction in the middle of a game with a friend or your partner or colleague? How much more improved would our communication and relationships be if we gave ourselves permission to have fun and played a little more?
  1. hand-782688_1280Trust and Compassion:

  • Sharing a good laugh with someone, creates increased feelings of trust and connectedness. Not only that the increased connection means improved compassion and ease between two people, This will surely make it easier to discuss those more challenging topics when they DO come up won’t it?
  1. Deeper more effective connection:

  • The greater feelings of compassion will mean there’s an increased effort to understand and be patient with one another and this ease means you’re more likely to come up with a creative solution to any issues you have to deal with. An ideal environment to cultivate whether it be in the home or in the workplace wouldn’t you say?
  1. magic-cube-1167224_1280Creativity and increased Stimulation:

  • We know that having fun and play is vital for successful development in children. But we all (and not just children) learn better if things are ‘fun’ for us to learn. Being more relaxed and playful means we’re better able to absorb information and stimulate our imagination, which means more effective and creative problem solving.
  1. Keeps you YOUNG!

  • When I have fun and play with my granddaughter I feel renewed and less fatigued than before. This I am sure is the same for anyone, so if for no other reason, having fun and playing is like drinking from the fountain of youth. Less wrinkles, more energy and an ever youthful ‘spring in your step!’blindfolded-37705_1280

There is saying attributed to George Bernard Shaw which says:

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.’

Challenges? I’m too busy having fun!

I’m sure if I did some research I’d find a whole host of other benefits and reasons to have fun and play., but I hope that the five I’ve discovered will convince you to make time to play.

toddler-878749_1280Life has its challenges, so why not’ ‘lighten up’ and nurture your inner child. Try it! I assure you, your week, your job, you home life will be better if you inject a little more fun and play into it this week.

Why not give it a go and let me know how you get on?

What have you got to lose?

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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When you’re done

Happy Sunday All,

There’s an incredible exhalation and settling into yourself that takes place when you finally realise that

When you’re done, you’re done!

let-it-be-594529_1280Oprah has a saying: “Let go and let God,’ and for some reason it’s a phrase that has stayed with me for over a year after first hearing. After wrestling with a challenge that for so many years I seemed to ‘get wrong’ and despite effort and meditation and all kinds of ‘spiritual’ methods, I just couldn’t seem to find a solution to.

Frustration

despair-862349_1280It was a situation that drained and exhausted me and left me feeling wanting and inadequate. All around me others seemed to master this issue, it seemed to come to them relatively easily, they manifested the solution and continued to do so, yet for some reason this eluded me. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how kind or cheerful (putting out positive energy into the universe, knowing it would be returned to me), no matter how much detachment I exercised or how many times I focused on my vision and tapped into ‘positive’ feelings to go with it.

As you can imagine this was not only a source of frustration, but a source (despite using every fibre of my being to keep up an equilibrium and stay aligned to the spiritual beliefs I hold true) of a shame and feeling of unworthiness that piqued and left me feeling like a fraud.

You know you know

rock-403773_1280You see I knew, in the very fibre of my being, that “The law of attraction.” That “What you put out you get in return;” I knew, just KNEW, that all these pillars of my beliefs were not empty epithets. That these practices worked and was universal and true for ALL of us, so if that was the case why wasn’t I getting the results I envisioned? Why was I still challenged by this state of affairs? Why was I still rolling that immense boulder uphill?

One day…I became angry.

That’s another thing. Many of us who are walking through this life on a ‘Spiritual’ pathway have no idea what to do with anger. Indeed we often deny it or suppress it, we feel ashamed that we even feel it, because aren’t we on a path to enlightenment and shouldn’t ‘feel’ like this? We are an ‘examples’ to others of grace and calm and acceptance aren’t we?

But I was P*ssed! To say the least!  (excuse the Vernacular!)

I was done!

And when you’re done –  you’re done!

