Potential

I have been told many times that I have ‘Potential.’

The Stars… Potential

You can imagine how frustrating it is then to feel that I’ve never quite achieved that so often noted potential. Life seems so have been one, never-ending merry-go-round ride of resistance, under achievement and frustration. Despite working consistently hard, diligently and at times as if I was the great god Hercules himself, I somehow find myself back scrabbling around in life and patently aware that…

  • I am not living my best life,
  • I’m not realising my potential,
  • I’m not living and working ‘on purpose’ and definitely
  • I’m not seeing that purpose translate itself into Abundance: material, financial, spiritual or emotional.
  • I’m not serving in as great a way as I know I am able  

So, what the hell is going on? From what I read in blogs and various news feeds it would appear I’m not alone in experiencing these feelings. BUT…

How do we break the cycle?

How do we show up and step into the version of ourselves we know we can be?

Because girl, I sure as hell ’aint got it down yet!

It’s in this space that I find myself. I’m sure some of you can relate?

As a black woman in a white world you’re not expected to have potential. In fact, your potential is more often than not a threat or a problem. At times, even others within your own cultural context see your ambition and striving as you getting ‘above yourself,’ your ambition appears too persistent, too lofty.

On the other hand, when you are consistently speaking your vision into being and yet somehow you’re still incapable of getting within touching distance of your vision, even you can be forgiven for dismissing that oft quoted ‘Potential’.

It’s excruciatingly painful not being able to fully feel your power, to inhale the fullest expression and your truth.

Black Woman, Potential, confident.
Black Woman… confident, Expressing truth

Much of the black woman’s experience is one of containment. Well, in my experience and those of my friends, this is what I observe. I’m talking mostly of those black women of my generation ( those of us who are somewhere between mid 40s and our late 50s) who were almost exclusively fertilised in the soil of a White Western Cultural Context. It’s been a socialisation that mostly denies who we are and what we’re capable of achieving.

  • Denies the inherent Goddess nature of our spirit
  • Denies the wisdom and power of our ancestry
  • Denies our connectedness to Mother Earth.
  • Denies that we are Original Woman, from whence All huemankind originated.

As such, those of us who have reached the lofty heights of a fulfilled life often do so against insurmountable odds and doesn’t society just love that narrative? It’s one of the limited roles we’re allowed to wholly inhabit.

The strong black woman rising against adversity, beating the odds is one of those tropes that make for great tearjerker movies and reinforces the stereotype that we do not need emotional support. Instead we inhabit a world where we are stoic and resolute, we have no need of sisterly support, we have no need of our men and their protection, we have no need for fair and equal consideration because we can get there anyway, despite the challenges, despite the trials… all on our own!

This and other nefarious tropes we are allowed. I’m talking about ones such as; the single black woman or the angry black woman. These are the limited templates we are allocated and they’re socially ingrained. As a result, society and its systems deliberately limit our opportunities and access on all fronts so that we have no option but to fit one or other of them.

If we don’t then we’re simply dismissed.

Quite frankly “Mi tyad a dem!”

They say to write well, you should write what you know and what I know is being black, female, a mother, a grandmother teacher and proud descendant of my ancestral lineage, yet at the same time displaced, not fitting and not even in possession of my original name.

I am a humanitarian and proudly descendent of the continent called Afrika; a seeker a peacemaker, a teacher and idealist. As such @Notes on a Lazy Sunday will lean in a slightly different direction.

At times it may be controversial and provocative, at others cuddly and warm either way you are at liberty to comment, discuss, argue or agree and at the very least share with someone who may be similarly illuminated or enraged by the content. Isn’t that the great thing about social media, anyone can comment?

Well, back to the limiting templates I mentioned earlier: Let’s examine them shall we?

Now there’s nothing wrong with being single you understand, but when I notice it seems disproportionate to other groups in society, It gets me a-thinking and a-musing.

The Black woman and her features are coveted, but only deemed acceptable or beautiful when attributed to women of other races. The full lips and hips, the almond eyes, the small waist and high, tight, full bosom, the copper, coffee, cinnamon, vanilla-choco-latte complexions (god forbid not the cocoa or ebony hues though…lawd Jesus NO!) are all deliciously coveted.

The wrinkleless, smooth skin, muscular definition lustily sougth after and acquired via artificial enhancements by many are rarely (if ever) deemed to be ‘acceptable’ if your skintone veers towards the cocoa/ebony/onyx end of the pantone chart.

And so, society slowly and consistently, with a drip, drip, drip programmes men, women, girls and boys into the notion that beauty is defined by a white/creamy/Latte colour chart. Result: Black men and boys disproportionately (at least in my experience of the UK) and increasingly marrying white/creamy/latte coloured women.

White men marry white/creamy and Latte coloured women. There is always the ODD exception who will step over into the territory inhabited by the duskier hued beauty and the men of other races and cultures invariably marry within their own cultural and religious groupings.

Another result of this programming is that some of our white/creamy/latte coloured girls and women subconsciously see themselves as superior. (I know…that old chestnut! – well, guess what it’s still happening) – It’s not overt, but subtle; in ways that they communicate, or assume they go first or that they should be the one’s approached if men are around.   

And so, you have the creation, on masse of the ‘Single Black Woman:’

  • The strong independent black woman – Single
  • The single parent black woman – Single
  • The ambitious, educated black woman (Corporate) – Single
  • The adventurous entrepreneur black female – Single

Some of us lament the situation. Others of us are saddened by it. There are those of us who have given up and become sexually and emotionally anorexic. With no meaningful relationships in which to test or sharpen our emotional selves and not being taught by our mothers and grandmothers that it’s okay to feel, we deny our sisterhood, suffer in silence and alone. We ignore each other’s plight, choosing instead to perpetuate the dysfunctional cycle.

The Angry Black woman

What our men and society fail to realise is most of us have had so many hurtful experiences in both life and love that: we’re not angry…

We’re F*@%ing hurt!

Beyond imagining. And it’s not just our hurt we carry. But the epigenetic traumas passed through our DNA from the kidnap, rape and torture of slavery to the humiliation and denial of our being today.

We’re not allowed to be vulnerable, needy or sensitive. Instead we’re expected to be strong, disregard or refuse to admit we have needs, and are encouraged instead to be the eternal, stoic mother caring for the needs of everyone but ourselves. I mean we’re all so familiar with the powerful, strong ‘she who is to be obeyed,’ wise old matriarch aren’t we? After all Tyler Perry has made multimillions from his depictions of her.

From girlhood we are taught to be strong, to negate our feelings and just ‘get on with things.’ Invariably because there is no-one to lean on we have no alternative. If we do not comply, we are considered soft or weak and god forbid we decide to impose our own boundaries, then we are considered ‘bougie,’ ‘stuck up,’ or ‘cold’ and so the nefarious pattern continues its destructive cycle.

Where do we go from here?

Black Woman, Goddess
Black Woman, mysterious, wise, the original Goddess

I’m sure we have all noticed that the earth is seriously in trouble. We have entered the Age of Aquarius and most New Age philosophers are advocating for greater balance on the planet, namely embracing the feminine essence as a counter to the predominantly masculine energies we have been living with for a millenia, in the hope the earth may begin to rebalance and heal.

In my view, Society’s first consideration should be to remember to honour the primary feminine essence that is the ‘Black Mother’…

The Black woman as Ancestor/Daughter/Granddaughter/Sister… and bring her energies, her nurturing spirit and the wisdom she possesses back into the fabric of our lives. 

If we are to fulfil our potential as ‘huemans,’ and have any hope of reversing the damage we’ve created or of saving the planet for future generations then the ‘Mother,’ the Black Woman, the original life giver & energyforce needs be restored to her rightful place as the SOURCE, the wise one from whence we all came.

Just Sayin!

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Blissings & Love

Insightful Angel

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Panning – Sifting Sand & Salt

Panning

There are times in life when, despite not wanting to and despite having done this several times before we are forced to go ‘panning.’ What I mean by ‘panning’ is that we are forced to do some separating, some sifting of sand and salt to find the gold.

When there is a need to go ‘panning ‘it’s because there’s some form of irritation in your life, something gritty, rubs incessantly; just like that bit of sand between your flip-flop or in your food that you know is there due to its persistent chafing, but you just cant seem to get it out. It’s persists, causing minuscule scratches and eventually we find we have a raw and painful sore.

Or else ‘salt’ is present. That flavour, that taste in your relationship or friendship that gets a bit too much at times (there’s a reason we only use ‘a pinch’ of salt) and when it does it makes you wince. You jolt at the bitter piquancy and your mouth and eyes pucker at the brackish, acrid tang that is left.

Prospecting

Prospecting, or the process of panning – shifting sand and salt from your life takes time. It’s an age-old technique that doesn’t need any fancy equipment, but it does require focus and patience.

To pan, to sift the sand and salt successfully so they’re discarded and instead discover nuggets of gold, is a task requiring concentration. You have to sit, and sift and sift and sift again. You may not discover a gold nugget each time you sift, but each time you sift you DO eliminated more sand and more salt. What’s in your pan becomes finer, less rugged and against this finer, softer, less abrasive background it is far easier to see the gleaming gold when it finally lands in your pan as you sift just ‘one last time.’ And it WILL land.

In the right place…just the right dose…at just the right time

You see just the right amount of salt the ‘pinch’ I mentioned earlier, enhances the flavour of your food, just as a bit of ‘salt’ from that well-meaning, but perhaps rather terse or abrasive friend can provide just the right amount of pique, to spur you into taking action on your Sh*%t. The stuff you know you need to deal with but are avoiding. Similarly, that grain of sand; the minor irritation that gets under your skin, is a sign you have an issue you perhaps need to look at.

BUT…

When that friend or relative is persistently and excessively ‘salty’ you’ll get sick, if that grain of sand, that irritation rubs and chafes for too long, you’ll end up nursing an open wound.

But…I have aching arms

Oftentimes, we feel we have done all the sifting we need to do. We mistakenly believe that we have ‘finished’ with the need to discern and eliminate in our lives. Though these instances become less so, over time, my life experiences have made caused me to realise that sifting sand and salt doesn’t really end.

When it becomes clear that, yet again we need to do yet another round of filtering we are surprised and disappointed in ourselves.

‘But what to do when your arms are tired?

When your arms are tired, simply lay the pan down. But NOT you understand in the flowing river otherwise you’ll lose your pan altogether.