I’d  come to the end of my tether; I had no rope left;

SO…

I let go…

2014-04-29 18.35.30The space of ‘When you’re done, you’re done’ is a place where you discover you have no fight left. You give up pushing and the same obstacle around the same old track, you give up fighting the same fight…

You’re so sick and tired and tired and sick of hearing yourself:

  1. Saying the same old things,
  2. Moaning the same old moans,
  3. Complaining about the same old complaints….

On…and on…and on…and on…and on

If you’re actually bored with yourself and angry with that incessant, chattering, vile voice in your head.

That’s when you know you’re done and…

When you’re done…you’re done!

It’s a strangely liberating feeling.

YOU LET GO and as Oprah says: “YOU LET GOD

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No! I haven’t suddenly had a religious conversion, you understand, the phrase simply serves to illustrate the point that you ‘GIVE UP & GIVE IN’ and in the process of letting go you give yourself permission:

  • Permission to stop feeling guilty – That you’re not where you should be, or done what you think you should have ‘by now!’
  • Permission to feel the immense, delectable peace that comes with ‘letting go.’ Letting go of the trials and the fight, letting go of the pushing and the challenge and the strain and the effort and the suffering.
  • Permission to allow another solution to manifest and open up for you
  • Permission to sleep more and cry less, to breathe more deeply and eat less (great for improving the waistline.)
  • You give yourself permission to relax more and focus on what you DO want instead of what you don’t
  • Permission to ‘flow’ and let go control
  • Permission to be more authentic, more real, more you; no excuses and no apologies.

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Consider this:

  • Is there some area in your work or life or relationship(s) that deep down you know you’re ‘flogging the proverbial dead horse?’
  • Is S/he not going to shift their position…they’ve told you so over and over again – BELIEVE THEM!
  • Is S/he not going to change though they keep promising? Do you know deep down it will take years even if they did? How much more time can you afford to invest in the situation? the relationship, in them?
  • Is the bureaucracy/bullying/ at work not going to ease off any time soon?
  • Will that friend not change and become more enlightened and kind and accepting of others? Have they told you ‘this is who they are’ but you keep trying to control the situation the outcome, the person?

Do you recognise any or all, of the above? If you do

STOP

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It’s a clear sign you’re done

Liberation

children-214437_150Letting go and knowing that you’re done is the most liberating thing that can happen to you. There’s a physical release, a relaxing of the ‘holding,’ a letting go of the tension.

You get to focus instead, of what you don’t want, on channelling your energy clearly on what you DO want,

So too, with your feelings you begin to see that there are some you want to own and others you’d happily ditch…

  • You’re learning
  • You’re growing
  • You’re done

Elsa-FrozenIn being ‘done’ you re-focus your energy and recover your verve. Yes, you may have to do a bit of ‘facing up.’ And taking responsibility, after all, YOU made the choices you did, but along with this is an immense exhalation and a sinking into the space you should have occupied all along.

Here… you create and dream and wait and in the waiting your intuition tells you when and how you can now choose to be FREE.

Happy Easter all

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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Shame

Happy Sunday All,

This week I seemed to discover a number of people both in my home and work lives who were, it’s become clear, walking in a cloud;  They were, I discovered, walking under a cloud. A cloud which caused them to lower their heads, a cloud which makes them constantly compare themselves to others and come up wanting, a cloud which sapped them both of their energy and their power.

A cloud called SHAME.’

shame-799095_1280The trouble with shame is, it’s great at disguising itself. It wears many different cloaks and so is often not recognised for what it is. This leads to it being ignored, mis-treated or dismissed. This week I have seen shame show up as grief, as self-loathing and as guilt and failure, yet at the root what each person was really desperately trying to deal with was SHAME.

What the experts say

Psychologists have identified that many of our negative behaviours come, not from guilt, but from shame. There are of course degrees of shame. Feeling embarrassment or shy, are perhaps the less damaging lighter end of the shame spectrum; indeed in some social circumstances, perhaps we need to feel these less deeply-rooted, less insidious versions of shame, but shame becomes a serious and incredibly dangerous emotion when it becomes tied to our self-image.