Lay it to rest on the bank…

Those salty tongues will still be wagging, those sandy irritants will still be chafing, but from the vantage point of ‘distance’ from your pan, you can often sort the more subtly, deeply hidden granules that you didn’t realise were an irritation in the first place!

When your energy is replenished, pick up your pan and continue the task of refining the content of your life so it is smooth and uniform and soft. Free of salty critiques and sandy irritants.

Hitting pay dirt

To hit pay dirt means:

  1. to discover something of value. (Alludes to discovering valuable ore.)
  2. Fig.to get great riches

ref: http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/hit+pay+dirt

It seems I have been panning – sifting sand and salt for some months. Many times my arms got tired and I had to lay my pan down. Each time I picked it up again I had a better perspective and could see more clearly the nuggets rising to the surface. But the true ‘gold’ came the moment I ‘hit pay dirt.’

All that sifting and filtering, laying down of my pan and picking it up again meant I had moments to see beyond the pan, moments when in my mind’s eye I would just catch something gleaming, I could see beyond the proverbial ‘trees’ and could see the wood.                     Continue reading Panning – Sifting Sand & Salt

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A lesson in Soul Vision and the surprising result

Happy Easter and a Happy Sunday all,

I’ve coined the phrase ‘Soul Vision’ after an event which happened recently. All to often we get all bent out of shape, feel insulted and upset by the actions or words of others, when if we simply looked ‘below’ the surface water and practised ‘soul vision,’ we might see the ‘truth’ to the clear waters below.

It feels good being back here

It’s been far too long since I put fingers to keyboard and I have to admit to many moments self admonition as I found myself unable, week in, week out to write. It’s not that I didn’t have thoughts and ideas to communicate you understand, but for some inexplicable reason I had no idea that I would find adjusting to a new life, in a new continent, to a new culture and way of being so all-consuming, that I would have little of me left to do anything but work, eat (sometimes) and sleep (not long enough!)

So,Today I’m determined

Despite doubt & nervousness, despite insecurity and apprehension, Its my intention to publish today and regain my previous habit. I hope you’ll bear with me as I find my bearings once more.

The Eyes are the window to the soul

Most of us take our vision for granted. As vital as the organs we call our ‘eyes’ are, we seldom think about their health or care until we have a need to; meaning something has usually gone awry before we consider what our eyes do for us. Practically they enable us to navigate through our physical world, metaphorically, they symbolise insight and wisdom.

without vision, we are blind…

Seven months ago I moved to Nigeria, to live and work. It’s been a challenging transition at times as I found myself bullied at work and within the culture of the country there is a spirit of avarice which is not only prevalent in the corrupt politicians the country is famous for. It’s a ‘gravaliciousness’ (the Jamaicans among you will know what I mean) that is so alien to who I am that I have had a challenging time negotiating who I am in response to it!

but one of the things I noticed almost immediately was that…

Lagos is peppered with blind people!

It’s a prevalent phenomenon which seems quite alarming! Something I couldn’t help but notice on my arrival. Yet… I’ve just come to a realisation whilst writing this. I have just ‘clicked!’

They are metaphorically the physical manifestation of Nigerian society & its relationships.

There is a focus on the ‘surface’ in Nigerian interactions.

How much money you have, who you know, what you do, the family or area, your were born into are what is important in Nigerian society. There is very little looking to the ‘soul’. Instead the focus on what a person has etc. Many people interact with you based on assumptions and stereotypes, ‘blind’ to who you truly are, they…

pay attention to the surface water-how things ‘appear’ and not to what lies beneath.

Seeing is Seeing…isn’t it? Or is it?

When I visited Oshun State last week I went to sit by the banks of the Ogun River. This river water looks brown and murky when viewed as a body of water, yet if you collect it into a clear vessel, surprisingly, the water itself becomes clear, you can see right through it.

No mud… no murkiness

So it would seem that seeing may no be ‘seeing’ after all! Metaphorically speaking, it’s the same scenario when one talks about our interactions with one another.

An example

We would do better if we practised ‘soul seeing’ and endeavoured to look beneath the surface when we interact with each other. My example goes like this:

Seeing a live show was a thrill… a young cameraman decided to interview me for a local TV station, perhaps as a Visitor/migrant/’Ex-Pat,’ he felt I would offer a viewpoint that was somewhat different. He agreed to get a copy of the interview to me. There was, at this point, no mention of payment. We exchanged numbers and agreed how he could get it to me. He dropped the disc in reception. Of course I was working (plus I never take money into work).

After returning his disc to him (via reception) he later called, and because he couldn’t be reimbursed straight away, became enraged and rather abusive! He refused to accept the disc back and left it there. His choice.

Now the point is this!

Over a week later I receive yet another message less abusive yet still complaining. My first response, the surface one was to react to the ‘surface’ of the words he was saying. I felt insulted and defensive and I fought back. I failed initially to practise ‘soul vision’ and like the Ogun river all I saw was the muddy brown top layer of his insults, the outer that he was showing me.

Mightily confused, I couldn’t understand his attitude nor his insistence on being so aggrieved. Then I asked myself…

What is this about really?

I stopped.

Soul vision seeing beyond the murky surface

There was another way to look at this to see through the ‘surface,’ the murky brown of aggression and insult and attempt to see through to the clear water beneath.