The root of the problem

root-1013564_1280As with anything, which can destroy us; shame invariably takes hold in infancy. Those children, who have been criticised incessantly, punished severely or cruelly; neglected, abused or suffer abandonment receive a message that they don’t fit in the world and that they are deficient in their ‘being’ not for what they’re ‘doing.’ They develop low self-esteem and those with low self-esteem are often oversensitive and afraid.

Their fears focus on ‘getting things wrong’ or not knowing the ‘rules of the game’ which manifest as embarrassment or humility on the one hand to social phobias and disorders, abuse, rage, bullying and a range of other personal and social issues on the other and all of them mask the deep-seated root of the problem.

So what’s the difference?

flowers-182312_1280Guilt is different, a message that you ‘DID’ something wrong. This means that you’re able to make amends or correct the error, but with shame the thought is that YOU are wrong. The message is one that you do not ‘fit’ and are inferior or inadequate.

Guilt is how a psychologically healthy person responds when who realise they have done something wrong. To feel guilt helps us act more responsibly the next time around and positively make good on what it is we have done.

Feeling Guilty means – We can correct it…

But shame has a tendency to direct us towards destructive behaviours when we try to drown out, push down or obliterate our feelings of disgrace and shame, or to other destructive behaviours, such as intimidation, rage and abuse to transfer our feelings of shame to others.

When we’re convinced that we are wrong in our core because of the shame we are feeling, we destroy our healthy sense of self.

Stop blaming yourself

A New EndingEach of the people I spoke to or heard about this week were experiencing a depression of sorts and as they spoke to me about their feelings It occurred to me that each of them had adopted the idea somewhere that they were intrinsically ‘NO GOOD’ that somehow they were not loveable, they were not acceptable, that something about them was abhorrent.

One had suffered abuse as a child, one had lost a parent at a young age and the other was experiencing a transition, a downturn in their business fortunes, yet despite glaringly different situations, as each of them spoke it became clear that they were connected by the feelings they had about themselves.

The more we talked the more it became clear they each were experiencing feelings of shame. Each had acquired a form of depression as a result…

 

Now, I was confused.  Why?

You see it was obvious to me that whatever their situation was or had been they (especially the first two) were powerless to prevent them.

So, why were they blaming themselves?

Why were they convinced that the fault lay with them?

Why were they unable to see that it was their abusers and persecutors who’s own feelings of shame had led then to act out and transmute their feelings of self-loathing into harming them.

Stepping up to life can be fearful...What's next?

It’s the expectations

The other thing I noticed when talking to each of them that the source of their happiness (or rather lack of it) came not from the reality of what they were experiencing, but from an ideal they thought they SHOULD be living but weren’t.

The point of this post is really to get across to anyone reading this who is blaming themselves for things that have taken place and yet were beyond their control.

IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT!

2014-10-04 08.11.16I’m spelling out here what became so obvious to me during my conversations. You are not and I repeat not inherently abhorrent or shameful or disgraceful. None of us are.

How we feel about ourselves is directly linked to what we think we are, what we think we should do, where we think we should be and what we think we should have achieved. The feelings of dissatisfaction that come up when these expectations don’t match the reality we find ourselves living are what creates our pain, or dissatisfaction our guilt and our shame.

Let’s stop torturing ourselves eh? Let’s NOT focus on what we haven’t done or where we don’t find ourselves and switch our attention to what we HAVE achieved.

Shift your focus to the things you are grateful for in the now, and not on where you think you should be but aren’t. Reflect on your achievements in life so far and really appreciate who and what you are TODAY, now, in THIS very moment

Uniquely, beautifully and originally YOU

vipassana-997076_1280You see, of the billions of people on the planet, of all the people who have EVER been or ever WILL be there is and only ever will be one you.