What my intuition told me was to consider that perhaps he was seriously struggling, that the reasonably paltry sum he was quibbling about with me, might, at this very moment mean the world to him? The difference between eating and not? And that perhaps he had taken a risk having the disc produced, in a desperate attempt to make a living that week. Nigeria is a POOR country, Life is very, very hard!

‘Perhaps he really is in need of the money?’

So based on my deeper looking, on my practising soul vision, I reached out and asked him if he was in need and re-assured him that it was OK to ask. His first reaction was still one of defiance and ridicule, sarcasm even, but then after some hours I awoke to another message from him. Asking this time for some humble support.

  • I complied and offered more than he’d asked for
  • Result: a conversation ensued of a wholly different nature and tone
  • Conversation based on mutual respect…
  • One which allowed us to lower our ‘surface’ guard and allow each other to see the clear water beneath.
  • A discourse of understanding
  • He then confessed I had confounded his usual view of human nature and our interaction had changed how he viewed the world. he would now be less cynical and had a renewed hope.

It takes a village…

They say it takes a village to raise a child, A child becomes an adult and adults create the physical world we live in.

So what does it take to change the world?

Change the adults within that world!

Perhaps, just perhaps, by practising ‘Soul Vision,’ one instance at a time, one day at a time, one month and one year at a time, we can indeed Create a more compassionate world. A world in which our ‘eyes’ are open and truly ‘SEE?’

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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Everyday Spirit

Happy Sunday all

Well, hello all. It’s been some time hasn’t it since I posted an insight? I’ve been pretty challenged over the last two months or so, as well as extremely busy. In that time many of my thoughts have been on spirit and the nature of spirit’s guidance in my life at this time. I realise, not for the first time that Spirit, does what spirit is want to do, regardless of what WE think it should be doing.

I have to admit to being a little nervous at the moment.

After so many weeks of not posting I have the self-limiting expectation that every word I write has to be some great illuminating ‘KAPOW’ moment for everyone and that’s been paralysing hence such a long break.

But hey, in life one has to bite the bullet…

This probably isn’t a great ‘KAPOW,’ for most, but who knows maybe it’s a gentle nudge for some?

Update

cropped-manuscript-203465_1280.jpgLife has recently changed beyond all imagining and taken me to a completely different continent. I’m sure you can imagine the logistical operation it has been to uproot one’s life and pad down in a completely different spot.

It’s a change that involves a new home and way of living. There are; new customs, foods, traditions and ways of being, systems and infrastructure. It’s at once thrilling and fearful, exhilarating and frustrating, exciting & tiring.

There have been so many insights popping up that it’s been hard to decide which one to share with you today, but I think I’ll go with what I’ve been learning about Spirit & manifestation.

Now, many of you will have inwardly groaned and gone ‘Urrrgh’ she’s gone all weird and ‘hippyfied’ on us (again) but hear me out…

Everyday Spirit

Whether we acknowledge it or not ‘spirit’ or ‘energy’ or ‘god’ or ‘universe’ or ‘guides’ or ‘ancestors’ are working day and night to support us in our lives here in this physical plane. The evidence is all around us we simply need to choose to see the signs we’re given every day.

2014-07-05 05.59.11We can use this spirit to help us in our lives from finding the energy to get through everyday tasks to asking for spirit’s support when we have more challenging things to deal with. The thing to remember about spirit though, is that you need be precise, get specific bearing  in mind it will bring you what want in a form that you need, not necessarily what you think you want, in the way you think you need it.

Say you’ve been single for a while and (for the purposes of the illustration you’re heterosexual) you wish for a partner of the opposite sex. But let’s say you also have an unresolved issue with self-esteem. Spirit may well send you the partner you want, but perhaps this partner is one who is critical of you…

Why?

So you have another opportunity to practise standing up for yourself and finding your self-love and esteem

You may ask for a tall, dark handsome man (if you’re male or female) and you get just that, but he’s superior and arrogant challenging you to face and deal with your ideas about hierarchy, status and the value you place on others.

Stepping up to life can be fearful...What's next?
Stepping up to life can be fearful…What’s next?

Perhaps you’re having thoughts of I hate this job or I need to ‘get out of here’ and lo and behold you’re made redundant, or fired from your current role with no alternative means of employment organised.

Now I know you meant that you wanted to find another job and step into that or create a business and get it up and running before giving up your current occupation, but did you specifically think about that? No…

Your thoughts were ‘I’ve got to get out of here.’ And guess what? You get your wish you’re fired and now you’re, as you wanted –  ‘out of there!’

‘You gotta get specific!’

yes-238374_150You see Spirit will send you what you ask for, but you’ve got to get specific. It will also add a dash of what you need.

So when you ask, create thoughts that have you stepping into the role you want…see the people around you and the type of interactions you want to have with them, feel how it feels in that meeting with them or discussing new projects; OR imagine your ‘tall, dark handsome man’ being generous and kind, imagine his responses to being around you, your family and friends and the conversations you have together. See his kind acts and generosity being demonstrated in different situations and with different types of people… in this way spirit KNOWS what you want, in precise and exact detail and can get on with the job of bringing it to you.

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Musing: Love in all it’s forms

Happy Monday all

Last week, I was musing on love all it’s forms and the following words spewed out.

It was a week when I was shown love in all it’s many wonderful and not so wonderful forms:

Sibling love, romantic love, parental love… the love of friends, children neighbours and pets. I saw it all. The expressions were sometimes beautiful, other times they were less so…

Sadly, I noticed too that sometimes, just sometimes when we say we love what we do is allow love to be expressed as long as it fits what WE decide is an acceptable expression of that love.

Sadly, sometimes we impose conditions…

Sometimes we threaten and it got me thinking…

What IS Love?

love-1153972_1280And though for me it was just a momentary thought, a whole stream of words spewed forth.

I shared my thoughts on my personal FB page. It wasn’t a big deal, but it seems to have gotten a powerful and positive response with one or two people mentioning that I should share it more widely, so I am here for you today.

I hope it inspires you at the start of your week’s journey:

Contemplating love…In all its forms

Love is open
Love is giving
Love does not deny…
the friend…child…parent…lover, those parted or the living
 
Love is never demanded!
 
Love is kind
Love is inclusive
Love is free from guilt
Love should never be denied
used as weapon its withdrawal a threat
 
Love-in-such-a-wayFor love should be…
Uncensored
Unconditional
Unlicensed
And fall where it may
 
Love is trust(ing)…NOT
insecure or blind subject to rules, conditions & moral confines.
 
Love respects the separate…the union & the whole
For Love is…All
Love is…

the seat of the Soul!

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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The Joy of Oven Cleaning

Happy Sunday All,

So there I was… my head in the cavernous, dark recess, whilst my knees chafed against the cold of the vinyl flooring. I was oven cleaning.

Oven cleaning is one of those jobs that we all detest.

As I jiggled and shuffled and ‘humphed’ and ‘hawed’ with tremendous effort, it occurred to me that oven cleaning could easily be used as and analogy for the emotional clearing that we all need to do from time to time.

A good M.O.T

oldtimer-146524_1280Every so often it’s a good idea to look at your emotional state and give it a good old overhaul. By doing so, you open yourself up to deeper self- development and access greater creativity and understanding. In addition you’re ‘clearing out the trash’ of your inner world, so you’re lighter and freer. You see others’ actions and situations more clearly and with deeper insight and you also take a step or two (or several) towards understanding your purpose, the people in your life and the lessons they’re here to teach you.

Emotion=Action=State=Reality

Our emotional state dictates the type of action(s) we take and they in turn have consequences that form the reality we create.

So doing a bit of oven cleaning and peeling back the dank, sticky layers can only serve you.

However…

Oven cleaning is a messy, messy job!

cooker-295135_1280

  1. Your stomach churns as you encounter the globules of hard to reach grease and grime, you know you should really have gotten to earlier. In my analogy, this represents the ‘stuff’ you get stuck in. It’s the stuff in the dark recesses that you can’t see, the patterns lodged in the subconscious and created in our formative years that you repeat.

This is the stuff mirrored in the people you meet who have the same or similar qualities, the situations that have you thinking  ‘I’ve been here before.’ The key here isn’t to figure out why they keep showing up, or why you are dealing with similar situations or personality types – the key learning is:

“How will I choose to react this time?”

Once the (re)action changes, so does the result and so then the reality you find yourself in.fantasy-1275253_1280

  1. Is the stuff that is molten and drips down the walls…Urrrgh! This stuff is more visible and closer to the surface. It’s the stuff that though visible is perhaps ‘ickier’ as it’s sticky and keeps dripping. You have to use lots of soapy water time and time again to get rid of it to reveal the shining vitreous enamel beneath.

This sticky stuff feels as though you can’t get away from it. There’s lots of dry heaving as this stuff makes you sick to your stomach. This particular aspect of oven cleaning needs lots of ‘elbow grease’ to get rid of it!

Maybe it’s the treatment you receive from a family member or work colleague. Someone you’re tied to in some way and have to live, work or communicate with.

Out of fear or duty you put up with their challenging or rude; jealous or insecure behaviours, and don’t defend your right to your own thoughts actions or deeds. You do what they NEED you to do and keep the peace.

but…

you also feel that twinge inside that lets you know you betrayed who you really are by doing so…

The other person is appeased, triumphant even,

but…

You feel coated in the slime, uncomfortable and sticky – YOU were inauthentic! You failed to defend who you truly are and as a result another (perhaps only tiny) piece of you died…

but…

At least you didn’t rock the boat eh?

wooden-boat-258953_150

  1. Then there’s the really hard-baked, albeit smaller burnt on bits that cling to the undersides of the wire racks. They’re really caked on, bits of stuff that have dripped off and baked on the underside.Though baked and seemingly a challenge to shift they’re relatively easy to remove, the trick with this aspect of oven cleaning is to be quick and sharp in your movements.

These are perhaps the more everyday emotional slights we receive. They’re there, but surface only really. We do have to be mindful we’re not too sharp with the chipping off though, as we could slip and cut ourselves damaging relationships that we need to maintain in the present.

(No doubt you now think I’m a rather disgusting householder if my oven needs this much attention? I assure you I DID exaggerate somewhat!)

Gratitude, Gratitude & Pure love

Love-in-such-a-wayBy examining what a specific person’s role or behaviour has provided for you to learn, you can uncover the meaning of these relationships. When you discover the meaning you learn to understand their importance in your spiritual & emotional evolution.

Once you’re able to recognise the part they have played in your emotional development, you can get on with the job of being grateful for the service they have performed, shifting the emotional debris that can coat our psyches and emotions and stop us from evolving.