YOU, yes you, are a beautiful, UNIQUE, a rare, gift, a one-off, a wonderful being.

You DO NOT deserve to feel ONE moment of shame…so please believe what I know is true, that you’re whole, that the only thing you are and should be unapologetically, is the wonderful essence that is YOU

For today and every day…

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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Motherhood

Happy Mothering Sunday All,

So Cliché…

mother-429158_1280At first I wasn’t going to be so cliché as to talk about motherhood. After all there will be a glut of missives and articles on the subject today. Then I realised I was ‘bucking the trend’ out of a wish to be different and not ‘do as others do.’ A rather pathetic reason for NOT doing anything I decided so here’s my take on and ‘Thank-You’ message to Mothers, those who are in the act of ‘mothering’ and an homage to the state of Motherhood.

Short…but I hope, SWEET

Today’s post will be a short one, for as a mother and grandmother I have more of it to get on with and like you want to really enjoy the legacy of my children & their children.

So… Motherhood.

What does it mean?

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Elizabeth Stone seems to quite succinctly express my sentiments on motherhood when she says:

“having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

The thought that forever, my children have some of me my own cells, my DNA, (whether they like it or not), in their body…always is mind-blowing. To know that I carry pieces of them, for an eternity, inside me, wherever I go, is the warmest and most deeply connected feeling in the entire universe and when I look at my children, I know I did something good with my life.

Wrong…wrong…wrong

Each experience of motherhood is unique to the individual, yet if you pay attention to the media and society’s expectations of mothers you’d think there was a set of ‘golden rules,’ a code for us all to follow and if we don’t we are subject to some appalling criticism.

mourning-360500_150So, for much of the time motherhood is fraught and tense. We have daily reminders of how our mothering impacts the life chances and futures of our children. Just last week, in the staffroom, (one of our colleagues is pregnant) we got to discussing how guilty we feel as mothers and no matter how we do it or what we do, it’s never enough or there’s something wrong.

Motherhood is feeling guilty much of the time and carrying a heavy burden of responsibility the rest of it.

There is the perpetual fear of ‘getting it wrong’ even though you know all you can do is:

‘the best you can do!’

From the heart

IMG-20160122-WA0000Motherhood for me has meant having my heart expand to it’s very limits and beyond. Expand to the point where I thought it might burst and yet somehow I found even more love, even more protective instinct, even more nurturing essence and even more strength than I could have ever imagined.

Motherhood means you’re in a constant state of surprise!

mother-434355_1280You are surprised by the number of times you are criticised and vilified, yet all every cell in your being wants to do is encircle the screaming demon who is spitting venom in your arms and love them and let them know it’s alright.

You are surprised by your resilience and strength and overwhelmingly raw, fierce “She-Bear” protective instinct. If you’ve seen the Leonardo Di Caprio film ‘The Revenant,’ then you know what I mean…it’s exactly like that! –

DON’T MESS WITH MY BABIES!

Motherhood means:

  • You are completely taken aback by the fearlessness you find within you as you feign confidence because you know they depend on you and need to feel safe and protected, even though you’re scared stupid!
  • You are amazed by your loving dedication and persistence as oftentimes you are overwhelmed exhausted & confused yet you get up and do it all over again the very next day

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  • You are surprised by your selflessness as you gently encourage them to experience the world and support them to independence even though the thought of it fills you with fear because you know how cruel and unforgiving ‘out there’ can be, but you do it because it’s best for them; even though your fiercest and most powerful instinct is to wrap them up safe and keep them close to you.
  • You are awed by your selflessness, which seems to come so easily.

Motherhood is:

‘Willingly giving up the last piece of the pie even though you’re hungry.’

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This is some of what motherhood means to me, I’m sure your experience is no less surprising and scary and beautiful. But, regardless of what our differences may be I know that we are is doing:

‘The most wonderfully Human thing we could possibly do.’

Thank you to all our Mothers!

Blissings & Much love!

Insightful Angel

 

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A Journey back to love