Being grateful for the lessons we’ve learned and acknowledging that they gave you a gift is a wonderful clue to the fact that we have shifted any emotional ties. Once in gratitude we open our hearts up to pure love.

Evolution & Change

There is no evolution without change, so if you’re wanting to understand your emotional and spiritual evolution, then be sure to undertake regular oven cleaning…

The kitchen smells fresher, your bread bakes better and

boy does it taste delicious!

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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I am an alien

Happy Friday All

The day the Earth stood still is a film about an alien who lands on earth. It that captivated me as a girl. For over 50 years it has been one of my favourites. When I was younger I didn’t really get why, but  now, I get it!

Day-The-Earth-Stood-Still

The film’s message is one of love. Yes, L.O.V.E. Love. Unconditional acceptance and the freedom to be the way you were made to be.

The Plot: Basically An alien lands and tells the people of Earth that they must live peacefully in love or be destroyed as a danger to other planets. The ship is a Metal Giant, in it a ‘man’ like extra terrestrial delivers the warning insisting that they ‘come in peace’

Now these two beings do nothing wrong. They do not instigate anything; the man goes around interacting and being a wonderful example of how humans should behave. It illustrates how base and barbaric our way of being is.

BUT

Because we do not understand it…we decide to attack it and that’s when the trouble starts.

I don’t know about you but I’m fed up of being attacked because others fail to understand my actions as I express love. I am Mad, yes, Fuming at how often I have to bear witness (and received) the basest, most hurtful comments and despicable actions of others because they insist on judging others by their own insecure, base, greedy or evil standards.

We’re seeing it all around us…

Look at the world we’re living in!

So I’m getting it off my chest and declaring to the world ‘I am an alien!’

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There, I said it.

What I mean by this is that I believe that love is… that’s it.

Love is all; It’s all we have ever or will ever need. It would seem that thinking and being this way makes me an alien.

I am, it would appear an ‘other worldly’ being others sometimes assume has an ulterior motive or else they believe I am dealing in something unsavoury; that I and others like me are acting in a way that is strange. When all we aliens are doing is expressing what we feel is right and good showing love for our fellow citizens, our families, our friends and our neighbours

We say we believe in love and it’s a CROC!

Hypocrisy.

  • We cry and weep and wail for Paris and Turkey…. as we should.
  • In our millions, we share posts for ‘Black lives matter’ as we should
  • We get incensed when we hear of the genocide being committed and rightly so
  • We march to show how much we care and rightly so
  • We insist time and time again that we believe in love AND
  • Share profound videos on social media that remind us that L.O.V.E. is all the world needs and you know what

It’s a ‘Croc’ 

You see if we believed in LOVE, truly believed, we’d practise it – every day, in every situation, in every way, unconditionally.

But…

apple-570965_1280All too often love I see love showing up with conditions.

  • You can love me but not him/her/them/that
  • If you love me you won’t speak to…
  • I love MY people, but THEY are different
  • If you love me then you won’t be/do/say X, Y, Z
  • If you won’t do this and my way, you won’t see your children/family/mother/father/grandparents
  • Love is demanded
  • Love is withheld
  • Love is used to manipulate

Love has many forms.

The Greeks had at least four words for their interpretation of the different ways love can be expressed

  • Éros:means “love, mostly of the sexual passion.” Although éros is initially felt for a person, it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or an appreciation of beauty itself. Physical attraction as not necessarily a part of love, hence the use of the word platonic to mean, “without physical attraction.”
  • Agápe: means “love: esp. charity; the love of God for man and of man for God.” Agape is used in ancient texts to denote feelings for one’s children and the feelings for a spouseeros-352030_1280
  • Philia: “affectionate regard, friendship,” usually “between equals.” It is a dispassionate virtuous love, a concept developed by Aristotle In his best-known work on ethics. Philia is expressed as loyalty to friends; (specifically, “brotherly love”), family, and community and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity.
  • Storge : means “love, affection” and “especially of parents and children” It’s the common or natural empathy, like that felt by parents for offspring. It is almost always used to refer to relationships within the family. It is also known to express acceptance or putting up with situations, as in “loving” the tyrant. Storge is also used when referring to the love for one’s country or a favourite sports team.

On Being Alien

  • Being an alien means I know that love shows up as familial, as friendship, as care, as companionship.
  • It shows up deeply and casually, it shows up as sex and affection, it shows up in making a cup of tea or coffee
  • It shows up as staying up late to mark those last 10 papers
  • It shows up as telling someone they look lovely even if you don’t know them and will never see them again
  • It shows up as laughing at a friends joke, speaking kindly to a customer, rubbing your dog’s whiskers and every day…

It shows up perhaps 50-100 times a day

But, how many opportunities do YOU take to live in the Love you say you believe in?

Mantra

home-1132278_1280I am an alien

I make no apology for being an alien,

I will not stand down nor accept criticism & condemnation when I choose to love as compassion or affection.

I will not allow your sullied mind to make my expression of any connection to another seem seedy and unsavoury because you judge from within the dank walls of your own insecurity, hatred and fear

I will not abandon my sister or brother because their experience is not that of my own

I will not give up on LOVE whatever form it needs to take

So, why not join this alien?

Create a tribe of aliens who come to the world in love, who come in peace and take every opportunity, every moment of every day, to express it in all its wonder, its beauty and yes it’s LOVE.

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

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The Shadow

Happy Sunday All

I discovered something about myself recently that I’m not sure I’m very proud of, But I felt the insight was worthy of sharing. I discovered the shadow in me. It peeked out of my bag and I, though fearful, allowed it out to play.

We all have one or two qualities that we know need some work, however to suddenly discover my shadow, let it out of my bag of ‘secrets’ and REALLY look at it was quite unnerving, but I was determined.

The Shadow

black-and-white-1282260_1280 (The Shadow – a trait or aspect of your personality that you repress or hide, for fear of criticism; a quality you are afraid to show & one which subconsciously prevents you living more expanded and joyfully).

Discovering this particular shadow, one I had suspected was there in moments when it peeked out of the bag, sent me off balance a little.

The term ‘Shadow’ was first used by Carl Jung to describe the repressed or denied part of the self. You see when we’re born, we use express with abandon and without censorship: All of our feelings and moods and quirks and foibles, without censorship or compunction, But we quickly come to learn that sometimes the way we express or parts of our personality are not valued or accepted by the people around us (and usually closest to us).

Recipe for creating The Shadow

Perhaps you were ridiculed and our opinion not taken seriously, or maybe you were shamed when upset and called names or your upset & pain ignored; perhaps you weren’t allowed to express your pride when you achieved something, perhaps you were criticised instead? There are may reactions to our words, deeds and behaviours that cause us to see them as ‘undesirable.’

Once we realise this part of us or this behaviour is not accepted, we decide to squirrel it away. We begin to repress it; hide those traits and qualities we see as shameful or undesirable, we learn to hide away the anything that caused us pain as a result of it being shown.

Hidden but not forgotten

hiding-1209131_1280Though we ‘squirrel’ these feelings away, somewhere in our psyche we still carry them with us. It’s as though we put a sack or our backs and continue to ‘lug’ these parts we are afraid to show, the denied parts, the parts we feel we need to repress around with us.

Every time you deny yourself their expression another is added to the bag, and another and another, until the bag becomes so heavy so burdensome we can become ill. Hopefully we become so angry or so tired of bending ourselves into a pretzel to suit whoever and whatever, your inner spirit finally shouts: ‘ENOUGH!’

woman-1043030_1280The shadow can be positive or negative.

  • Positive: You develop a positive habit in order to gain approval you may develop a habit which garners approval from those around you, but one which is not allowing you to be your ‘authentic self.’ Even though seen as positive, it is still a ‘shadow’ trait if it means you deny or repress what would be a natural response or behaviour for you. If you feel you’re somehow ‘holding back’ a natural part of yourself.
  • Negative: You are constantly straining to hide an undesirable ‘shadow’ trait that you’d prefer others didn’t see because you’re unconfident about it or feel others will see you negatively because of it.

Consequences

Developing another way of behaving to avoid slipping into the behaviours you know others around you do not approve of (more often than not the criticism comes from a place of insecurity or jealousy on their part), is exhausting and damaging to the psyche and the emotions. Constantly hiding or denying a part of yourself is eventually going to cause you pain, but as a child, when you were disapproved of or criticised you didn’t understand that, did you?

My Shadow Revealed

I Am a People Pleaser

…even as I write it I wince! I feel a bit of a fraud

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But, I know one thing, I want it exorcised and out of my bag!

This realisation didn’t come to me in a flash I had to dig for it.

It all started a few weeks ago ( I wrote this post several weeks ago, but was too afraid to post it – My shadow again!) when one of my blogs was selected to be the ‘Blog of the day’ for the ‘Wellness Universe; a forum and platform for Wellness Professionals and people like me who just want to do our bit to make the world a better place.

I was rightly proud, so I posted the link on Facebook, but three words I used in the intro to the post really seemed at odds and evoked an emotional response in me.

They were: ‘It’s no biggie’

I realised that I always DO that, but why?

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I downplay my achievements and ‘play small.’ I strive to always DO THE RIGHT THING’ that way I will always win approval.

Yet my vision for my life, my future & me is to be HUGE. I know I have so much to give the world and my mission is to help others discover and show their light; to help them blind you with their brilliance and learn how to shine without excuse and to know how to do so much sooner than I.

Not too loudly, Not too bright, Not too high,

light-1375158_1280It’s not people pleasing in an obsequious or arrogant way you understand, (well, I hope not!) but in a way that I fly just under the radar and do not shine too brightly; a way that means I don’t not sing too sweetly, so others criticise or chastise, so it draws too much attention. For those of you that know me, you may well be surprised, as I’m not exactly known to be a shrinking violet, but there IS MORE!

Yet, how can I hope to fully realise my ambition to be a fully realised and authentic hue-man, How will I meet my ambition to help others be the same, if I am still NOT truly open, still not truly Stepping into my light?

I pondered this for some days and discovered my ‘why’ and my ‘how.’

Starting again, and again and again

I became a people pleaser so I didn’t feel the hurt anymore; so I didn’t feel the pain of the criticism, the ridicule and the disapproval, but it also meant I didn’t ever meet my potential in anything. I did just enough for people to recognise I have talent and I was always promoted, but I never really Pushed through into the stratosphere of true success.

Just as I would grow wings and would really begin to fly, I would change direction or I’d be made redundant and make myself start again, from the bottom up.

Where did this come from:

As young children perhaps you were not allowed to celebrate your successes, I wasn’t…

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If we’re not given the chance to feel joy, not even the joy of just being ourselves as I was; or you’re expected to play the ‘big sister/brother’ role and always to:

  • Be sensible
  • Set the example
  • Know better
  • Do as you’re told
  • Not know too much
  • Speak when spoken to
  • Calm down (usually when we’re particularly happy)
  • Be quiet
  • Sit still
  • Don’t answer back
  • Respect your elders (which usually meant do what they say even if they’re wrong or are hurting you in some way)

Then somewhere in your subconscious you may have decided to play small.

I did…

  1. Because when I play small no-one gets hurt
  2. When I downplay my successes I don’t appear arrogant or ‘big-headed’
  3. When I play small I seem humble and self-effacing
  4. When I play small I’m less threatening
  5. When I play small I’m not criticised
  6. When I play small others approve of me (who doesn’t want their family and friends to look at them and be proud?)
  7. When I play small no-one has to explain my behaviour or make excuses for me
  8. When I play small society accepts me

I’m sure you get the picture

Enough, enough, enough, Enough!

cat-564202_1280I’d had ENOUGH I want to be fully realise, fully functioning, fully aware of & loving of myself; the whole 360’ of me.

By bringing our shadow into the light (that may simply be a share with one or two close friends or family or a wider more exposed announcement) we’re being the bravest version of ourselves we can be.

  • What qualities are you hiding?
  • What talents are you containing?
  • What feelings are you protecting out of fear?

When you expose your soft underbelly as well as hold yourself accountable for ALL that you are you are no longer afraid.

question-1301144_1280There is no criticism or that can hurt you, no ridicule or disapproval that causes you to wince, because they’re not revealing anything you don’t already know and recognise about you and guess what?

You’re working on it…

that’s the very best you can Do…

And that’s OK…

 Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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An Apology

Happy Sunday all,

‘Brexit’ or ‘Were you trippin?’

As a ‘Brit’ I exercised my Franchise on Friday, marked my little ‘X’ and made the choice that I felt was the best on for ALL the people who inhabit this Island Called the United Kingdom.

Yet, the result was one which left me reeling.

So…

I have decided to add my opinion to the mix. It is not my intention to offend, upset or condemn anyone, we are all entitled to our opinions.

I apologise for not offering a longer missive today, but ‘life’ means I have things to attend to –

Yes I Do get up and write these on a Sunday Morning!

A humble and ordinary opinion – A heartfelt apology

My opinion, is that as an elder member of the society, I need to offer an apology. You see our young people are the ones who will inherit the Britain we just voted to disconnect from the wider collective that is The European Community. I, for one feel sightly ashamed, but also sad as I know many of those who voted to exit, did so from an emotional space, as a way of  protesting for many other reasons and forgot that the outcome doesn’t affect those who so vehemently call for your support anywhere near as much as it does YOU.

An opportunity

Change…’whoah’ it was scary.

Change always is isn’t it?

But this rocking of the ship could be a great opportunity if we see it as one.

It is an opportunity to really look into the divisions in our society, the rifts, the ‘disgruntlements’ and the disappointments and use that knowledge to create an even more just, more equal, more satisfied community.

Perhaps Britain will be great again… this time known across the globe as a country whose citizens picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and created a country in which the good of the collective seeped into every decision and every exchange.

An apology…

See why below:

 

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For those who may be struggling with their truth

Sad-FaceToday…

Today I am sad and miserable and blue

Today I am hurt and don’t know what to do

Today I grieve, I lost my greatest hero

Today I’m lost, I’m weary and low.

Today, I have no idea who I am

Today I am shaking, a soon-slaughtered lamb

I don’t know why I’m here, nor how I should be

I want to free myself

from always trying to be…

The best, the perfect, version of me

And…

Though I know, I’ll swell like a blimp, I wanna eat biscuits and bread and chips and Ice-cream and stuff it ALL down, coz you see feelings like these are alien to me.

I don’t know what to do, to express and let go I just don’t now how and it’s killing me slow

Today I want to be open and real and raw and wide and honest and open and true

Today… Can I give myself permission to spew

My a.u.t.h.e.n.t.i.c.i.t.y?

The hurt and regret for the Me, still unknown

The me wringing hands, confused and undone,

for the life I still seek, for the seeds not yet sown?

Will I have time?

question-1301144_1280

Today I wonder; When will it feel right?

But surely by now I shouldn’t be so uptight?

Today I wonder why, who, when, what, where and how?

Do I truly have the power to manifest the glory I vowed?

And

Though I know the theory and I feel it in my bones…

We are pure essence, pure beauty, pure connection, pure love,

It’s just out of reach, out of sync

So Remote…

Today I don’t want pity or sympathy or comfort or speech

Today, just for one day

I just want to be free

Of every expectation I’ve ever placed on me.

I want to sit by a lake in my fear and be soothed, open up to the breeze and admit

I don’t KNOW!

For today, I want to love me, snuggle up to myself & find the key…

Unlock the door to MY my talents, my gifts, my inner, my peace

the me I am waiting…

No, yearning to see

hands-423794_1280

And today

just for one day

This is ME…

This is the best, the very best I can be…

And Today

(perhaps just for today)

This…

is A-OK

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

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A Journey back to love